Don’t say what you don’t mean

Words have always enthralled me because words have life. And the life that is given to them is breathed by the speaker of these words.

They can make you sing or they can make you sad. They can make you laugh or they can make you cry. They can heal, or they can hurt. They can give you wings to soar or they can chain you to a dark dungeon. They can make bright days seem gloomy or gloomy days seem brighter than the sun. They can charm your heart or cheat your mind. They can beckon you into new heights or can cause you to fall into deep pits.

They have the power of life and death.

I went through a distressing time this week when I had to be stern with a few of the people I interact with on a daily basis. My mind threw up words that would have wounded. Words that were careless and insensitive. Words that I knew were not to be uttered but God knows I was more than willing to utter.

But through it all that small firm voice said to me again and again: Don’t say what you don’t mean.

I had to wait to calm down.

Fast forward: I did not say what I wanted to say and guess what? The problem was resolved in a more gracious way because of the choice of the words and tone that was soft and gentle but conveyed the message.

It was worth the wait and at the end of it all we could all still smile.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . So grateful to you for the grace you bestowed on me. But for you I am nothing.

Overwhelmed

My life’s been touched by my friends today. Friends who surprised me by going out of the way for me and simply doing everything they possibly could to make this day a day I will never forget all my life.

Etched in my heart is the sounds of their voices and laughter, the sights of flowers, wrappers and treasures hidden within but best of all the love and care that was shared so generously and so spontaneously that I simply felt overwhelmed.

Now at my bed-side I sit writing this post.

I want to voice words that could say thank you but what I feel is much too deep to be conveyed by those simple words. I want to do something special for each of them but I realize that will never be enough either. I want to whisper a special wish on every one their lives and hope the next morning their wish will come true but that may not be possible to do.

So instead I choose to bend my knees and say a silent prayer for each one of those beautiful people who blessed me and made my day breathtaking in every way. Just know it is the best gift I could give.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . : ) [Somehow that’s all I feel like saying. I guess you understand.]

Popularity or Criticism

I was watching this talk show on TV and a prominent sports person from my country was posed this question: Popularity or Criticism – Which is harder to face?

Well, I’d encourage you to answer that question for yourself before you go on! : )

He tactfully answered it saying that they both have their Pros and Cons and you really cannot tell. Constructive Criticism he said helps but still may not be pleasant and popularity does get into your head but definitely feels more pleasant.

Personally I find criticism, constructive or otherwise difficult to take but I thrive on appreciation. Well, who does not? ; )

Anywayz, the point is I *know* criticism really helps me and am ultimately so grateful to the people who take the time to let me know when I am out of line. Popularity on the other hand, makes me feel like a princess for a day but the bad side is I may wake up the next morning and find it was all a dream!

The difference is one is an instant energizer the other a pill that will help with time. And some of us need more of any one while others need an equal portion of both but none can live without either. My point: I’m going to be happy when I am dished out either coz they complement each other and generally come together.

So getting back to our question, which is harder?
I’m just gonna have to tactfully say that they both have their Pros and Cons and you really cannot tell. ;)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I’m glad that you blend into our lives a perfect mix of things that enable us to grow into your perfection.

The Secret Keeper

I watched this movie called “Little Secrets” for kids recently that inspired this post:

An aspiring 14-year-old concert violinist named Emily spends her summer practicing for an audition to get into a prestigious Youth Orchestra. She also runs a secret-keeping business, in which other children give her fifty cents to tell her a secret, which she promises to keep; this is a talent that she is very good at. Every afternoon a long queue of little ones wait to share their secrets with her and be counseled at times. What no one knows is that the secret keeper has a tragic secret of her own!

Meanwhile, new neighbors move in next door, including Phillip. During the move, he accidentally breaks a valued chess piece and is caught by Emily as he attempts to bury it in the front garden. Phillip pays Emily fifty cents to keep his deed a secret, and to hide the piece in her treasure trunk along with other broken property from her other clients, in paper bags labeled with their names.

Things take a turn for the worse when Emily who never tells a secret, confides in Philip who urges her to tell him a secret of her own. She soon ends up telling a secret that her friends share and is very depressed about breaking her code.

To comfort her, her Violin tutor tells her a painful secret of her own and helps her understand that you can never be close to the people you love as long as you hide things from them.

As she listens to her, Emily who loves to sit on the rooftop and play her violin tumbles and falls. She is rushed to the hospital and slowly gets better surrounded by family and friends.

Teary eyed, she finally finds the courage to confide in her friends for the first time and tells them about her own deep secret. Her parents were killed by a drunk driver when she was just a few months old and her life was miraculously spared. She was then adopted by her mum and dad.

After Emily is released from the hospital, her life is turned around. She and Phillip return all of the paper bags and money to her clients and encourage them to tell their secrets even if was hard, painful or fearful.

Emily learns not to hide her own secret but is overjoyed to find a strange freedom that comes from both being honest and being loved for who you really are.

Hmmm… it’s a movie that leaves you touched and thoughtful.

As I journeyed with Emily through the ups and downs of her life, I learnt that it’s not easy to share secrets with anyone and sometimes perhaps more so with people close to our heart for fear of rejection. But Freedom, intimacy and love spring from a heart that is not hidden but honest.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I know I am not always honest with you. I wonder what keeps me from being honest. Strengthen me so I will learn to always have an honest heart before you.

An Ode to God

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . .

My spirit is awakened
My inner being alive
My strength is renewed
My doubts are dispelled

My soul sings out
My heart dances within
My mind is at rest
My thoughts full of hope

My life is turned around
My sins are washed away
My weakness is made beautiful
My pain is made a blessing

In the silence of loneliness
In the darkness of night
In the secret place of meeting
You touch and transform my life each day

How could this be?
I ask myself
How could this be?
But for you, my God.

A thought for the Day

Recently I received this SMS from a friend that read:

“When I walk alone, I wish to reach the end of the road. But when you walked with me I wish the road never ends.”

Unconsciously I smiled.

To me the ultimate expression of Love would be watching two old folks walking hand in hand in a park - He with his blurred vision and now shaky arms holding her while she radiating a beautiful glow that comes only from age & wisdom chats with him in a low voice.

Love I believe is companionship. It’s about those small insignificant moments of togetherness. It’s about the everyday things that bind people together. It’s about give and take. It’s about being there.

And like the quote says it can make all the difference between the way I walk this road of life.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . So glad you walk with me.

Essential piece

A few of my colleagues were given a small token of appreciation for their contribution to the organization. The gift was a key chain which had a piece of a jig-saw puzzle dangling from it. It was plated beautifully in a deep metallic blue with a gold trimming and had the words “Essential Piece” engraved on it.

I was reminded of the year end post I wrote.

I had compared a picture puzzle to my life and the zigzaw pieces to the many events in life.

Building along those lines, I realize now that the picture will not be complete but for every single piece - each piece is “The Essential Piece”.

Btw the dictionary definitions for the word Essential are – Vital, Indispensable, crucial, key.

Many a time I feel insignificant. Many a time pieces of my life seem insignificant. But the small token made me re-think. In a way no matter how insignificant I might feel or situations may be, they are essential bits that complete the picture of my life.

Just like in the story of Joseph where every piece was an essential piece which ultimately led to a life which still rings with greater meaning and purpose than he could have ever known.

Essential Piece – the words have just been ringing over and over again in my head all day long altering the way I look at the insignificant.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I know you see me as the essential piece. Makes me re-think the way I live.

Cruising or Racing

On my way home I cross a long and high flyover. I was tired and my tummy was grumbling, it was late in the eve and I was racing home. When I reached the top of the flyover there was a driver before me who was doing just the opposite - Almost as though on a cruise slowly he moved looking around and enjoying the view!

“Stop! Sow down!” I heard a cry within me.

I slowed down too and tried to enjoy the sights and sounds around me as I drove. Not just while driving over the flyover but all the way home. Somehow it did help clear my head, calm my nerves and probably made me more agreeable when I got home.

I was reminded of a scene in Pixar’s movie CARS where Lightning McQueen, a hotshot rookie race car discovers the other side of life so to speak on a cruise with Sally the Porsche who opens up his mind to a world he did not notice simply because he was too wrapped up in himself and his career.

Hmmm…Been there!?

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . “Stop! Slow down!” Guess I could use a few of those signs boards along the road of life.

Something’s eating me!

Ever felt like that?

I just know it. And I can feel it. It’s inside me. It’s eating up a big chunk of my joy, my peace, my mind. I’m trying hard to put my finger on it but I can’t. It’s just illusive.

Well let me try to break it up.

I’ve been doing a lot of new things these last two weeks. Most of which I have never done before. New things unnerve me for starters and leave me a little wobbly on the inside. That could be part of it.

And then most of it makes me vulnerable to people. I have been doing it all with the best of intentions and to the best I know how but it has left me fearful of being judged and fearful of the possibility that I might be doing the wrong thing.

Then there is also this etc bit. The little this and that….I have not had the time to think over and it still lies within me waiting for my attention.

And though I hear that soft firm voice guide me I still find it hard at times. I know only one place where all of this can be put to rest. It’s talking to mister god.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . so here I am. Help me see with your eyes.

My Dreams

I’ve reached a point in life when reality has hit me head on and all my childish fancies look silly in my own eyes. I’ve stopped dreaming for awhile.

But one of the most common New Year wish I’ve got in the begining of this year is “May your dreams come true!”

Hmmm....It’s got me thinking about my dreams.

I’ve decided I’m going to begin this year dreaming. Dreaming Big. So here goes…

Author a Bestseller

Release an album that makes it to the Grammy’s

Live in a land with a different culture for a little while

Star gaze till I’ve found all the constellations visible to the naked eye

Support at least 12 children in their educational aspirations

Skate on ice

Be part of a youth magazine that touches and transform young lives around my country

Dance to the waltz

Adopt a child

Support a few missionary families

Make a dream come true for a person I know

Master the guitar

Own a grand Piano, and be a piano tutor

Support a social venture in my hometown

Take my mum and dad on a holiday to a foreign land

Learn sign language

Here my songs sung on a local FM channel

Work with abused kids

Own a column in a local newspaper

Surprise one person every week

Watch the aurora in the artic

Work in a public service department

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . nay… Dreaming! I know you are listening. : )

Pieces of the Puzzle

My brother bought me a 1000 piece puzzle for Christmas. It’s about 22X28 inches and a replica of a painting by Jeff Wilkie. The picture covers a sandy shore and a beautiful blue sea. There are mountains on one side and on the horizon the sun is setting or perhaps rising in an orange yellow haze. A sea gull flies over the ocean and a magnificent white horse stands on the shore with his dark brown mane flying in the air.

I’ve spread out the pieces on my table and it’s been slowly, very slowly coming together. This eve we put together the final pieces of the sky, and the rocks almost completing the horizon of the picture. When all of us go at it together we complete quite a bit and share a lot of laughs in the process.

I’ve been looking at the picture coming together with much joy and pride and also feel a sort of restlessness in wanting to put it all together as fast as I can so I can see for reality what it would look like.

As I sit here typing my year end post and I look at this year or the years that have gone by, it’s exactly like looking at my puzzle.

My creator must have used a lot of thought while painting my life’s picture with so many different colours and shapes and elements. And as I walk each day a piece of that picture comes together. Working on the bright skies of my puzzle was fun but the wild sea is tough and sometimes hopeless. And so also the circumstances in my life may differ. But as long as I keep working or walking patiently, one piece at a time or one day at a time, something beautiful is coming together. And those around me are integral in helping put this picture together.

Thank you for a beautiful Year.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I don’t see the entire picture but I am happy where I am and I know You will not rest till You put all the pieces together! :)

Pocket Money!

It’s been quite awhile since I have received pocket money from my dad coz unfortunately I am too old for it now. : (

Still Dad surprised me by giving me some for no particular reason. This was special. I kept it in my purse for a while not knowing what exactly to do with it.

I’ve wanted this music book for awhile now. It did not cost much but somehow to buy it I felt I would be *splurging* on myself.

Now with this gift I decided I could buy it and finally got it for myself much to my delight. : )

No matter how much I earn I cannot compare it to the joy that little sum of money brought me. Weird isn’t it?

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . guess that’s why something *free* is always more precious than that which is *earned* … like your love.

Soul Massage

Friday Evening: Sadly I can’t say TGIF. I’ve got to get to work tomorrow. *sigh*. I really want a break.

Saturday Morning: I drag myself out of the house. What I think is going to take me the whole day I get done in two hours. I meet up with some friends for an hour of prayer. A dear friend of mine and I then decide to go out and do a little Christmas shopping and grab a bite to eat. I enjoy every moment together.

Saturday Afternoon: Have a fun time in a small get together with some friends and also got a neat gift. A little porcelain girl, wearing a pink dress and a straw hat, holding a yellow water pail having a smiling face engraved on it with a brown dog at her feet his nose turned up and looking into her face. : )

Saturday Night: I’m walking/running on the beach with my dog. The breeze on my face is so strong that it feels like I’m flying. I dig my toes into the loose sand on the shore. My dog and I play wildly for awhile till its time to go.

Saturday Night: I’m writing this post my heart refreshed, my mind relaxed and my soul massaged. A lot can change in a day!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . You sure have your own simple way of surprising and restoring me! Thank you. : )

Wishes do come true!

I have made better acquaintances with a colleague of mine over this year. Last year round this time we had just exchanged a few formal mails. However round the end of the year on a rather informal note we had exchanged a rather unusual New Year wish that was such like:

Me:
Cheers! To many more smiles in the New Year!

Friend:
Wish u the same...Have a bright year ahead...!

Little did we know then that we would actually get to *know* each other any better. But due to some changes we ended up working together. I have discovered X to be a fun loving person, who I have indeed shared a lot of smiles with over this year! : )

Btw…Since December is the month of celebration, I’ve decided to actually think and wish from my heart coz you know what – wishes do come true!

Friend, I don't know if you would get to read this but I hope you would. Thank you. You sure have helped fill this year with smiles.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . You take even my little wishes quite seriously, don't ya?