Mister God this is @ina

The End and the Beginning

2011-05-12T20:25:00.004+05:30

I spent time on my roof top today thinking about an era of my life when I think life has been simple... Pleasing God was my one desire, loving my parents was all I could want, family and friends took me as I am and being good at my work was a blessing from above. Many an evening have I spent basking in a sunset or watching the birds or enjoying the wind or awed by the stars and silenced by the full moon. Its my God and me place where I sing, pour my heart out to him, dance, cry, laugh and just take life in. Over the last few years I have travelled a lot and the roof top has not been as much my secret place as it used to be but wherever I go I have managed to find that quiet place where my maker and I can just talk.

This era is coming to an end and its time for me to move out from my home so I can build a home of our own. Leaving the home I have called my own and the family I adore to go to a new place in a totally different timezone all together is not a very easy step but I am blessed with an able man, who I love, admire and respect, which makes this step seem a little easier to take than I thought it would be.

With every end I am realizing there is a new beginning and this may seem to be an end to an era of my life but love never ends and all that really matters are relationships in this era which I have no doubt will evolve and grow with many new surprises along with this new exciting beginning in my life.

Well, I have decided that perhaps its time for me to end this blog and begin a new one which hopes to capture the life and lessons we learn as a young couple... To all my readers, Thank you for being there with me and all your comments. I hope to surprise you and myself with my new blog! ;)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina . . . With every end comes new beginnings, together help me to grow, evolve, build and blossom in all that is to come!

An (extra)ordinary Family

2011-04-05T16:48:00.001+05:30

We have been having a couple of crazy weeks preparing for the big day... My wedding. Mum has been doing things for me and with me morning, noon and night, Dad has been out on the hot and dusty roads making preparations day after day and my brother keeps checking-in with all the love and support possible.

We are an ordinary family, mum and dad love us to bits, have always been there for us and given us the best of everything, most of all, their lives and their time. Mum has spent every waking hour thinking about us, providing for us, being there for us, and in general putting up with a lot of crap from us specially as we have grown up and at times tend to resent her unconditional love! Dad is the strong support every person wishes to have... he is always there cheering for us, rooting for us against all odds, and there to do for us what we cannot do for ourselves and most times also doing what we can do for ourselves. My brother, well he is the one who keeps us balanced & down to earth, rolling in laughter and comfort. He is not a man of many words, but his presence delights us all, makes me mischievous and makes dad and mum go up the wall at times but all in good spirit.

What makes our house, a home is my mums philosophy that Home is the one place you can be yourself and its okay. If you had a bad day, you can throw a temper and we will accept you for it because we are family. If you had a good day, we will throw a party and celebrate with you because we are family. Yes, we are an ordinary family, we love, we laugh, we cry, we complain, we fight, we stick for each other, we loose it at times but we always go the extra mile for the other person and that's what makes this an extraordinary family!

As the clock ticks and my wedding nears, I think about my family and all that's made us what we are and could wish nothing more than to carry with me what I have enjoyed and share my life with a new family that I hope will be able to love and accept me as I am.

Mister God this is @ina... Thank you for the blessing of an ordinary family with the love that makes my everyday life extraordinary.

The Ring

2011-03-01T06:38:00.003+05:30

Recently engaged, I found my diamond ring a new addition on my hand a little uncomfortable. Its not that the ring isn't comfortable its just that something new on your finger feels a little different. I was telling my dad that and in his wise way he said he to me - "Remember that marriage is like that - not always comfortable but adds beauty to your life". A thought I know is worth remembering.

Today a few weeks later I found myself reminding myself to check if the ring is still on my finger. I have grown so comfortable with it in such a short while that I hardly realize its there. Its kind of where I am at, it sometimes feels like my would-be and I are so comfortable with each other that we may take each other for granted - "Remember to value the diamond in your life" I told myself because yes, he is one of a kind and worth much more than all the diamonds in the world.

Dear Mister God this is @ina... Hold me close to you, so I always cherish what you have given me to hold.

Changed My World Forever

2011-02-08T18:01:00.016+05:30

My world has been changed forever
With the passing of seven brief days
Just has the world was made
Mine has been remade into something more beautiful

Day 1 was the day we met
With one big smile and one brief line I was swept
Day 2 rolled by in a hurry
With the joys and wonders of two families talking
Day 3 we found the perfect ring
That will announce to the world the missing rib that was found
Day 4 we exchange a few kind words
And before we knew it had fallen for eachother
Day 5 we started the day together with God
And ended it making our promise of love forever with family and friends
Day 6 was filled with God's surprises
A bike ride, a family lunch, playing games, just talking
Day 7 was meant to be the day of rest
When I found myself content for I had found what it means to be madly in love!

To my beloved,

Dear Mister God this is @ina... Everytime I close my eyes I thank you for my custom made gift from YOU. :)

A Convenient Life

2011-01-30T18:39:00.005+05:30

This years first post is a little late. I have been wondering what I want to toast to this year, and there have been so many nice thoughts but not any that I wanted to blog about. However among my mentorship group we have been lately talking about "Living Convenient Lives" and its been something that has been on my mind a lot.

A convenient life - When "I" am in the center of my life and I do things that are comfortable for me to do. My mind is filled with thoughts about me, my family, my job and all that's mine! I am so caught up in fact that its hard to even notice anything beyond that. Oh but don't get me wrong, I do my part for the community making sure its something that fits into my life well and involves little trouble or effort.

Sounds familiar? Well I can relate soo much that its scary! There are a thousand reasons I could give to justifying everything about that statement but I want to challenge myself to think of something that's not convenient for me to do and do it at least once a week if not everyday.

So this years toast is to going beyond comfort zones and getting wet in the rain, dirty in the mud, scared but jumping out of the plane if that's what it takes to live not just a convenient life but a radical, passionate and creative life!

Dear Mister God this is @ina... A toast to walking with you into an uncharted course, willing to take risks and embracing living on the edge for you!

Laughter

2010-12-26T18:41:00.005+05:30

Its been an eventful couple of weeks with my brother back home. Its a few years since we have all been under one roof, at the same time and that adds to the joy.

We have shared so many laughs together over the last couple of weeks along with a a few fights and arguments which all add up to make a family complete. :) He leaves today and I know we are going to miss his humour, big laugh, teasing smile and funny faces.

Laughter I think is the shortest distance between hearts. It has a way of making the world feel like a more cosy place and helps open up our hearts and minds. Well, for those of you who have the gift of humour, use it well and for those who don't perhaps that's one ability worth trying to acquire! :)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina... May the season abound with laughter, joy, peace and love!

Freedom of Choice

2010-12-22T22:27:00.002+05:30

I read a statement today about free will. I don't remember it perfectly but the essence of it was that God does not make decisions for us. He enables us make the right ones but at the end of the day the decision is still always ours.

Cliche perhaps. It made me wonder though if in my quest to find God's will for my life if I sometimes forget the freedom of choice that he has given me. It's so much easier to put the responsibility of the decision on God (in case it was a bad one) than take it up and work on it like we should. I have been relating this to a few different circumstances in my life and they all click... I delay a decision waiting for signs and then when they come I think that everything must go as planned and when they don't I give up without even trying.

Like, say finding mister right. God brings about the situations and circumstances that could help me meet who He feels would be a right kind of person for me but the decision to love, the decision to marry is always mine. God can put the right people for His will to be accomplished in our lives but he always lets me decide for myself what I want.

Extrapolating that to other areas of my life, like my future, my dreams and my plans I wonder if a passive acceptance has taken over my life instead of an active participation with God in unveiling my life.

I think I am on to something that needs to change within me and that's worth recording.

Dear Mister God this is @ina... Free me from the laziness of acceptance to embrace the spontaneousness of living my choices.

Stepping Out

2010-12-16T11:25:00.000+05:30

Today perhaps was the most anticipated day of this year for me. The day I told my current employer "I choose to move on".

The first thought that comes to my head, let alone everyone else is what's next? Honestly its a bit of a step of faith. I know I had to take this decision and I could not postpone it any longer waiting for the next door to open. I felt it was the right time to say what I said.

I have looked back at the last few years and well am going to save all I have to say for another post. This one is just for me to remember why I did what I had to do.

One, I have one life to live and I have to try on a few different hats instead of sticking to the one that I have now which am quite sure fits me well and even gets me applause every once in a while. Two, Life is about taking chances with resources like money, time and people. None of which are easy but am sure worth taking. Three, I could never hope to have a support system better than the one I have now - an encouraging mom, a trusting dad, a quirky yet loving brother, friends who say don't be afraid to travel the road less travelled and a God who understands it all.

So here I am - towards the end of a decade of my life that has been perhaps the most challenging yet rewarding, proud of who I am, still a little clueless about what I want to be yet not afraid to dream and embrace a future that's not clear.

Dear Mister God this is @ina...Well, whats the fun if it was?!

Holiday Living History

2010-12-07T22:14:00.004+05:30

We had planned a family vacation to the capital. A place known for monuments that are centuries old, palaces and forts. It was a joy and a pride to witness the beauty of our ancient past and the rich heritage that is ours. We had a packed three day schedule with places to see, a few shopping areas to visit and some local restaurants we wanted to try.

Everyday was special in its own way. The palaces of the Rajputs, brought alive a glorious past that I have only read about. Looking out from the fort that curves so naturally with the mountainous terrain was so amazing. The visit to the Taj Mahal one of the man made wonders of the world was simply spectacular - The sense of space and dimensions can never be captured on television or in print. On the last day we drove from the the gate of India which stood magnificently on one end to the Presidential palace at the other end and past the Parliment building. The thought of the many kings and queens, presidents and officials who would have passed through that very same path was exciting and humbling. I felt proud to belong to my country.

Manoj a local cab driver took care of us in all our long travels all through our holiday. He was one of those simple people who touch your life and make it all the more enjoyable without even knowing it. Watching my dad interact with him and the way we all spent such a brief time together but found so much in common made me think of the beauty of humanity - We all have our role to play and when we do it with joy and compassion the world is a better place to live in for us all.

Back in the south far from the sights and joys of the last few days I sit here looking back and I can only feel thankful for all the times we shared. I think if I were to leave the world at the drop of a hat I would leave happy not because I have made a million or touched a million lives but because I have a family around me who make me feel like I am worth much more than that.

Dear Mister God this is @ina...Blessed I am. I bless your name!

ITs a Male Dominated World

2010-11-25T22:03:00.014+05:30

I have worked for over 5 years in the IT field. My career was not planned, It just happened. I have enjoyed my work mostly and always strived to change as a person and bring the best in me and those around me. I must admit that the people aspect of my job excites me a lot more than the technical aspect.

Not many women stay on in the same company and I am one of the few who has stayed and grown. I have grown faster than expected and found myself often the lone women among many men - be it in official meetings, discussions, forums, dinners or coffee.

Its not an easy job being the lone woman and there have always been men who have supported, inspired and encouraged me to be my best at all times and then there are those who would make every effort to thwart my confidence.

I have had tough days but through it all I have learnt lessons for life I believe on being humble, gracious, accepting, courageous, discreet, assertive and many more. Lately however I have been feeling tired. Tired of playing my role in an IT environment where acceptance comes with conditions, encouragement with expectations, recognition with implications and friendships are not always free.

I started this year with a vow to change a few things about my life and ambitiously went about it. I may not have accomplished a lot but I did knock some interesting doors with potential. I stand here now wondering if it is time I shut the door on where I am at so I can see more clearly when a new door opens...

Dear Mister God this is @ina . . . You know where I am at, You see what I am meant to be - Please take me where I ought to be.

Turning a Blind Eye

2010-11-14T20:09:00.002+05:30

When something about a person is not exactly up to my liking one of my easiest ways to let it pass was to turn a blind eye. I personally don’t find it hard to turn a blind eye to something that am not essentially happy about or that is not up to my liking.

Recently though I have been thinking this is not the best way to react especially when a person I love is concerned. For example, say a friend I really like loves eating/talking about Sushi. And I just turn a blind eye, so everything she says about Sushi just goes over my head. Soon she would realize I could not care less about her love for Sushi and she will not talk to me about it anymore. I would lose out on knowing a piece of her that is an important part of her and perhaps I may not love her for all that she IS.

Well Sushi is not a great example but based on experience I have decided it is important for me to value and love a person completely for all their likes, dislikes, habits, thoughts, friends, family, fears, hopes and dreams and only then could I truly expect a person to be transparent with me and share with me all that matters to them.

I guess when it comes to a child this is all the more difficult cause you really need to pay attention or you can miss little signs quite easily. It can be daunting to keep track of things that bother them, upset them but it’s important to make them we feel we value all those thoughts and feelings so they know we listen, we share and we love then completely.

Well, on a side note I have found myself shut out things/sides of me from people I care about simply because I know it’s not something that interests them. And am learning at times I need to edge myself to keep talking and being transparent even if it’s not something they care about since our relationship matters to me.

Dear Mister God this is @ina... I don’t think you turn a blind eye to any part of me but take me as I am. Help me to do the same.

Comfort of Counting on Someone

2010-11-02T00:44:00.002+05:30

I know a few people in life who I could go to with a need without thinking twice. It could be something very simple or it could be something that required them to stretch a little, or go out of the way for me but I know I can go to them and everything will be okay.

Then there are a few I know I can count on but not always. People I go to when I must and not when I want.

The first kind have an incredible grace about them. They make it so easy for me to approach them and give me the feeling of comfort and confidence that I have someone I can count on. They make it seem so easy to do things for other people without a second thought or any questions.

I wonder how I make people feel? My mind tells me its not possible to be someone who everyone can count on, but I am convinced its not so much about what you 'do' but how you 'are' that gives a person the comfort to come to you and that's something that challenges me.

Dear Mister God this is @ina... Give me the grace to consciously work towards being someone who is dependable.

Sharing My Story

2010-11-01T13:04:00.001+05:30

Lately I have been interested in asking people their story. I have found there is so much to learn and share in knowing a persons story and it is important to share your own. I believe every life story is written with the purpose of being a blessing to others and so in sharing our story we help shape each other.

Well here is mine, I am trying to be as crisp as I possible can - My journey of finding purpose in life started a long time ago when I was just a child. I always felt God within me and was convinced on the need to live a life pleasing to God. From a very young age i would work very hard at being a good person because i felt that is the way to please God. I spent the first decade or more of my life trying so hard to be perfect. I have diaries recording all my actions. LOL! I spared no energy or effort to become perfect!

It was from there that God gently picked me up and began showing me slowly that all my so called Goodness was worth nothing. That he loved me no matter what and that what I do, did not matter as much as knowing He loved me. Grace was something I fought against for awhile and it was not easy accepting God loved me just the way I am. The first milestone in my journey was knowing God loves me wholly.

I spoke to God all the time but was always slightly doubtful if I was talking to myself and was very concerned. So one day, I sat in a corner of the house and said to God "I need to Know TODAY if it is really you speaking to me or someone else...I heard Him say "Here am I". I laughed hard to myself. I told myself God cannot say Here am I!! Convinced that the voice I was talking to was not His I laughed loud and took my Bible to read and decided like normal people, God should speak to me through the Bible. Here is what I read - Isaiah 65:1 (NIV) (“I revealed myself to those who did not ask for me; I was found by those who did not seek me. To a nation that did not call on my name, I said, ‘Here am I, here am I.") I fell on my knees and was overjoyed to know my God was not just a loving God but a God who constantly speaks to me and lives in me.

From then began a new journey of falling in love with God... Slowly as he became part of everything I did, I discovered a friend, a shepherd, an exciting God, a funny God, a smart God, a God who was interested in the minute details of my life and revealed himself to me. I just fell day after day over and over in love with Him. We talked non-stop somedays and somedays I did forget to include him but would run back into his arms. I had to depend on him so completely to please Him as I realized I am incapable of any good without him.

Like every love story there came some trials and hard times that made me doubt if all I had come to know of God was true. For a period of time I walked away from my dearest friend and tried to only lean on Him when I need him instead of enjoying every bit of life with Him but he has been slowly drawing me back to Him.

So after spending a decade or more trying to be perfect and please god and failing miserably, I spent the last decade or more learning God can fill everything in my everyday transforming me if I only let Him!

Dear Mister God this is @ina... Looking forward to the next decade (or more) of dwelling with you.

A Day to Remember

2010-10-28T12:13:00.002+05:30

A decade ago was the first time I was ever close to loosing a loved one. It was my grandfather. He was the kind of grandfather that everyone would love to have. A knowledgeable, patient, loving person who could always make me laugh with his stories and jokes. I loved him for who he was and could have endless hours of fun when am by his side talking. He was selfless in his love and I think that was because he had God inside of him. His last few months where difficult has Parkinson's took away his motor capabilities.

We knew he was soon to pass and be with God but I dreaded the moment. To me he was one of the most beautiful people I know and I wanted him to watch me grow older and make him proud. The day finally came and I was shocked. But strangely I could not feel sadness, but instead felt joy. As we drove to his home I could sense him all around me and so much of joy in him. I could see him play tennis like he loved to, I could hear him say he was free and able to do all he wanted to do and could not do for years, I could feel him slowly bid me farewell and say he would be waiting for me on the other side.

When I walked into the home and saw his body in the coffin to me the reality was he was not there. He was happy, smiling, looking at us and glad that we had come together to bid him farewell. I did not cry that day, in fact I only cried when I missed him and not because he died. I remember the day in some ways as one of the most beautiful days in my life since the joy I sensed in him overshadowed my worries and fears for myself in loosing him.

His life personified love and on his grave we inscribed 'Love never Ends' because the truth is it does not.

Today, 10 years later and 1 day earlier my grandmother went to be with the Lord. She is a person of prayer whose prayers have touched and changed our lives and many others. The power of her life was not just in shaping this generation but I believe her prayers will remain like incense before God and answers will keep coming and changing things in his time. My mom called to tell me and and as I sit here sobbing thinking of the best of times I am again reminded of the beauty of death in Christ. We had the best of times with her and yes, we will miss her terribly, everyday. But knowing she is in a better place and grandpa finally has company makes me want to smile.

Dear Mister God this is @ina... Thank you for teaching me Love never ends, in You.

Everyday Angels

2010-10-20T08:16:00.005+05:30

The last few months have been a lot of fun for me. I had moved in with a few friends I barely knew at that time and we have grown into a merry family. When a bunch of girls get together there are two possibilities - you either have the best of times or well the worst of times! :)

Well, I had the best of times - We loved talking, teasing, cooking, shopping, watching movies or just lazing around doing nothing!

'M' the tiniest (literally) in the house has a strong character and a confident smile that makes her not only charming but also the one we all loved to tease. 'J' on the other hand is a bubbly person who is always caring, always sharing and always ready for a good laugh. 'I' the smallest is actually a mature young lady yet her sparkling eyes and the child in her makes her absolutely adorable and B our last and final addition to the family is our responsible, dependable, honest and helpful one who goes the extra mile for all of us.

These everyday angels have done and said so many things, big and small, to make my life so easy, full of fun and simply unforgettable. Its time for me to move on and I just want to engrave on this page a note to always remind me of their love and care.

Dear Mister God this is @ina... I wish i could do something wonderful for them but I know the best thing I can do is pray and so I ask dear God that your love surround them and that they learn to bask in your deep love.

Pressure and Patience

2010-08-16T23:15:00.001+05:30

Pressure can come in many ways at work - sometimes its deadlines, or deliverables; sometimes its dealing with a messy project; sometimes its about working with people where someone can be difficult or just unreasonable; sometimes its when the customer is difficult to please; sometimes its just a combination of factors that can throw you off gear!

Pressure can make me panic - Loud voices, unhappy people make me nervous. I like to be peace loving and try to do all I can to make people work in harmony and when that is not happening I panic!

Well God had the placed me in the perfect place to learn a few things about handling pressure. Over the last few weeks I have been working in a circumstance that challenges the most mature of leadership skills and yet I have on my team a young lady who constantly amazes me.

She is honest, confident, clear headed and most of all patient. She deals with pressure calmly, reassuringly and with a solution oriented approach. Ensuring she makes everyone feel they are understood while battling the immediate pressing problem and working towards a calm resolution.

Gosh! I am so grateful to have walked through this path though i must admit its given me a number of sleepless nights! I may have not mastered all but looking back I definitely feel more confident now to handle pressure.

Dear Mister God this is @ina... Thank you for walking with me through this path and helping me grow in ways only you can teach me! :)

Our New Home

2010-07-17T01:03:00.001+05:30

My friend and I moved into a new House today. It was in a great location with a beautiful view from the rooms and the living space. It was perfect in every way. Cosy, quiet, warm and just gave us a feeling of home!

We did all our basic shopping to move in, took some cake and a drink and moved some of our things. It was exciting as we unpacked and talked no end about how wonderful our new home is.

As we set up our house my silent prayer was that this place we now call our home would be a place of much joy, laughter, sharing and caring.

I must admit the move was exciting but what made it most joyous was the friend who I was moving with who I had come to like very much. Doing things together just felt so good and I could not help but see my dear Lord's hand in just about everything.

Dear Mister God this is @ina... May this new house become a beautiful home filled with your goodness.

On Relationships

2010-06-20T02:57:00.002+05:30

From a recent conversation with a friend:

The best thing about relationships are,
Relationships make you a better person,
Nobody wants to be a better person,
And its easier to opt not to be in a relationship,
And not be a better person.

I just know thats worth recording! :)

Dear mister God this is @ina... No wonder you created us for relationships! :)

Lost in the Hills

2010-05-19T09:00:00.001+05:30

I spent three weeks of this month with a wonderful family and an amazing friend. Though our time together was short I will always cherish the memories. The house I stayed in was a 15 minute walk from the hills where you get lost trekking - The air was fresh, the grass green, the sun shining and just the perfect amount of wind to keep me happy! I loved it!

The family I stayed with had two little girls who were so loving. Kids are really the ones from whom we ought to learn to love from. Their instant acceptance, hugs and joys meant so much to me. And then there was my friend, N. She and I instantly became friends and shared so many cares and joys through the time we spent together. I would never forget this day when we learnt our jobs were at stake and there were so many impending personal decisions because of that - we just took a walk together and laughed so much!

Dear Mister God this is @ina... Thank you for beautiful people who come in all shapes and sizes and touch our lives.

Simple Things

2010-04-16T22:22:00.004+05:30

When was the last time you sipped a cup of tea and let the smell refresh you, the flavour tingle on your tongue, the warmth seap down you throat ... Oh well that may all sound a little over exagerated but honestly when was the last time you really enjoyed a cup of tea?

My mother has been observing this simple family who lives in a hut nearby working on a construction of a huge house. They seem to enjoy a simple thing like a cup of coffee so much!

And as we watch them cherish every small luxury (more like every simple pleasure) with such joy it reminds us how much we take for granted in each day.

Dear Mister God this is @ina... May I always enjoy the simplest of pleasures.

In the Middle

2010-04-03T19:51:00.007+05:30

Have you ever noticed that in life we seldom seem to be in the middle? The week before last I had absolutely nothing to do and worked barely 8 hours and then this last week has been so hectic i have hardly been able to breathe. When work is idle I complained to myself about reaching a plateau and when work is hectic i feel like a crazy person with no time for myself. Either way I find myself complaining to God about the way things are. Is there no middle God? i asked aloud.

"Well, my daughter he whispered its up to you to stay in the middle regardless of the way life should treat you!" I sighed. Its true, I hold the keys to living a balanced life yet I always seem to be juggling so many balls that I miss the middle.

(Secret: This is where I had saved this post more than a month ago because I dint feel I had learnt what i needed to finish it! I decided to attempt to complete it today...)

So lately, I have been learning a thing or two about balance and most of these lessons have been inspired by this person at work that God has brought into my life who is the exact opposite of me! I am a workaholic while he is a restaholic (if there can be one), i can be hyper while he is layed back, i can be edgy while he is cool.... am sure you get the picture! When asked to work together I had my apprehensions.

But you know what? This relationship has taught me so much about balance. We just need each others qualities in moderation and we could make sure we both have a more balanced work life! Well, i wish we could trade and barter qualities but its not so easy and I have had to work on becoming more easy going while hoping I teach him to be more responsible and now we work together as a simply great team though we did get off to a bit of a rough start. Now thats what I call God's surpirses! :)

Dear Mister God this is @ina . . . Got to love you for the lessons you teach me so gently and faithfully!

Life

2010-03-23T22:54:00.006+05:30

My dad and mom were dropping me at the airport at about 3.00 AM in the morning. I got into the car and said, do you both really have to come to drop me so early in the morning? Dad had a simple answer, "What is life da, but being together as long as we can".

To him, those 30 minutes of being together in the car on the way to the airport where special. To him, every moment of being together as a family counts and life is about making the most of those moments.

Dad's words kept ringing in my heart. I think thats a beautiful way of defining life.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina . . . May we always have the joy of togetherness.

Love should make it Possible

2010-02-13T21:33:00.013+05:30

I sat on the beach having a hearty chat with this friend of mine. We talked about work, about the challenges we faced each day, about our weaknesses and our desire to be better people... The conversation was centered around God and how with Him in our lives everything is so different.

She brought out an interesting point - If we love God, she said it must be so easy to do the right things because our motivation would be love. Yet we seem to keep failing. People do the right thing when driven by the fear of consequences than for love!

Isn't that so true? Love should make it possible for us to be gentle, kind, gracious, non-judgemental, accepting, forgiving... and all those nice things! We would probably practice all these qualities at work where peoples opinions matter but not with the people we love.

Why? we asked ourselves. I have been thinking about it, and it seems to me that the reason could be that Love is not easy - Love involves giving ourselves freely to another. Love demands us to put our focus on another instead of ourselves. Love insists that we forgive even when we know we will be hurt again... It draws me to the conclusion that Love is only possible with God. And the more we know God the more we can Love.

Btw - This is my 200th post! :) Thank you to those of you who read and keep me writing!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina . . . Your love makes me sing!

Guilty as Charged

2010-02-07T22:59:00.004+05:30

Hmmm.... I messed up. I made a mistake. This is not the first time I messed up. I have made the same mistake before and yet always found reasons to justify myself. Even now my mind can think of a hundred reasons why I did what I did but my heart knows that I was wrong. I let the battle rage in my mind, defending my actions and refusing to accept the simple fact that I was guilty! At the end of it all it was time to Surrender. I had to accept that I did not want to do what I did. I had to make up for the mistake that hurt a friend. I had to say I was sorry. I had to think of the *real* reason I did what I did. I had to get to the root of my problem and ask God to help me deal with it.

Peace is mine again and this post is a gentle reminder to me, to keep my promise to be gracious in speech.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina . . . Guilty as charged I come to you humbly and ask for forgiveness and the grace to change.

Positive Whispers

2010-01-31T20:41:00.005+05:30

I have always found that I find the greatest joy when I can quietly make a difference in a person's life. It may be one conversation, a word of encouragement or a discussion that resulted in some positive outcome. I consciously made an effort this week to find means and ways in which I could be positive and its funny but when you put your head to it there really is so much that can be done!

I found myself actually striking up various conversations, trying to be helpful when I felt tired, listen when my mind was full of thoughts of my own and the result was cool! I had made the time to whisper positive things to more than two lives and could see tangible differences in them. Exciting Stuff, Try it! :)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina . . . You designed us to love and there is nothing more exciting than being your instrument in all situations.

Just Cannot Out-give

2010-01-18T20:17:00.006+05:30

This season I have learnt some lessons on giving from the most humble of folks. A beautiful new house is being built next to us and we have a family of construction labourers who are temporarily living in a small hut near us to complete the work. The family has two small children a girl and a boy barely 2 and 1 year old.

The kids have the brightest most beautiful eyes and smile and we play with them when we get a chance. Mum has taken an interest in the family and helps them every now and then with practical things they need. She loves to give the kids small gifts like toys, balloons, ribbons, shoes or little snacks to eat.

However they surprise us by giving us a portion of their lintels or vegetables they buy, and even gave us some money on the local harvest day saying it was tradition. They give with love and we just cannot say No.

Whatever we give and do is out of our plentiful. What they give, they give out of their nothing. I am constantly challenged to see them give so generously when they have nothing and yet do it so happily while I am content giving out of the surplus. And through the months of this relationship, I have learnt we just cannot out-give this poor family

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking... May my heart be always willing to give even when I have nothing to give.

Finding my Sparkle

2009-12-30T06:37:00.006+05:30

I have not been writing very regularly lately and am making an effort to catch up on a few posts ahead of the new year. Year end posts are usually a celebration but here is one thats a little different.

Each of us have within us a sparkle - Something that makes our eyes glow, our face shine and our hearts rejoice. Let's stop for a second there. Thought of what makes you sparkle?

Well, I have seen that sparkle in my eyes on occasions when the kindness of a person overwhelms me, or the love I feel in my heart consumes me, or the joy of the moment captivates me. Lately that sparkle in me is missing. I wake up, go to work, work hard, enjoy work and the interaction at work, relax when at home, catch up with friends and so on.... The norm I should think but then there is definitely something missing. There was a point and time when no matter what i did I was excited, when hope was always louder than despair and Faith was stronger than Fear. When grey clouds where but a passing rain and sunshine never seemed too far away.

What has changed I ask myself and the answer seems simple - I have changed.

I have let go of childhood dreams and hit reality head on, I have grown tired of innocent hopes and accepted life’s twists, I have silenced the music in my spirit to listen to the voices of the world - I have settled for what is rather than expect what can be.

Am I right? I don’t think so.

So this New Year I have made a vow to myself to change what I can to put the spark back into my life. To sift through my baggage and find what makes me sparkle and pursue it.

If you are reading and can identify with me, Join me and lets raise our glasses to a new year of finding what makes us sparkle and pursuing it rather than settling for what is! :)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking... Help me to always remember You created me and put in my spirit a sparkle for a purpose.

My Wish-list

2009-12-19T22:21:00.000+05:30

I spent most of this year in a foreign country and enjoyed it very much – The people, places, sights, sounds, seasons where all new and exciting. Like anyone traveling abroad I had my own list of small wishes.

Well I can’t list them all but they are simple things like riding on a bus, taking a tram, playing in snow, making a snow angel, trying out crazy rides, ice skating to name a few. Oh! & this is a funny one… doing a drive through car wash! You see growing up my brother had this car set which had a car wash. You could move the car through it and there will be so many stages with water and soap and dry heat to clean the car. Well, I wanted to experience it from inside the car rather than just push the car through it.

I didn’t own a car so I could not do it myself but still just wanted to experience a car wash! Today, a day before I am to take my flight home a few friends and I went for a long drive to a mountain park and on our way back stopped at a gas station. Incidentally my friend noticed the car wash they had and decided the car desperately needed a wash! I was excited. It was as much fun as I thought it would be! :)

Beyond the fact that I enjoyed the car wash it just seemed like a heavenly reminder about how nothing is an accident and everything has a purpose designed by God. A God who took me all the way across the globe to provide me new experiences. A God He who enjoys seeing me have my wishes come true. A God who delights in my happiness. A God who watches over me and listens to my every prayer, every murmur from my heart. And no matter what life may bring my way and no matter what circumstances are like I was reminded of the fact that there is a God and He Cares.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking. . . :) You are great!

A white world

2009-11-21T21:51:00.002+05:30

I slept late last night hoping to be up early and out in the sunshine to go shopping. I woke up at 8, pretty late by my standards and drew the curtains to be absolutely amazed. The world had turned all white while I slept. I had not seen the weather forecast and apparently there was a snow prediction. All night long, there was a steady soft snowfall and now in the light of the morning everything looked absolutely white. The cars were covered with a couple of inches of snow and I could barely see their outline, the roads were missing, just white land stretching for as far as my eyes could see, the trees and bushes were specially a lovely sight. You could see people still bustling around in their winter jackets and hats looking crimson in the cold and surprisingly the sun was out. In the light of the sun the snow shone so bright that it was quite blinding. Steadily the snow still kept falling relentlessly and I felt like I was inside one of those beautiful paperweights where you could shake it and the small fake snow fell slowly down. It was a winter wonderland.

My friend’s and I got together and had a hot meal, played with cards for awhile, and then took a walk in the white world. We stooped at Starbucks to have a hot chocolate drink and talked about this and that. It was lovely.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Am amazed by the beauty of your creation and the spirit you have put within us.

Take a Deep Breath

2009-10-27T23:16:00.001+05:30

I have met this wonderful woman who I work with, recently. She is a one of a kind person and every time I talk to her I feel like I learn something new. It’s her attitude about everything, her outlook, her passion, her smile and her no-nonsense ways that make her special.

I have been learning a lot from her but one thing worth mentioning is – Take a deep Breath! You see, whenever she hears something that is disturbing, or not exactly what she wants to hear, she simply takes a deep breath. Sometimes she does it very deliberately and then pauses and moves on to express how she feels. Needless to say her words are always well thought and she seems to tackle all obstacles with tact.

She often would remind us to take a deep breath when we felt the pressure rise. I think that’s one lesson worth remembering!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Am glad you let her paths cross mine. Thank You.

Task Versus People

2009-09-08T22:57:00.004+05:30

Given a responsibility or task, it simply consumes me and takes first priority in my life. I generally go a long way to try to make people comfortable and tend to focus more on the long term benefits of investing into their lives rather than just getting the job done. However, I have noticed that the people involved with me, their feelings, concerns, life are things that are important to me but get overshadowed by my sense of responsibility on the task specifically when there is a lot of pressure.

Today for example at least two times I caught myself immediately focusing on the task at hand rather than first ensuring at least as a bare minimum I enquired on the personal concerns they had shared with me the previous day. It is rather an embarrassing discovery to make.

I have worked with a mentor type leader for the last couple of years who draws a hard and fast line between work and personal rapo. At work, X is very professional and focused on the responsibility at hand but after five tends to be more personal and easy to relate to. X has helped me learn to expect more of myself, work hard and constantly exceed expectations however I remember being upset at times about the fact that X never would say a good and kind word when things were hectic and that's when I needed it.

I am making the same mistake. I get so wrapped up in what needs to be done that I forget to be mindful of the way people around me feel on the days when I am under pressure and probably that's when its more important for me to do that.

Sigh. I have patient friends however who smile regardless. Thank you!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina . . . Grant me Patience and Good Cheer under Pressure!

P.S I recently stumbled across this blog of a friend - Good Posts! http://sereno-thoughts.blogspot.com/2009/01/look-in-mirror-of-life.html

A Beautiful Sunday

2009-08-30T22:56:00.000+05:30

Today I was reminded of the most simplest of sermons yet most powerful of all... Talk to God about everything... Everything!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina . . . Here I am, yet again. Glad to be reminded of the simplest of truths and most beautiful of blessings.

Trust

2009-08-27T22:54:00.003+05:30

Trust is something thats very unique in nature. Hard to earn and easy to loose is one of the most cliche statements we must have heard. I think of Trust has Faith in a person based on your knowledge of who they are and what they stand for.

Trust I beleive is built from truthfullness. A few happenings have led me to question my trust. All i expected was honesty and the truth and not being told that hurt. But then I guess in the aftermath I am wondering if I was always told the truth - would I be able to handle/accept it?

Maybe thats one reason why its hard to expect trustworthiness from others let alone to be trustworthy.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina . . . Its tough to earn trust and tougher still not to have someone trustworthy. Enable me to be trustworthy.

House of Thoughts

2009-06-16T22:19:00.003+05:30

This post may not apply to all but I am hoping a few out there could connect with me.

There are some of us who come across as thoughtful. Our thoughts are deep and we often find ourselves lost in them. We may be a little too introspective and self critical. We replay everything we say and do through the day in our head especially when things dint go well and try to find what we could have done better. We find it hard to let go of the things we failed to do right and try to have an idealistic relationship with everyone we know.

To me, such a person, this is probably one of the most important statements a friend can ever say - Don't let your thoughts live your life.

Here is how i understand that - We live in a house made of thoughts. And there are two ways we can build our house. One, like a bird we can make a nest where our thoughts are a strong foundation, a place to rest and prepare for the next day. When morning comes we take flight in search of new experiences. Two, like a frog we can make our thoughts a strong wall around us and live within the confines of it like the story of the frog in the well.

Thoughts are a part of who we are but like all things need to be balanced. When we let our thoughts take over our life we end up like a frog imprisoned in the wall of our thoughts. A better use of our thoughts would be to build us up for new experiences everyday by motivating ourselves to spread our wings like a bird, taking one day at a time and not worrying about the little things.

A bird or a frog? Perhaps I need to ask myself that question everyday.

This blog was inspired by a dear friend - Thank you!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking. . . Help me soar like an eagle!

You & We

2009-06-07T22:27:00.004+05:30

Recently I said "They" in context to another part of my team on a different shore but meant it quite strongly as in "They did that not us!". I was gently reminded by this person I respect to say "We". Just repeating the sentence with a "We" instead of "They" turned the whole thing into such a positive statement.

Ironically the same day I received this mail with a "You" instead of "We" and it made me quite mad! I read it over again with a "We" instead and it magically transformed the mail into nothing much to be upset about.

It is a small word but certainly makes a whole lot of difference to what your saying and how you mean it. I have this friend who always had the ability to say *We*. Even if it was a task that I was supposed to do, X will always say "We" can do it! And it just made you feel like a team and no matter how tough the task the "We" factor made it light to the mind.

Tonight as I was chatting with my mom she was telling me of a cousin who made it more easier for his mom, battling sickness by always saying "We" as in We can beat this together!"

It's a small word but can make a big difference to the way we think, feel and act in a situation!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . May my I's and You's be overshadowed by We's.

Memorable Line from the Movie

2009-05-31T23:08:00.001+05:30

Jenny Curran: Do you ever dream, Forrest, about who you're gonna be?
Forrest Gump: Who I'm gonna be?
Jenny Curran: Yeah.
Forrest Gump: Aren't-aren't I going to be me?

Wow!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . To be me - Thats my purpose after all.

The Key to Happiness

2009-05-23T10:55:00.002+05:30

This must be one of the most debated topics in the world. And its probably true that one size does not fit all. In the sense that each of us will need to find out what the key to our happiness is.

I have spent many long evenings starring at the stars wondering what would make me happy. I know that nothing excites me more than knowing that I am capable of and many times do make a difference in the lives around me.

Having said that this post is more about a general rule of thumb for happiness. Most of my posts are inspired by conversations with those around me and so is this one.

X asked me, did you really enjoy it? We were talking about the year I spent in another country. My spontaneous reply was, I went there without any expectations and so every smallest kind act or word felt like a surprise gift. And everyday I would find myself receiving such gifts big and small from different places and people that it kept me happy most of the time!

Ah! Said X, Having no expectations is the key to happiness.

I haven't quite thought of it that way, but its true. In an unfamiliar country with new friends its easier to have no expectations and thereby be pleasantly surprised over every good thing but back home I guess take-it-for-granted rules over no-expectations.

So is no expectations a general key to happiness? Definitely worth a thought!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking. . . May I always have the humility to remember every kindness is a gift.

Let Go

2009-05-19T22:55:00.007+05:30

In a meeting today someone said these words - "Learn to let Go."

It made me think of the many times when if I even make a silly mistake, I let my little head choose to slip n slide over split milk rather than forging forward with my next attempt!

Its a simple statement to make but I only wish we all had the capabilities to do that.... it would simplify our lives *so* much - We could accept people just the way they are, put up with a lot of stuff that annoys us in general, make mature decisions, move forward faster.... In fact I am sure if we as a person or a group or a city or a nation decide to let go of things that need to be let go and focus on things that need attention we could achieve incredible heights. And I mean incredible!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . grant me the serenity to let go of the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference!

Good Intensions

2009-05-18T22:46:00.001+05:30

I find it hard to know if my good intentions translated into good actions are always good! You know what I mean? I just feel I have to affirm, appreciate or share my admiration of the people in my life with them most of the time. Sometimes I just worry I may not get another chance to let them know how much whatever they did or said meant to me and so I just have to tell them right then and there how wonderful they have been to me! And if I missed to do that, probably in another conversation I would try to thank them somehow rather than just let it pass. I find it hard to stop myself from doing that but at times I wonder if its the right thing to do after all. Hmmmm...

Was talking to a friend about that and in a minute X put that in perspective - Its your intentions that matter; Nothing else!

I guess i was getting a little caught up on how others perceive me or trying to judge if I could be misunderstood or just not sure if appreciation is something I can freely give.

Conclusion? Its how God's made me and am happy about that. People will just have to put up with it I guess! =)

Btw was just listening to this song while writing this blog and its a good one - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ujenRXDu2Ik&feature=related

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I'm free to be me ;)

Mom

2009-05-11T11:01:00.000+05:30

You dreamed about what I would be like,
Carefully picked a name for me,
Called to me when I could not even see you;
You sang to me when I cried,
Held me when I was afraid,
Lovingly taught me every syllable a million times;
Made sure I had all my meals everyday,
Showed me the world through your eyes,
Watched over me day and night relentlessly;
Walked with me as I grew up,
Loved me with every changing tide,
Prayed with me every morning without fail;
Today I stand strong and tall,
With big dreams and an unquenchable faith,
Hoping I could give you back some of that love you gave me.

Happy Mother's Day Mom!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Thank You for Mom & Dad.

I Just Remember How I Felt

2009-04-18T08:51:00.000+05:30

A couple of us at work were talking about something, when one friend said to another..."She once said something negative about me, but she said it in a way that made me feel good - I don't remember what she said, i just remember how I felt and I felt good and actually made me want to think about what I did"

The words "I just remember how I felt" stays in my mind - Its true! The way people make me feel stays in my heart much longer than anything else.

Lets see... when i talk to some i feel "good" maybe its because they make me laugh, maybe its because they make me see myself in a different light or inspire me to be a better person, maybe its because they are compassionate, maybe its because they are positive.... its these people i like to hang around. Then there are some who make me feel "not so good" and maybe its because I don't know them well or because I feel judged when I am around them.

It made me think again about how I make the people who i meet and talk to everyday feel - The ones at home, work and my friends circle... Given the fact that the way people feel around us is dictated a lot by general mood, tone, choice of words and expressions. In our busy lives it's so easy to forget that how people around us feel is influenced by us.

Having said that, I'd like to make people around me feel warm...In my definition that would include being a person who listens to what they have to say, remembers to respect them, admires them for their uniqueness, being kinder than necessary at all times and telling them the truth gently even when its hard. Hmmm... But that sounds like a complex set of expectations. Doesn't it? Maybe all it really takes is *being there* to share a laugh or tear or just a good conversation. People feel good when other people make the time to "be there" for them!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Sometimes all my role in life seems to be just "being there". And its not always easy but give me the grace to do just that.

I'm proud of you

2009-04-08T23:07:00.000+05:30

One of Dad's often repeated words to me are - "I'm so proud of you". In fact no matter how i felt hearing him say that always brought a smile to my face and assured me that I must be doing something right. Life at times throws daunting situations or periods when nothing much makes sense and times we doubt our own capabilities... Hearing Dad's constant voice reassuring me that he is simply proud of me has helped me cope with dull days, lifted my spirit so many times and just made me feel like everything is okay after all.

I'm so proud to have a dad who loves me just the way i am and thinks the world of me. Just had to share that! :)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . .Did I just hear you say "I'm proud of you too"! :)

A Loving Mess

2009-03-30T03:11:00.000+05:30

Oh well, here i go again - revisiting my favourite passage in the Bible -

Love is patient; Love is kind; Love does not envy and is not boastful; Love is not proud or rude; Love is not self-seeking;Love is not easily angered, irritable or resentful;Love keeps no record of wrongs;Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth; Love always protects; Love always trusts; Love always hopes; Love always preserves; Love never fails."

I Corinthians 13:4-8

I think if you were to summarize the entire Bible in one word it would be 'Love' and the ability to love in the way mentioned in the passage above comes from God.

I have been reflecting on my relationships with my family, my relatives, my friends and realized something... Relationships can be messy, not always easy and sometimes crazy. (That even rhymes like the words are in agreement with what i am saying! )

With family I know them just too well and tend to take them for granted, with relatives its hard to judge when I am being loving and when I am intruding, with friends its always tough to know when I am crossing the lines and besides that we all have our own quirks. I use this passage to guide me when I am confused and at times its just hard because emotions run high and worldly wisdom gives a different guideline.

Reading it again for the first time I saw the flip side to it. I realized that when I am in a loving relationship in some ways its guaranteed to be a mess... there are times I am going to run out of patience and need to remind myself to be patient, times I will be cruel and need to remember to be kind, times I will envy or be boastful, times I may be rude or self seeking, times I could be irritable and resentful, times i record every mistake committed, times i will even delight in whats not right, times i may attack rather than protect or doubt rather than trust or despair instead of hope, destroy instead of preserve and even fail to be loving at all! (Ouch!)

And despite all of that my family, my relatives & my friends make a choice to be in a loving relationship with me and continue to try to love me as in the passage above and likewise so I try. Now isn't that amazing? :)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Your Love is amazing!

Life’s Like That

2009-03-17T12:24:00.000+05:30

There is a Jewish proverb: “A father wants to teach his son about trust. He asks him to stand on a step and jump. And the father catches him. He asks him to climb a step higher and jump. The father catches him. He asks him to climb higher and jump and the father catches him. He asks him to climb higher still and the father steps back and lets him fall. The boy picks up himself crying and bleeding…”

That’s the opening line to the movie “Then She Found Me”. The movie is about April, a Jewish lady who deals with life and the surprises/shocks it throws her way…ultimately she must rely on her deep-rooted faith to deal with the betrayals she has suffered not only at the hands of those she trusted but by the God she worships as well.

The movie ends with the conclusion to the proverb: “…when the boy was caught by his father his heart was filled with love and when he fell he learnt about Life.”

The movie takes you through the ups and downs of Aprils life and through it all she discovers to trust not just when things go right but also in bitterly disappointing times. I could relate to the movie and at first the proverb made me feel like saying ‘whaaaaaat??’ after all which father wants to let a child fall but by the end of the movie I could understand better. Life is like that – we fall, we hurt, we love, we ache, we reach out, we shun, we help, we heal, we fight, we forgive, we anger, we betray, we fail, we disappoint, we hope, we try. And though we seek the times when we jump and are caught, it’s also the times when we are allowed to fall and pick ourselves up again that enable us to live our life.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I never understood why you would let me fall and hurt when I take a leap of faith. But through the times when I am held by your hand and filled with love and the times I hurt so badly in disappointment I have learned to Trust and Leap again.

The change of Seasons

2009-02-10T07:31:00.000+05:30

Winters cold fingers seem to be slipping away and the air is so much warmer & the evening brighter.

Last Evening I sat on a park bench (Its been a awhile since I could do that) and browsed through some of my old notes enjoying the wind, sound, and smells. Slowly darkness fell and the full moon peered through the trees looking spectacular.

Today I went out for a long walk and it was just wonderful to feel the fresh air on my face, hear the sound of kids playing, see the trees rustle with joy announcing that warmer days are coming. I wished I could take a deep breath and just hold it all in!

I remember at the start of winter when darkness covered us all in the early evening I wondered how I would get through the months ahead. Having lived close to the equator all my life this was my first winter! Turned out that Winter had its own delights to offer.

My heart flys high in celebration of the winter gone by and the expereinces it brought into my life and in anticipation of Spring to come! :)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . No thoughts to write, just a gleeful joy within that I want to share and I know you rejoice!

Shopping

2009-02-08T13:28:00.000+05:30

For as long as I can remember my Mom and me have always enjoyed going out shopping together. Be it for vegetables, groceries, or clothes & accessories or just window shopping. We would take our bags gleefully say goodbye to my Dad and spend hours together shopping and the time always seemed to fly by!

We used to visit a crammed market place every week for fresh vegetables and I loved carrying the bags for her and smiling at the folks we had to come know with time. I enjoyed watching her browse through products she would meticulously analyze before buying when we go grocery shopping.

Clothes shopping was fun! We would always look for pretty things at affordable prizes, try them on and make absolutely sure we wanted to get them. Mum always encouraged me to be adventurous and try new colours and fits because I could be stale at times. Most of the time the staff in the shop would look at us so curiously because she would be more than happy to get me more than I want and I would argue and literally fight that I dint really need it. Well ultimately she would win and convince me to get it and I would be glad I did. The perfect way to end shopping trips was with a fashion show for my dad who was the privileged audience cum judge who got to approve all we bought. :)

Time has taken me thousands of miles from home and shopping has now become a routine trip I do by myself most of the time. Its different but I have learnt to enjoy that too.

This weekend however she happened to call me when I was in the Mall shopping for some gifts for family and friends. We got to walk through the stores virtually together. I was talking with her about the things I was seeing and we talked about it and decided who we could get it for…. In the evening we got on video chat and I decided to do a parade all the things I got!

It was fun and it brought back memories of our shopping trips together. It was one of those simple mum & daughter things that I’ll always cherish.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Teach me to always make time for the simple things in life that help us to build bonds and appreciate relationships.

Thou Shall Tease

2009-02-06T09:56:00.000+05:30

There are few people I have met in my life who have a sense of good natured humour. One such person I have come to know who we shall call Mister M has this unique ability. The most redundant, humdrum things in a day become lively when Mister M is around... Needless to say people tend to flock around him!

I have watched M over the months and am amazed at how this spirit of laughter is consistently part of him. Be it a busy day, a boring day, a long day, a taxing day or just a normal day one can trust Mister M to remain in good humour.

For example a couple of weeks ago, a few of us went to this concert which turned out to be shockingly different from what we expected. I was ready to run out of the doors the first interval but not with Mister M. He made us sit there and laugh and enjoy the whole deal and I came home that night laughing till my sides hurt! What could have been a barely bearable evening turned out to be an enjoyable entertaining evening after all!

I admit humour is a natural gift which some have and some like Mister M posses in an abundant quantity and then there are others (like me) who love to laugh but are not always the ones who make others laugh. Perhaps we randomly make efforts but know that it is not necessarily "our thing".

Recently i decided to challenge that and try to consciously put an effort into "teasing" & making the people I talk to laugh. And you know something i am surprised by how I (Yes I!) could find so many silly things to say and make conversations so much more enjoyable! Between I also realized it takes a lot of effort to keep others in mind despite your work, your thoughts, your worries and your deadlines so you can make people around you laugh.

Am still an armature at this but Hey World this is just a salute to Mister M and others like Mister M out there. Also to folks like me please do lighten up and lets try not to take ourselves or others too seriously too much of the time! ;)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Help me to learn to remain in good humour through the best and worst times of life.

Girl Friends

2009-01-31T22:22:00.000+05:30

This year began with me having to bid farewell to one of my close girl friends… We worked together for two years and parted for awhile but then again ended up being neighbours in a foreign land. That was one of life's most unexpected surprises!

I remember the first day I met her. She was new and needed some help. The minute we met I felt we clicked and that was it. Over the months we grew to be pretty good friends. She would put up with my craziness with ease and I loved her to bits.

Recent months have taught me the value of ‘girl friends’ more for the lack of them. I have a few you-can-always-count-on-me GF’s but times and tides have taken us apart and in their absence their value is felt more.

Five reasons on the top of my head to miss my GF’s? Here goes…

GF’s can be silly. We have silly conversations, silly arguments, silly fights, silly jokes, and just enjoy being silly! Know what I mean? Something like… “You said you would call me! You dint?! How could you….” I am kinda realizing that sometimes the way we show our love is by just being silly!

Two, they can tell you just what you need to hear. If your happy or sad or anxious or just don’t know what you are feeling, they can still tell you just what you need to hear.

Three, the fact that no matter what you do, you know deep down they’ll understand. You don’t have to explain yourself on a bad day. They will treat you just the same the next day even if you acted dumb the precious day.

Four, they compliment you. They can sometimes brighten the most dull day by saying something as simple as “I like your hair…”, “That colour looks so good on you!”

Five, you decide you have rights to the way they live their life. You get involved in their stories, you offer advice, you share in their pain, you scold when you think you must. You are not afraid to be part of their life and demand that they let you share in their joys and sadness! & that’s a privilege!

To the girls I love and admire - I know I take you for granted most of the time…Thank you for being in my life.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Thank you for making us just the way we are. Perhaps we spend most of our time worrying about our shortcomings when actually you have made us just that way for a reason.

A Roller Coaster Ride

2008-12-31T23:48:00.000+05:30

On the last evening of the last day of this year I got to go on a virtual roller coaster ride with a friend! Let me narrate...

Hoping to be on time for an evening show of a rather cute animated movie we rushed to the theater and found we were just a little too late. Disappointed? Hmmm... Not really. It was a last minute plan and we tried so that was all that was important. Walking out we saw this ride on an amusing thing that looked like a shell and we decided to give it a try. Now I did not see what the ride was about or what the shell does except that it was called a virtual roller coaster.

So we get the tickets and stand in line and my heart starts ticking louder than it has ever before. The shell does every kind of turn you can imagine. It goes up, down, upside down..... Ugh! I always told myself I wanted to ride a real roller coaster. Honestly even the big ones did not look too scary (on TV!) but standing next in line to the virtual coaster I found myself backing out one small step at a time.

Motivated by my friend five minutes later I find myself sitting in it. We are zipped up in the seat much like a baby is in a car seat and the shell closes. The big screen in front of us starts playing some music and within minutes we are on the roller coaster for a virtual ride... Yep, it twisted and turned and while my friend laughed I screamed!

Got to admit though it was fun! :) And it literally seems like the perfect way to end this year for me.

Life this year has been much like this virtual roller coaster. There were times I found myself sign up for events without actually knowing what I was up for, Friends who stood by me and helped me be brave, Twists and turns I did not anticipate but enabled me to see different sides of life, ups and downs that have humbled my heart and highs and lows that have made my soul strong. At the end of the ride I thought to myself that was definitely worth it and looking back at 2008 I feel just the same way.

My year end post for 2007 was a wish for an extraordinary year and this has definitely been an extraordinary year in every way - I have been surrounded by people who are not my family but have shown me so much of love and care, I have seen my mental barriers break down so I can appreciate differences in people and experiences a lot more, I have found my heart face loneliness and companionship and learn to take them both with serenity, I have found my spirit grow more care free while my eyes have matured, I have found that Faith holds on to you when you have nothing to hold on to and most of all grown in my ability to Love.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Thank you for this extraordinary year and the extraordinary people who you have put into my life.

Independence

2008-11-25T12:40:00.000+05:30

That’s a word that’s been on my mind a lot. I have tried to motivate myself to be independent because by nature I tend to be dependent.

However it just struck me suddenly that the word independence actually had dependence within it & In-Dependence is almost the opposite of independence as we define it!!

As per thesaurus the synonyms of the word independent are Self-governing, Self-determining, Self regulating or free. Makes me think can anyone ever be truly independent?

Accept it or not our choices, our thoughts, our ways and our plans impact those around us and they contribute to it. If to be independent is to reach a point where we choose to think that nothing we say or do impacts others is I think a little foolish, yet in some ways is where we seem to be heading with all this emphasis on “Self”.

Over the past months I have had to depend on many kind souls and have at times wished I dint do that since I feel so indebted to them and yet have no way to repay their kindness. All I could do is perhaps pass it on when the time is right.

In dependence I have found the joys of sharing and letting others touch my life. In dependence I have grown to appreciate even the smallest of good gestures. In dependence I have learnt that it’s okay to be disappointed and have found myself many a time pleasantly surprised. In dependence I have grown to know, love and respect people more than I have done before. And In dependence I have learnt that I can never truly be independent and I do not need to strive to be either.

Sigh! Isn’t that’s a relief?

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . :)

The Humble Onion

2008-08-04T00:25:00.000+05:30

I wonder how an onion grows. I assume the bulb first appears and then slowly there are layers formed over it. One after the other these layers appear and the outer ones are thicker than those within. Over time the onion bulb is fully grown and has many layers to it. Whenever I cut an onion I am amused by the many layers it has. I am pleased to uncover the layers and reach the bulb.

As I grow older I am finding more layers in my life. The bulb which was once all that the world could see seems to be hidden away now. Each layer seems to be thicker and increases the distance from the bulb.

Can I call these layers a mask? Can I call them protocols? Or are they rituals? Can I think of them as tradition? Or are they just human nature?

I may not have a name for the layers but I have been thinking about them in the quietness of my soul. Each layer seems to make me a little more complicated and makes it harder for me to see the truth. But then again it’s what nature calls survival. A bulb can’t possibly survive without those protective layers around it.

Do I have a point to this narration? While the layers are required to survive, I don’t think an onion has been put to use without being peeled and cut. It looks beautiful just the way it is but to be of value you got to get to the bulb.

Dear Mister God this is @ina talking… I want my life to make a difference and the layers cannot come in the way.

In the Woods

2008-07-29T10:50:00.000+05:30

I spent a weekend in the woods in a getaway cabin with some friends and their families. The sound of the woods at night is a one time experience.

Let me attempt to explain:
Felt like an orchestra was playing with musicians never hear of before yet professional in every way. The instruments they used have never been seen before yet were totally melodious. There is a hoot there, a chirp here, a whistle elsewhere, a rattling closer by while in the background there is a gentle wind cheering the musicians on in their unique song. The sky could not resist joining in and broke out with an occasional thunderous roar and a continuous pitter-patter.

I rocked myself on a wooden chair listening to them in stillness. Like I said the sound of the woods at night is a one time experience.

Dear Mister God this is @ina talking… It does not take professional or great instruments to make music. Does it? I guess the sweetest song is one that comes from our soul.

Being Bold

2008-07-01T10:26:00.000+05:30

Let’s do a little a word study:

Bold: Webster defines bold as “Not hesitating or fearful in the face of actual or possible danger or rebuff; courageous and daring”

Bravery is not the absence of fear but defying fear. And I believe in the face of possible danger it is innate in us to be brave despite fear.

But I have been exploring another dimension of braveness. Being brave in the dark night of the soul, in the quietness of loneliness, in the absence of love, in the face of being let down, in the hope of something that never comes, in the tears of life and in the battles of everyday emotions.

Unlike bravery in the traditional sense this sort of bravery is something that none of us can escape from and truly tests the will and strength of the human spirit.

It’s an interesting thought because I always defined my own courage in terms of one off situations in my life. But come to think of it it’s not an innate one off episode that qualifies us as bold but rather strength of mind and spirit developed over the years in everyday life.

Dear Mister God this is @ina talking… Am getting there! =)

Reality: Need: Expectation

2008-02-25T09:33:00.000+05:30

X was talking to us today about an interesting aspect of life. To everything in life there is a reality in a situation, a need associated with that situation and finally an expectation on the situation.

For example reality is I must eat food to live; Need would be I must eat good and healthy food to live. Expectation could be I must eat pizza and pasta to live! ; )

Generally X approximates the Need to be three times the Reality and the Expectation to be six times the Need and nine times the Reality!

Practically speaking if I can survive in a three hundred square feet house I look for a thousand two hundred square feet house; And when I have a thousand two hundred square feet house (my current reality) I look for a ten thousand eight hundred square feet house and when I have a ten thousand eight hundred square feet house I look for a ninety seven thousand two hundred square feet house and when I ….!!

See where I am heading? The more you have the more you perceive you need and the more you expect in life.

How do you balance it all? That’s the challenge.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Keep me mindful of the reality, watchful of my need and humble in my expectation.

Nameless Friends

2008-02-19T10:47:00.000+05:30

This evening I had to go to this shop a short walk away from my house to get a few prescription drugs for my mom. I don’t frequent the shop but I remember the first time I went there. There was this pleasant middle aged gentleman and we smiled and greeted each other. When I was done I looked him in the eye, smiled and tried to say a warm thank you as well as I could.

Since then I’ve been there a few times and it’s always a pleasant 3 to 5 minutes of interaction. This evening he was not in the shop but there was a pleasant girl. Once I was done I turned around and found him walking towards the store. He warmly smiled, said hello and inquired if I had got all I needed.

His courteousness put a broad smile on my face and reminded me of the umpteen nameless friends I have. The watchmen I see everyday on my way to work, the lady staff who help keep the place clean, the person who politely held the door for me till I walked past, the young girls who help me fill my vehicle with petrol, the helpers at the counter on the grocery shop close by, the girl who sat next to me on the public bus today, and so many more.

Some have been one time acquaintances and some are once in awhile acquaintances. What held my attention was the fact that all these interactions in some ways have helped us enrich each others life and was the cause for me to be having a BROAD smile on my face!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I say a little prayer for all my nameless friends and may I be a named and nameless friend to many more.

LOL

2008-02-04T09:40:00.000+05:30

I have found that at it takes to cheer up a moody heart, a confused mind, or an anxious soul is a *real* loud laugh!

Am so grateful for the people in my life who make me laugh –

My mum who can say just what I am thinking simply looking into my face and make me laugh like a child, Dad’s daddy ways that I can’t help but laughing at, my brother whose uncanny conversations keep me laughing even long after I am done talking to him, the friends who I have not talked to in a while and call to catch up, the person who sits near me at work and takes the time to chat and laugh with me through the course of my day, friends who enjoy teasing me especially the funny friend who tries to mimic me and makes me laugh till my sides ache, my girl friends who share silly laughs with me, a distant friend who faithfully sends me funny forwards, my niece whose little girl talk is so entertaining, the latest addition to my family a six month old who is so amazing and cute that every minute with her I’m laughing … that’s to name a few!

This other day for example over lunch we started to talk about cricket. Much to our amusement this friend of mine had no clue about cricket. “I only watched the world cup” she says, “I don’t get it, I see an LBW and the score does not go up!”

LOL! Of course mischievous me did not stop there but went on to ask her about what a 4 or 6 or a hat trick could be …!!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Can’t help but think you LOL with me.

Guiding & Spoiling

2008-01-23T12:30:00.000+05:30

Let’s do a word study…

Guide: To assist to travel through, or reach a destination in, an unfamiliar area, as by accompanying or giving directions to the person; to force to move in a certain path; to supply with advice or counsel, as in practical or spiritual affairs; to supervise in an advisory capacity. Synonyms: direct; show; steer; lead; conduct; channel; point; pilot.

Spoil: To damage severely or harm (something), esp. with reference to its excellence, value, usefulness, etc. to diminish or impair the quality of; affect detrimentally; to impair, damage, or harm the character or nature of (someone) by unwise treatment, excessive indulgence, etc. Synonyms: ruin; mess up; blemish; destroy; indulge; pamper; pander to.

I few words from a leader I respect led me into this word study on guiding and spoiling. You see, I always *thought* I knew the difference and that I would not confuse the two.

But today I realized that sometimes there is a fine line between the two though they mean such entirely different things and I can easily confuse the two for *short term gain* over *long term growth*.

I enjoy being a mentor and helping people I work with grow to their full potential. I realize however as I work with them on a daily basis I need to be watchful that I am guiding and not spoiling!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I guess that helps explain why your ways are so much different from our own.

Do something New Everyday

2008-01-19T11:38:00.000+05:30

I was in a pep talk today with a few young people who joined us at my work place. “Do something New Everyday!” X encouraged them.

The words have been echoing in my head. This year I have been trying to maintain a journal at work as well. I have a hand made bookmark on it that says the same words and reminds me to consciously try things I have never done before!

It’s amusing how many new things you can find to do once you start looking!

To all my readers, Do make the effort to do something New Everyday!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Life is exciting!

Finding that Someone

2008-01-16T11:13:00.000+05:30

There comes a point and time in life when all of us, whoever or wherever we may be pause and think about that someone special who we would like to share the rest of our lives with.

Some create a list of likes and don’t likes and try to fit the person into a mould. Some have an imaginary portrait in their heads and chose not to settle for anything different. Some create a wish list and patiently hope every one of it will come together in that one person. Some on the other hand don’t hope but just settle for their lot in life for in hoping they fear disappointment. Some are clueless in their quest and chase the wind.

Funny thing is - I can see a little bit of myself in every one of those descriptions! Deep down however I hope that when I finally meet that someone I will *know* and that someone will be perfect just the way he is and the quest will come to an end not because the person fits my mould, or my imaginary portrait, my wish list or what I feared to hope for but because in his own way he will complete me.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Ah! Guess that’s how you planned it all along!

My Year End Post

2008-01-01T12:16:00.000+05:30

An old friend called me today and we got talking about the year that has gone by. X was keen to know what I had been doing out of the normal this year… The extra curricular things, the adventures, the first timers, the new experiences, the things that I did despite the odds…

X really got me thinking and inspired!

Truth is this year has been adventurous and rewarding in many ways. I challenged myself to take up new experiences and my diary is dotted with things I did for the first time all through this year. Also, this time last year I know I was so worried about loosing friends whose companionship I enjoyed so much. One of the most memorable things about this year however has been learning to let go of some of the people I loved and finding I’m surrounded by people I have fallen in love with.

Looking back I can only smile. =)

Picking of where 2007 winds up here’s my toast to the New Year: May it be an extraordinary year – Lets not settle for the ordinary but go the extra mile to make it extraordinary in every way!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . It’s been an amazing year filled with amazing people and shaped by an amazing God. Thank you!

A Window

2007-12-31T10:15:00.000+05:30

Recently I moved to a new place at work. My desk is right between two French windows on the sixth floor.

I’ve been so excited! The light from the window is so much better than the artificial lights I am used to. Through the window I can see a garden at the center surrounded by a couple of other buildings that are still coming up. On a rainy day I can hear the pitter patter of the rain and the drops that settle on the window look so beautiful. It’s on the west and on a sunny day around 3 pm the warm rays of the sun bathe my place a golden shade. By 5 if it’s a clear sky I can see the fiery red ball bid me farewell as he slips away for a well earned nights rest and the sky turns dark red to black till I just have to wind up my work and leave for the day.

At times I sit on the window sill and chat with friends or simply take a break and stare out. It’s amazing how much pleasure this window gives me!

I guess there are something’s in life that no matter how many times you experience the feeling of awe remains – Like watching the sunrise or sunset, the moon and the stars, a rainbow, the sea, a fountain, flowers, the sky, street lights on a never ending road, streams, rocks, a laughing baby…

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I am your spoilt child!

A Quiet Morning

2007-12-28T13:25:00.000+05:30

Mum loves gardening and she uses logs, stones and shells to make pots that are beautifully decorated. Last evening she found a hollow piece of log on the beach that would make a beautiful pot but could not carry it home.

So this morning Mum and I woke up early and drove to the beach with our dog. It was a misty morning and we thought that we would probably not get to see the sun rise.

The beach was lonely and calm. The only sound we could hear was the gentle lapping of the waves on the shore. It was blissful. We walked a few yards before we came across the log that mom wanted. Sure enough it was a masterpiece, ravaged by the wind and the water yet perfectly suited for our purpose. We picked it up joyfully!

The sun was not yet out but a mass of clouds hovering over the horizon seemed to be hiding it. However as though just to delight us the loners on the beach the sun a perfectly round orange ball decided to slowly peek out in all its glory over the calm sea. A small fishing boat was right in the center of it and the clouds around it turned pink with a silver trimming. Spellbound we watched as the sun paraded for us. It was the most beautiful sun rise I have witnessed so far.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . .Oooo!

Trying to define Love

2007-12-23T12:44:00.000+05:30

This time of the season always makes me think of love. And like so many I try to define it, explain it or reason it. After meandering through many memories, thoughts, opinions I have heard and experiences I have had here is my latest perception…

Love appreciates the small things about you that others never care to notice and brings out the best in you so naturally. Love makes you *feel* beautiful without even realizing it!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I guess the real mirror is found in the eyes of those who love us.

The three boxes

2007-12-20T12:11:00.000+05:30

My friend and I were having a conversation today that I really enjoyed. X has had a lot of changes over the last couple of months and is just settling down… making new friends, and learning how things work in the place X is in etc. One of the first hardest battles X is facing is knowing when to be yourself and when to tone down and be something your not just so that X does not stand out.

Know what I mean?

We all live in three boxes. Let’s call one True Colors, the second Others Voices and the third Projected Colors. One is our very own thinking box. Two is when we know our thinking box would not do so try to think through “everyone else’s” perspective. And three is who we are to the outside world.

The further one and three go the more uncomfortable we get. The closer one and three are the happier we tend to be with ourselves. But all this depends on box two. My friends question was box two cannot be ignored and may often help you be wise but sometimes can simply confuse you. So when do you listen to box two and when do you not?

Hmmm… Not a simple question. And I did not have the answer. All I could say was I knew that X was not the same person I knew and to be completely honest I missed the real X. Truth is X’s real self was not widely appreciated and I could understand the ups and downs that X was going through but given a choice I would fight to help X be all that box one demands X to be without a second thought.

All said and done, Do I live by box one afterall?

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I’m sure your busy fighting for the same too in many lives including mine!

An Unexpected Response

2007-12-08T11:45:00.000+05:30

I lost my cool yesterday and I was so upset about that. Thankfully I did not use words that I was not supposed to use but I still said things in a tone that I was not suppose to use.

I had a rather brilliant day which was dampened by this unexpected explosion of mine. The calm voice within me tried to tell me its okay but I just was not okay with me. I knew the situation could have been handled by motivating but I handled it by reprimanding. I felt it was too early to reprimand.

Today however I had decided to pep talk the people involved and make things better. I was sure that the damage had been done though and could see no way in which things could be better.

Why do I call this post - an unexpected response?

Well because of the three people involved one came up to me and said ‘Since yesterday you have become my role model!’

There is no conclusion to this post. Just a thought – The very action that I felt made me fall from being a role model actually made me one!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . It’s not a parallel but reminds me of your principles – give to receive, loose to win, serve to lead, die to live.

Humbled

2007-11-29T12:00:00.000+05:30

Am humbled by people who I once closed the doors of my heart and mind to and have later fond that they have earned my admiration, respect and love despite my blinkered perception of them

Am humbled by people who choose to remain passionate about their dreams in life despite their circumstances while I have let life take a toll on mine

Am humbled by people whose vast experiences astound me and make me realize that I’ve still tasted just a morsel of life

Am humbled by people whose knowledge of a subject is so profound that next to them I feel so small

Am humbled by people who have stood the test of time and still stand strong and tall while I murmur about the slightest discomfort

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Perhaps the best position to be in is to be humbled.

Just Enough

2007-11-23T12:33:00.000+05:30

Isn’t it great when you have just enough…

Time to talk to that one person who needed your time
Money to pay that bill you did not expect
Space to jam one more person into your car
Food to serve an extra guest
Joy within you to make another person laugh
Experiences to be of help to some one else
Patience to keep that relationship working
& so on….

Well I had a just enough experience today that filled my heart with gladness!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Thank you for just enough - down to the last dime!

Hmmm…

2007-11-13T11:30:00.000+05:30

There are something’s that must be never uttered to anyone.

There are something’s that must be whispered from ear to ear.

There are something’s that must be spoken in quiet tones.

There are something’s that must be said on a one to one basis.

There are something’s that must be shouted so all can hear.

If you know which to do when you have learnt an aspect of being gracious; and if you don’t others and you may get hurt.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Having said that, I guess the motive behind the course of action I take matters more! Hmmm…

Retrospection

2007-11-06T10:25:00.000+05:30

Been awhile since we did a word study so here goes…

Retrospection: Looking back on a past situation.

When I look back on this blog I know most of it is about retrospection and some of it is about storing a memory so I can go back to it when I want to.

Retrospection is not just a pass time for me it is something I enjoy doing. At times it leaves me embarrassed, unhappy or confused and other times it makes me smile to myself or laugh out loud at myself!

All said and done lately retrospection has become an important aspect of my life because the decisions I make, and the things I say and do impact a few other lives entwined with mine in ways more obvious than otherwise. Sometimes no matter what I do or how I do it I’m still wondering if I did the right thing or if I should have done it differently. At times I am fed up with me and my effort to critically examine myself.

But I realized something lately: What separates the good from the great is that the good settle down but the great make a conscious effort to push oneself, to change oneself, and to challenge oneself into something more; And over the years and I mean years, somewhere along the line that someone makes that transition from being good to being great.

And someday I want to be that someone.

To my readers,

As of today, it’s been two years since I started this blog! Never thought we will share such a long journey together. Thank you for all the support and the encouragement. =)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Heres to the journey so far and a new year of blogging!

Acceptance

2007-11-05T09:22:00.000+05:30

It doesn’t matter
What you do or
Where you are from;
What color you are or
What culture you belong to;
What your likes are or
What your dislikes are;
What your habits are or
What qualities you possess;
What opinions you have or
What ideologies you follow;
What you have done in the past or
What you hope to be in the future;
What your darkest secrets are or
What your deepest hopes may be;
All that is you I embrace.
That’s the true meaning of acceptance.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . There is one place I’ve found it; That is in you.

A Life Lesson

2007-10-31T07:44:00.000+05:30

Just because situations are a certain way you should not let that affect you. It's important to be the best 'You' that you can be despite circumstances.

X said those words to me recently and it made so much sense.

I’d rather not go into the background of this situation but it has been something that I have been struggling with for awhile now and something that has caused me a lot of frustration simply because I feel things could be a lot better and I just did not want to settle for mediocre.

X words were said at a very apt time when finally I have given into circumstances and decided to be one of the many but am just not happy.

Infact, I have been trying hard to tell myself the exact same thing in N different ways and it just would not sink in. Hearing it from another voice just made something click somewhere within me.

Know what I mean? I have been frustrated and upset about a bunch of silly things and just having X speak those words into my life actually helped me finally "get over" things!

Am posting it so I’ll never forget. I think it’s one of the best lessons to learn in life.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I am awed at the fact that an apt word at the right time can mean so much. May my words be so too.

Time Out

2007-10-07T11:00:00.000+05:30

I had a simply beautiful day. I went out with my team mates and friends today. We decided to take half the day off and drove across the city to the outskirts. We had a late lunch at a beautiful restaurant set on the coast. It was the perfect place to rest on a hot and sunny day.

We found ourselves a nice little straw hut sort of like a tree house. Around us was a lawn across which ran a little artificial stream with ducks swimming in it.

The food was good and we enjoyed the meal. Between we played a few games with each other and really got talking and laughing. Every moment was so special.

After which we went to the beach and strolled on the sand with the setting sun on one side and the blue sea stretching endlessly on the other.

The best part was we had not planned this day out and I was quite worried if we would really enjoy the day… All of us ended up having more fun that we ever expected!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I guess sometimes we just got to just trust you and take life as it comes… We might find it much more fun than we expect it to be!

Things that can make my day

2007-09-30T23:30:00.000+05:30

All through this month I have been amused by how the smallest of things can make my day. I call them life’s little surprises!

Waking up to the song of birds.
Drawing the curtains to find my room flooded with the suns rays.
Watching the squirrels play on the bark of a tree.
Listening to the sound of water flowing.
Feeling the breeze in my hair.
Watching the sun gently slip beyond the horizon in a red sea.
Looking at the glow around the moon.
Rumbling of thunder at a distance.
Lightening that splits the sky in two.
Getting caught in an unexpected drizzle.
Feeling the strong winds ahead of a storm.
Catching a cloud drifting aimlessly.
Watching dark clouds slowly make their way towards me.
Seeing an eagle swiftly soar.
Hearing an old tune I loved to listen to.
Seeing a shooting star.
Finding a treasure I thought I had lost.
A call from a friend I have not heard from for long.
Receiving a parcel, a gift I did not expect.
Being hugged by a child.
Finding a chocolate in my refrigerator.
Bumping into someone who always made me laugh.
Getting a book I was looking for.
A smile from someone I have admired.
A wet kiss from my pet.
News from close ones in a distant place.
Finding an old photograph in my shelf.
Coming home to my favorite meal.
A beautiful dream.
Reading something that was just so apt for my situation.
Hearing words I wished someone will tell me.
Turning the TV on and finding my favorite show is on.
A beautiful old tree on an otherwise crowded road.
The signals turning green as I reach the crossroads.
A funny hoarding in a traffic jam.
A twinkle of the eye from a friend.
Hearing someone say "Bless you" when I sneeze.
A rainbow.
A stranger who is so obliging to my need.
Someone who turns up just when I need them.
A tree full of flowers.
The sight of migrating birds.
Dew on the blades of green grass.
The smell of sand after a heavy rain.
The quite feeling of knowing God.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . :)

A thought for the month

2007-08-31T11:29:00.000+05:30

I have not spent any time reflecting lately. I just have had no time to think or feel. I am not sure if I am making sense here but it’s been like I am barely living. I have had so much to do at work that all I am thinking of, all I am doing is work. So much so that I have become like a machine….!

At the end of the month I look back and try to recollect a few cherished moments, a few people who I got to spend time with, a few things that made me smile perhaps and you know something…I actually find it hard!

I can’t keep doing this. I promise myself I shall not.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Am lost. Please find me.

The Feeling

2007-07-29T09:04:00.000+05:30

I am not sure if this is true for everyone but I remember a feeling much better and clearer than I remember something I see.

For example, if you ask me do you remember so and so…. If I have never interacted with them then the chances of me saying yes are reduced by about 99% and if I had interacted with them but did not know them that well, chances are slightly better… But I would still recollect some moment with them but not essentially their appearance etc. And if did know them then I still find that the first thing I remember is the way they made me feel around them rather than anything else.

It’s amusing I guess – The way people make me feel or the way I feel around a person means much more than a lot of other things and is also the way I would probably remember them or in turn be remembered.

Hmmm…definitely worth a thought.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . No wonder I love to linger around you.

I’m Scared!

2007-07-26T08:03:00.000+05:30

My little niece who is three has this amusing way of saying “I’m scared!” whenever she faces a new situation, or a new sound or a new person or sometimes a piece of ginger on the table! :)

We laugh at her times saying she is just being silly!

I was surprised to find myself recently saying to myself - “I’m scared!”
The first time I heard myself I chuckled. But soon I realized it was no laughing matter… I am scared!!

At heart I felt just like my little girl. No matter how much I saw of the world it always surprises me. New situations always make me feel like a fish out of water, and new sounds make me jump… a new person is a whole lot more complicated and yeah… sometimes something as small and harmless looking as a piece of ginger on the table can trigger a avalanche within.

Silly is it? I don’t think so… ;)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I’m scared. Help me through this stuff dear God.

Being Honest

2007-07-08T10:01:00.000+05:30

Hypothetical Situation: X opens up and tells Y something that is personal. Y reacts immediately and makes a sweeping statement about X that is critical. X shuts up immediately and something X would have liked to share with Y will never be revealed to Y. X will also think twice before sharing anything with Y again. Y on the other hand probably does not even know about the effect the statement had on X.

Ever been X or Y?

My best friend and I were talking about such a circumstance and she wanted to know how I would react.

Hypothetically I replied saying I may well have been surprised and let my displeasure known before I could have thought it over just as Y did.

We went on to talk about how if only Y would have respected X and what X had to say, patiently listened, agreed if need be and heard X out things could have been drastically different. Y would now have earned the confidence of X and better still X and Y would have together peeled of another one of those masks we hide behind and would have had a chance to really know each other.

As we talked on I could relate X and Y to so many situations in my life and people I have met. It is painful to not be able to share something about yourself with someone you love for fear of being judged and on the contrary it is blissful to be able to share something about yourself and be understood.

I wonder how many times I have been Y and how many times I have missed the chance to know X a little better. I remember the many times I have been X and the hurt that Y caused me. I choose to learn to be open and honest despite the odds cause I guess it’s better to be loved by some*one* for who you are than everybody for what you are not.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I need your help with this… Honest!

An Epic

2007-06-30T11:03:00.000+05:30

A year long epic comes to an end today. I stand here with mixed feelings doing something I love to do - reflecting.

We started this as a small pioneering team. Stepping out into something that promised to be different; I still remember the day I was asked to be part of it. Reluctantly I agreed little knowing what I was taking on.

In the weeks that followed there was so much to do I hardly had any time to think. There were times I wondered if what I did made any difference; Times I wished I could just escape from it all; Times I was just so worried if was all going to work out okay;

I remember standing in church my heart lifted up to the one person who could understand me fully asking for the strength to go on…

But has the time went by we became one big happy extended family. I would call it some of the best days of my life as we learnt to laugh, share, and enjoy ordinary everyday life and take it as it comes.

The happy family however did not last for long. Each one had to move on due to personal reasons to other places and I found myself standing all alone smitten by the desire to walk away too. But deep within I heard that all too familiar voice say “stay”. And stay I did so the epic did not end there. Joined by some fresh new faces the story went on as we wrote it day by day.

Today we stand at the last page. None of the ones who were there when the first page was written are now here with me except one. But as I skip though the pages as I am doing now I find so many characters larger than life, who have helped paint every word on every page. I see my own character so changed and transformed.

I can’t help smiling and sighing as I write “The End”.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . What’s next I wonder. I feel a knot inside me at the thought of moving on but I know I must. Give me the strength to go on…

My Nephew

2007-06-29T04:01:00.000+05:30

For the first time in my life I got to spend a day with a little 5 year old boy, my nephew, who I was meeting for the first time. Most of my interaction by chance has always been with little girls and I love to spend time with them.

But little boys scarred me! I just imagined them to be rough and tough and felt they would probably hate me! Weird, eh?

My nephew proved me wrong.

For no reason at all, and I must say again for no reason at all this little boy took to me. He just fell in love with me the minute I walked into his house. We talked and soon I was his playmate. We played with his cars, ships and building blocks. His favorite game was dinosaurs! We had a whole range of pretend dinosaurs who were being born, eating each other up and being born again… Soon my hair clips where also included in the family of dinos! :)

Gently he hit me, playfully. I smiled at him and he said “I am gentle with you because you are so gentle with me…!” ;)

Holding hands we went to sleep that night. I had to leave early the next morning and could not say good bye so I just left a little note with a chocolate to tell him how much fun I had with him.

He showered me with his affection and made me feel rather special just to be loved for no reason at all. Five year olds…! Wish we could love like them.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . No wonder you said we need to be like a child at heart.

Andrew

2007-06-28T11:30:00.000+05:30

My family and I went out for a holiday last weekend. This post is about a person we met and grew to love and respect in a short time – Andrew.

Andrew is my brother’s cab driver. He picked us up late on Friday night and we made our way to the hotel. Andrew greeted us cheerfully and we planned our next day with him. He was going to take us to tourist place a few hours away for the whole day.

The next day Andrew came early in the morning. He greeted us again with that same cheer. He drove us to a place for breakfast and from then on he drove us over 300 kilometers, stopping by at all the places of interest. He took us around, helped us take pictures, showed us the places and was the best guide we could have got.

What was so amazing about Andrew is that he went above and beyond the call of duty and served us with cheerfulness and warmth. He was a cab driver who did his work with a 110% and took pride in doing it to his best. He did all that he did sacrificially, going the extra mile for us consistently.

We knew at the end of the weekend, Andrew was the reason we had such a good time.

So this is to Andrew, an unsung hero in his own realm and a person who has left lasting footprints in my life.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Teach me to go the extra mile as Andrew did with grace.

Gods Surprises

2007-06-21T10:47:00.000+05:30

This morning my daily reading ended with the following thought: Has God ever surprised you? I smiled and could recollect a number of things that God has done in my life that come as surprises... I closed my book and forgot about it as I began to get ready for work.

My dad has this wonderful was of taking care of my vehicle. He makes sure I have enough petrol and my tires our fine every single day. I never bother about my vehicle because Dad takes care of it all so perfectly.

This week however Dad has been busier than usual. I drove off this morning little realizing that Dad had missed his regular inspection.

A few kilometers from my home my vehicle began to choke and struggle. I looked down at my fuel indicator and it said empty!!! I looked up and I could see a petrol bunk a couple of blocks away. My vehicle grumbled and made it all the way to the bunk. Just at the entrance it finally gave up but rolled smoothly right next to a petrol gauge!

It was amazing. The next bunk is about twelve kilometers away and if I had missed this one I would have been badly stuck on the road.

The words “Had God surprised you?” echoed in my mind. He sure has!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . You are exciting! :)

Keep Dreaming

2007-06-13T11:05:00.000+05:30

What do you do when a dream you dreamed goes wrong or just does not work out?

You dream a bigger dream!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Give me the courage to keep dreaming.

Appreciation

2007-05-26T11:45:00.000+05:30

Appreciation is one of the words I love in the English language simply because it opens one to a world of positive possibilities.

Know what I mean?

Appreciation can be made known in a zillion different ways. A simple nod, a look in the eye, a smile, shaking hands, a hug, by the use of words simple or poetic, gifts …

This morning I expected to be hear the words "Good work". Yeah, I know it’s not good to have such expectations but this I told myself was an exception.

I was disappointed.

It’s a hard confession to make because I always thought I was mature enough to handle such disappointment with a smile!

Anyway by the end of the day I also had to say goodbye to a friend who was moving on. As she bid farewell, her eyes filled with tears while repeatedly talking about a card another friend and I had given her on her birthday. I faintly remember writing a long note on the back and her tears said how much it meant to her. Honestly I never thought it could mean so much.

There is a time and a moment for everything and so also with appreciation. An opportunity once missed it may never come back and once given, there’s no telling how much it could mean.

As I write this I make a silent vow to myself to never miss up such an opportunity. Join me? :)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . .”Good Work”, I hear you whisper in my ear.

I want to reach the sky!

2007-05-21T12:00:00.000+05:30

I spent the afternoon with my niece who’s just turned three.

She sat on my tummy as we lazed on a deck chair and played silly games for hours together laughing and tickling each other. After a while we went for a walk, her little hands held on to mine and once again we played funny games with each other. Suddenly she stopped me and said “I want to reach the sky”. She simply meant she wanted me to throw her up in the air and catch her which i gladly did! : )

My favorite game of the evening was: She would walk a few steps away and come running back and fling herself at me in one big bear hug after which I would pick her up and twirl her around and set her down only to repeat it all over again!

I realized something as I said goodbye to her when it was time for her to go home. With her big eyes, the things she said, the way she smiled and the things she did, she absolutely made sure that I could think of nothing else but her every moment that I spent with her!

Actually felt so good to take my mind off my life and everything about me and be lost in my little niece’s world. Thank you darl. In a way I reached the sky too.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I guess sometimes reaching up to the sky is actually a lot simpler than we imagine it to be. ; )

Musing Aloud

2007-05-20T10:26:00.000+05:30

Why is it that the people we love the most are also the ones we hurt the most?

This thought has been ringing within me for awhile now. I realize I go out into the world each day and try to be the best me I can be. But at the end of the day many a time there’s that pent up frustration, disappointments, or displeasure that I cannot afford to let out through the day. They can be personal failures, or things that perhaps did not work out well or something like that.

I come home and I know this is my safety net. This is the place where I can be the plain me. No dressing up around here. I can afford to loose my calm. I can let them know if I am upset about something. And yes at times I do hurt the ones I love and care for the most, when I do.

But something Mum used to say comes to my mind…”Home is the kind of place where any of us can let out a bit of steam and still be loved not despite of it but for it too!” : )

I guess that’s the most awesome feeling of comfort you get with the people you love most. They love you for all that you are not despite all that you are and so even the hurtful side finds a place to hide in their love.

Like I said just musing aloud…

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I find my hiding place, my resting place in your Love.

Stepping Out

2007-05-13T09:47:00.000+05:30

When you step out,
You make a few enemies,
You make a few friends,
And between you discover your wings.

These lines popped into my head while I was thinking about some experiences. Just felt like sharing them with the world.

To all of you out there: No matter how hard it is, take a chance and step out. Never miss out on the chance to do something different or try something new or just be radical.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . As I take each step, tough as it might seem at times, I pray you guide me.

To Mom

2007-05-06T12:45:00.001+05:30

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

There is no life, no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But then you come, and I am filled with wonder;
Sometimes I think, I glimpse eternity.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up mum... To more than I can be.I love you. Happy Birthday!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Thank you for mum, the most beautiful woman in the world.

Interacting with People of Power

2007-05-01T12:27:00.000+05:30

Today I had a unique opportunity to interact with some people of power.

First, there was X, who I interacted with only through mail. X had taken notice of a mighty small detail and took the time to talk about it and make things easier or better. It left me stunned for two reasons: The fact that a person of power could empathize with me and the fact that a person of power took the time to change things around as insignificant as that might be from X’s position.

Then, there was Y. Interacting with Y was indeed a rare privilege. Y put away pressing meetings, an already overloaded schedule just to make it to this rather trivial appointment. We were discussing a looming possibly difficult event that may soon take place but Y’s perception amazed me. To Y it was simply an opportunity to pioneer something never done before. “Yes we might fail" Y added “but hey! At least we tried.” The other thing that amazed me was that Y was extremely magnanimous. In my mind I felt that the way a few things were done was so unfair but Y chose to overlook it with a smile.

And then there is Z who is also a person in power, I admire a great deal and have the chance to interact with quite frequently. Z is a person whose principles and priorities amaze me since they have stood the test of time and pressure. I have always thought you need to be *someone* to make a difference but Z taught me that you just need to have a simple dream and follow after it one step at a time to make a difference.

I realized that my initial perceptions of power as proclaimed in my previous post may not be all that warranted.

Power mostly leads to one being unduly criticized, grossly misunderstood and most of the time taking chances with things that one is never really sure about. Plus the outcome of one’s decisions may well have many people’s lives at stake and so it’s rather a hot seat to be in.

But Power does gives you the highest privilege of all: To touch and transform lives in ways both great and small in a scale that is not determined by the power at hand but rather by the person whose hand power lies in.

To the people in power, I salute you. To the ones who are not, we still have the privilege to touch and transform lives by the power within.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Bless the people in power.

Power

2007-04-29T04:08:00.000+05:30

The word *power* tends to stir a sense of fear in my heart. It’s not a word I am very comfortable with especially when it concerns me…In the sense that, I’d rather not meddle with *power*.

Power gives one the ability to make decisions for others. It strengthens you to go where no one else dares to go. Power can drive you further than you are supposed to go. It can draw you into unexpected and unwarranted circumstances. Power can bring out the worst in you. It can make the most humble of beings loose perspective. Power can make you tough. It can make you blind to the obvious.

I was lost in such mid morning musings today. I realized that power is dangerous especially when it is given to you when you are not prepared to handle it. But I also realized something else. Power has another side to it - Potential.

The potential to make things better. To change things in a positive way. To make reality possibilities that could only be hoped and dreamed of by some others.

Power is a responsibility that often is entrusted to individuals after much debate. Some squander it, some misuse it, some do nothing with it and still others use it sparingly.

I’ve always wondered if power is something I desire in life. And I often wonder what I would do with it if it was mine.

I leave you with the same questions.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Grant me enough power to match my purposes for each day. Not too much nor too less.

Celebrating A Journey

2007-04-19T11:52:00.000+05:30

It’s been two years as of today, since I began doing what I do.

I never thought I would be doing what I am doing. I had my heart set on a lot of different things and I pursued them for awhile but as things turned out this opportunity came knocking at my door and I kind of tumbled into it with much uncertainty.

Looking back the only words that keep playing over and over in my heart are - Thank you.

So to all of you who have been part of this journey with me in some way:

Thank you for the companionship. Thank you for the laughs. Thank you for the support. Thank you for the listening ear. Thank you for putting up with my eccentricity. Thank you for showing me better. Thank you for the helping hands.

Thank you for teaching me the value of the words ‘it’s okay’. Thank you for pushing me further. Thank you for giving me wings. Thank you for being there when I fell down. Thank you for picking me up and encouraging me to go on.

Thank you for the casual conversations, the earnest advice, the gentle warnings, the patient guidance and the constant motivation.

Thank you for the breaks, the lunches, the treats, the outings, the surprises, the mails, the messages, the calls and the many other little things that will stay in my heart a life time through.

Thank you for *You*.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Thank you for being there every moment of every day at my every beck and call. : )

A walk on the Beach

2007-04-14T10:00:00.000+05:30

I live in a city with one of the longest coastlines in the world and have been fortunate to have always lived pretty close to the beach.

I have taken so many walks on the sea shore but just as the patterns that the clouds form in the sky can never be replicated, the shore line always has a different story to tell.

When there is a high tide the sea is wrestles and the coast is ravaged by the huge strong waves. It’s not a pretty picture and I prefer to stand and watch the sea at a safe distance. But when there is a low tide the sea is calm and friendly and it’s nice to take a walk on the shore.

Today was one of those low tide days and the coast was absolutely beautiful. For some reason the sea shore seemed broader than I have ever seen before. There were corals and shells of different colors and shapes strewn on the wet sand. The wild sea breeze was pleasant in the backdrop of the waves that seemed to be in fact lazing in the setting sun.

Mum and I walked on and on, and my dog followed us quite excited. It’s a walk that ended a rather memorable day with my family, mum & dad, my brother, my grandma and my aunts. : )

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Am speechless, for once.

The Heart, The Head & The Connection

2007-04-06T11:55:00.000+05:30

I was pleasantly surprised by X’s kindness and went out of the way to tell X how much X was appreciated for all X’s efforts. However later I wondered if I had crossed the line and said more than I should have while being appreciative and put X in a rather embarrassing position.

Hmmm… I find myself quite often in fixes like these.

You see my heart just has to tell people how much I like, enjoy, care and appreciate them. My mind however is more sensible and warns me of things that can be said and things that should not be said just incase it leaves me misunderstood or the person concerned in an awkward position to reciprocate the same in some way.

But the connection between the heart and the head is hard to make. And I find myself many a time swinging like a pendulum from one side to the other not knowing which one to listen to. Sometimes there's a sixth sense that tells me what I need to do. Sometimes there's a calm voice instructing me. Sometimes there's nothing at all. And these are times I am most confused.

What can be said and what not are split second decisions and so at the end of the day I find myself going over my day and wondering if I got it wrong or right. This time I must confess the peace in me was disturbed. So I probably did not get it right. I should have listened to the head and not the heart. Still, I can’t go back and do things differently so I just wish I had a better way of knowing.

As I sat pondering along these lines, I decided to just lay it down. I know this experience will help me judge better next time what needs to be said or done and that alone makes it all worthwhile.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . It’s almost the break of dawn and as I still sit pondering over yesterdays spilt milk thank you for giving me a whole new day to start afresh.

World Peace

2007-04-06T10:26:00.000+05:30

I was talking with a friend today who seemed quite distraught. We kept meandering from one topic to another but never actually quite got to what was on X mind. Seeing that X was not too comfortable I asked if there was anything on X mind that I could pray for. After a long pause X replied, yeah. You could pray for dash and everyone’s happiness!

Everyone’s happiness? LOL! That’s plain silly I thought to myself.

X I have known to be a person who is most often building castles in the air trying to find solutions that will make everyone happy and bring World Peace! As ridiculous as that cliché statement sounds a part of me wondered what if there was a possibility that we could indeed make everyone happy.

Out there is probably a young Miss Y who is in a messed up relationship of some kind and to pray for Y’s happiness means to pray that Y has the courage to move on, go through some pretty difficult times that would ultimately make Y happy. Then there’s Master Q who has found these bunch of buddies who seem ultra cool only until he finds a darker side to their seemingly harmless fun. Q now has some drug abuse problems and a lot of other things to deal with. To pray for Q’s happiness would mean to ask for Q to be sent to rehab, go through depressing times and then ultimately be free. Then there is posh Mrs. R who seems to have it all so easy but every night she cries herself to sleep because she does not find the joy she seeks in what she has. To pray for R would mean R would have to open up in pretty radical ways that can be nothing but painful times until she ultimately finds herself content. I could go on…

But the point is I realized that when I pray for someone’s happiness I am not necessarily praying for an immediate alteration in their circumstances that will lead to sudden happiness. Instead I pray into their lives circumstances that in some way ultimately work out for their happiness!

I guess it’s not all that silly after all to pray for everyone’s happiness. Plus when I pray for happiness I better be prepared to be broken, shaped and polished by life’s circumstances.

Still think we need to work towards World Peace?! ; )

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Glad you are out there constantly doing all you can to make sure everyone’s happy!

Don’t say what you don’t mean

2007-03-31T10:52:00.000+05:30

Words have always enthralled me because words have life. And the life that is given to them is breathed by the speaker of these words.

They can make you sing or they can make you sad. They can make you laugh or they can make you cry. They can heal, or they can hurt. They can give you wings to soar or they can chain you to a dark dungeon. They can make bright days seem gloomy or gloomy days seem brighter than the sun. They can charm your heart or cheat your mind. They can beckon you into new heights or can cause you to fall into deep pits.

They have the power of life and death.

I went through a distressing time this week when I had to be stern with a few of the people I interact with on a daily basis. My mind threw up words that would have wounded. Words that were careless and insensitive. Words that I knew were not to be uttered but God knows I was more than willing to utter.

But through it all that small firm voice said to me again and again: Don’t say what you don’t mean.

I had to wait to calm down.

Fast forward: I did not say what I wanted to say and guess what? The problem was resolved in a more gracious way because of the choice of the words and tone that was soft and gentle but conveyed the message.

It was worth the wait and at the end of it all we could all still smile.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . So grateful to you for the grace you bestowed on me. But for you I am nothing.

Overwhelmed

2007-03-22T23:48:00.000+05:30

My life’s been touched by my friends today. Friends who surprised me by going out of the way for me and simply doing everything they possibly could to make this day a day I will never forget all my life.

Etched in my heart is the sounds of their voices and laughter, the sights of flowers, wrappers and treasures hidden within but best of all the love and care that was shared so generously and so spontaneously that I simply felt overwhelmed.

Now at my bed-side I sit writing this post.

I want to voice words that could say thank you but what I feel is much too deep to be conveyed by those simple words. I want to do something special for each of them but I realize that will never be enough either. I want to whisper a special wish on every one their lives and hope the next morning their wish will come true but that may not be possible to do.

So instead I choose to bend my knees and say a silent prayer for each one of those beautiful people who blessed me and made my day breathtaking in every way. Just know it is the best gift I could give.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . : ) [Somehow that’s all I feel like saying. I guess you understand.]

Popularity or Criticism

2007-03-18T09:04:00.000+05:30

I was watching this talk show on TV and a prominent sports person from my country was posed this question: Popularity or Criticism – Which is harder to face?

Well, I’d encourage you to answer that question for yourself before you go on! : )

He tactfully answered it saying that they both have their Pros and Cons and you really cannot tell. Constructive Criticism he said helps but still may not be pleasant and popularity does get into your head but definitely feels more pleasant.

Personally I find criticism, constructive or otherwise difficult to take but I thrive on appreciation. Well, who does not? ; )

Anywayz, the point is I *know* criticism really helps me and am ultimately so grateful to the people who take the time to let me know when I am out of line. Popularity on the other hand, makes me feel like a princess for a day but the bad side is I may wake up the next morning and find it was all a dream!

The difference is one is an instant energizer the other a pill that will help with time. And some of us need more of any one while others need an equal portion of both but none can live without either. My point: I’m going to be happy when I am dished out either coz they complement each other and generally come together.

So getting back to our question, which is harder?
I’m just gonna have to tactfully say that they both have their Pros and Cons and you really cannot tell. ;)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I’m glad that you blend into our lives a perfect mix of things that enable us to grow into your perfection.

The Secret Keeper

2007-03-12T07:58:00.000+05:30

I watched this movie called “Little Secrets” for kids recently that inspired this post:

An aspiring 14-year-old concert violinist named Emily spends her summer practicing for an audition to get into a prestigious Youth Orchestra. She also runs a secret-keeping business, in which other children give her fifty cents to tell her a secret, which she promises to keep; this is a talent that she is very good at. Every afternoon a long queue of little ones wait to share their secrets with her and be counseled at times. What no one knows is that the secret keeper has a tragic secret of her own!

Meanwhile, new neighbors move in next door, including Phillip. During the move, he accidentally breaks a valued chess piece and is caught by Emily as he attempts to bury it in the front garden. Phillip pays Emily fifty cents to keep his deed a secret, and to hide the piece in her treasure trunk along with other broken property from her other clients, in paper bags labeled with their names.

Things take a turn for the worse when Emily who never tells a secret, confides in Philip who urges her to tell him a secret of her own. She soon ends up telling a secret that her friends share and is very depressed about breaking her code.

To comfort her, her Violin tutor tells her a painful secret of her own and helps her understand that you can never be close to the people you love as long as you hide things from them.

As she listens to her, Emily who loves to sit on the rooftop and play her violin tumbles and falls. She is rushed to the hospital and slowly gets better surrounded by family and friends.

Teary eyed, she finally finds the courage to confide in her friends for the first time and tells them about her own deep secret. Her parents were killed by a drunk driver when she was just a few months old and her life was miraculously spared. She was then adopted by her mum and dad.

After Emily is released from the hospital, her life is turned around. She and Phillip return all of the paper bags and money to her clients and encourage them to tell their secrets even if was hard, painful or fearful.

Emily learns not to hide her own secret but is overjoyed to find a strange freedom that comes from both being honest and being loved for who you really are.

Hmmm… it’s a movie that leaves you touched and thoughtful.

As I journeyed with Emily through the ups and downs of her life, I learnt that it’s not easy to share secrets with anyone and sometimes perhaps more so with people close to our heart for fear of rejection. But Freedom, intimacy and love spring from a heart that is not hidden but honest.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I know I am not always honest with you. I wonder what keeps me from being honest. Strengthen me so I will learn to always have an honest heart before you.

An Ode to God

2007-02-28T11:47:00.000+05:30

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . .

My spirit is awakened
My inner being alive
My strength is renewed
My doubts are dispelled

My soul sings out
My heart dances within
My mind is at rest
My thoughts full of hope

My life is turned around
My sins are washed away
My weakness is made beautiful
My pain is made a blessing

In the silence of loneliness
In the darkness of night
In the secret place of meeting
You touch and transform my life each day

How could this be?
I ask myself
How could this be?
But for you, my God.

A thought for the Day

2007-02-15T13:15:00.000+05:30

Recently I received this SMS from a friend that read:

“When I walk alone, I wish to reach the end of the road. But when you walked with me I wish the road never ends.”

Unconsciously I smiled.

To me the ultimate expression of Love would be watching two old folks walking hand in hand in a park - He with his blurred vision and now shaky arms holding her while she radiating a beautiful glow that comes only from age & wisdom chats with him in a low voice.

Love I believe is companionship. It’s about those small insignificant moments of togetherness. It’s about the everyday things that bind people together. It’s about give and take. It’s about being there.

And like the quote says it can make all the difference between the way I walk this road of life.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . So glad you walk with me.

Essential piece

2007-02-10T10:20:00.000+05:30

A few of my colleagues were given a small token of appreciation for their contribution to the organization. The gift was a key chain which had a piece of a jig-saw puzzle dangling from it. It was plated beautifully in a deep metallic blue with a gold trimming and had the words “Essential Piece” engraved on it.

I was reminded of the year end post I wrote.

I had compared a picture puzzle to my life and the zigzaw pieces to the many events in life.

Building along those lines, I realize now that the picture will not be complete but for every single piece - each piece is “The Essential Piece”.

Btw the dictionary definitions for the word Essential are – Vital, Indispensable, crucial, key.

Many a time I feel insignificant. Many a time pieces of my life seem insignificant. But the small token made me re-think. In a way no matter how insignificant I might feel or situations may be, they are essential bits that complete the picture of my life.

Just like in the story of Joseph where every piece was an essential piece which ultimately led to a life which still rings with greater meaning and purpose than he could have ever known.

Essential Piece – the words have just been ringing over and over again in my head all day long altering the way I look at the insignificant.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I know you see me as the essential piece. Makes me re-think the way I live.