The three boxes

My friend and I were having a conversation today that I really enjoyed. X has had a lot of changes over the last couple of months and is just settling down… making new friends, and learning how things work in the place X is in etc. One of the first hardest battles X is facing is knowing when to be yourself and when to tone down and be something your not just so that X does not stand out.

Know what I mean?

We all live in three boxes. Let’s call one True Colors, the second Others Voices and the third Projected Colors. One is our very own thinking box. Two is when we know our thinking box would not do so try to think through “everyone else’s” perspective. And three is who we are to the outside world.

The further one and three go the more uncomfortable we get. The closer one and three are the happier we tend to be with ourselves. But all this depends on box two. My friends question was box two cannot be ignored and may often help you be wise but sometimes can simply confuse you. So when do you listen to box two and when do you not?

Hmmm… Not a simple question. And I did not have the answer. All I could say was I knew that X was not the same person I knew and to be completely honest I missed the real X. Truth is X’s real self was not widely appreciated and I could understand the ups and downs that X was going through but given a choice I would fight to help X be all that box one demands X to be without a second thought.

All said and done, Do I live by box one afterall?

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I’m sure your busy fighting for the same too in many lives including mine!

An Unexpected Response

I lost my cool yesterday and I was so upset about that. Thankfully I did not use words that I was not supposed to use but I still said things in a tone that I was not suppose to use.

I had a rather brilliant day which was dampened by this unexpected explosion of mine. The calm voice within me tried to tell me its okay but I just was not okay with me. I knew the situation could have been handled by motivating but I handled it by reprimanding. I felt it was too early to reprimand.

Today however I had decided to pep talk the people involved and make things better. I was sure that the damage had been done though and could see no way in which things could be better.

Why do I call this post - an unexpected response?

Well because of the three people involved one came up to me and said ‘Since yesterday you have become my role model!’

There is no conclusion to this post. Just a thought – The very action that I felt made me fall from being a role model actually made me one!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . It’s not a parallel but reminds me of your principles – give to receive, loose to win, serve to lead, die to live.

Humbled

Am humbled by people who I once closed the doors of my heart and mind to and have later fond that they have earned my admiration, respect and love despite my blinkered perception of them

Am humbled by people who choose to remain passionate about their dreams in life despite their circumstances while I have let life take a toll on mine

Am humbled by people whose vast experiences astound me and make me realize that I’ve still tasted just a morsel of life

Am humbled by people whose knowledge of a subject is so profound that next to them I feel so small

Am humbled by people who have stood the test of time and still stand strong and tall while I murmur about the slightest discomfort

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Perhaps the best position to be in is to be humbled.

Just Enough

Isn’t it great when you have just enough…

Time to talk to that one person who needed your time
Money to pay that bill you did not expect
Space to jam one more person into your car
Food to serve an extra guest
Joy within you to make another person laugh
Experiences to be of help to some one else
Patience to keep that relationship working
& so on….

Well I had a just enough experience today that filled my heart with gladness!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Thank you for just enough - down to the last dime!

Hmmm…

There are something’s that must be never uttered to anyone.

There are something’s that must be whispered from ear to ear.

There are something’s that must be spoken in quiet tones.

There are something’s that must be said on a one to one basis.

There are something’s that must be shouted so all can hear.

If you know which to do when you have learnt an aspect of being gracious; and if you don’t others and you may get hurt.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Having said that, I guess the motive behind the course of action I take matters more! Hmmm…

Retrospection

Been awhile since we did a word study so here goes…

Retrospection: Looking back on a past situation.

When I look back on this blog I know most of it is about retrospection and some of it is about storing a memory so I can go back to it when I want to.

Retrospection is not just a pass time for me it is something I enjoy doing. At times it leaves me embarrassed, unhappy or confused and other times it makes me smile to myself or laugh out loud at myself!

All said and done lately retrospection has become an important aspect of my life because the decisions I make, and the things I say and do impact a few other lives entwined with mine in ways more obvious than otherwise. Sometimes no matter what I do or how I do it I’m still wondering if I did the right thing or if I should have done it differently. At times I am fed up with me and my effort to critically examine myself.

But I realized something lately: What separates the good from the great is that the good settle down but the great make a conscious effort to push oneself, to change oneself, and to challenge oneself into something more; And over the years and I mean years, somewhere along the line that someone makes that transition from being good to being great.

And someday I want to be that someone.

To my readers,

As of today, it’s been two years since I started this blog! Never thought we will share such a long journey together. Thank you for all the support and the encouragement. =)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Heres to the journey so far and a new year of blogging!

Acceptance

It doesn’t matter
What you do or
Where you are from;
What color you are or
What culture you belong to;
What your likes are or
What your dislikes are;
What your habits are or
What qualities you possess;
What opinions you have or
What ideologies you follow;
What you have done in the past or
What you hope to be in the future;
What your darkest secrets are or
What your deepest hopes may be;
All that is you I embrace.
That’s the true meaning of acceptance.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . There is one place I’ve found it; That is in you.

A Life Lesson

Just because situations are a certain way you should not let that affect you. It's important to be the best 'You' that you can be despite circumstances.

X said those words to me recently and it made so much sense.

I’d rather not go into the background of this situation but it has been something that I have been struggling with for awhile now and something that has caused me a lot of frustration simply because I feel things could be a lot better and I just did not want to settle for mediocre.

X words were said at a very apt time when finally I have given into circumstances and decided to be one of the many but am just not happy.

Infact, I have been trying hard to tell myself the exact same thing in N different ways and it just would not sink in. Hearing it from another voice just made something click somewhere within me.

Know what I mean? I have been frustrated and upset about a bunch of silly things and just having X speak those words into my life actually helped me finally "get over" things!

Am posting it so I’ll never forget. I think it’s one of the best lessons to learn in life.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I am awed at the fact that an apt word at the right time can mean so much. May my words be so too.

Time Out

I had a simply beautiful day. I went out with my team mates and friends today. We decided to take half the day off and drove across the city to the outskirts. We had a late lunch at a beautiful restaurant set on the coast. It was the perfect place to rest on a hot and sunny day.

We found ourselves a nice little straw hut sort of like a tree house. Around us was a lawn across which ran a little artificial stream with ducks swimming in it.

The food was good and we enjoyed the meal. Between we played a few games with each other and really got talking and laughing. Every moment was so special.

After which we went to the beach and strolled on the sand with the setting sun on one side and the blue sea stretching endlessly on the other.

The best part was we had not planned this day out and I was quite worried if we would really enjoy the day… All of us ended up having more fun that we ever expected!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I guess sometimes we just got to just trust you and take life as it comes… We might find it much more fun than we expect it to be!

Things that can make my day

All through this month I have been amused by how the smallest of things can make my day. I call them life’s little surprises!

Waking up to the song of birds.
Drawing the curtains to find my room flooded with the suns rays.
Watching the squirrels play on the bark of a tree.
Listening to the sound of water flowing.
Feeling the breeze in my hair.
Watching the sun gently slip beyond the horizon in a red sea.
Looking at the glow around the moon.
Rumbling of thunder at a distance.
Lightening that splits the sky in two.
Getting caught in an unexpected drizzle.
Feeling the strong winds ahead of a storm.
Catching a cloud drifting aimlessly.
Watching dark clouds slowly make their way towards me.
Seeing an eagle swiftly soar.
Hearing an old tune I loved to listen to.
Seeing a shooting star.
Finding a treasure I thought I had lost.
A call from a friend I have not heard from for long.
Receiving a parcel, a gift I did not expect.
Being hugged by a child.
Finding a chocolate in my refrigerator.
Bumping into someone who always made me laugh.
Getting a book I was looking for.
A smile from someone I have admired.
A wet kiss from my pet.
News from close ones in a distant place.
Finding an old photograph in my shelf.
Coming home to my favorite meal.
A beautiful dream.
Reading something that was just so apt for my situation.
Hearing words I wished someone will tell me.
Turning the TV on and finding my favorite show is on.
A beautiful old tree on an otherwise crowded road.
The signals turning green as I reach the crossroads.
A funny hoarding in a traffic jam.
A twinkle of the eye from a friend.
Hearing someone say "Bless you" when I sneeze.
A rainbow.
A stranger who is so obliging to my need.
Someone who turns up just when I need them.
A tree full of flowers.
The sight of migrating birds.
Dew on the blades of green grass.
The smell of sand after a heavy rain.
The quite feeling of knowing God.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . :)

A thought for the month

I have not spent any time reflecting lately. I just have had no time to think or feel. I am not sure if I am making sense here but it’s been like I am barely living. I have had so much to do at work that all I am thinking of, all I am doing is work. So much so that I have become like a machine….!

At the end of the month I look back and try to recollect a few cherished moments, a few people who I got to spend time with, a few things that made me smile perhaps and you know something…I actually find it hard!

I can’t keep doing this. I promise myself I shall not.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Am lost. Please find me.

The Feeling

I am not sure if this is true for everyone but I remember a feeling much better and clearer than I remember something I see.

For example, if you ask me do you remember so and so…. If I have never interacted with them then the chances of me saying yes are reduced by about 99% and if I had interacted with them but did not know them that well, chances are slightly better… But I would still recollect some moment with them but not essentially their appearance etc. And if did know them then I still find that the first thing I remember is the way they made me feel around them rather than anything else.

It’s amusing I guess – The way people make me feel or the way I feel around a person means much more than a lot of other things and is also the way I would probably remember them or in turn be remembered.

Hmmm…definitely worth a thought.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . No wonder I love to linger around you.

I’m Scared!

My little niece who is three has this amusing way of saying “I’m scared!” whenever she faces a new situation, or a new sound or a new person or sometimes a piece of ginger on the table! :)

We laugh at her times saying she is just being silly!

I was surprised to find myself recently saying to myself - “I’m scared!”
The first time I heard myself I chuckled. But soon I realized it was no laughing matter… I am scared!!

At heart I felt just like my little girl. No matter how much I saw of the world it always surprises me. New situations always make me feel like a fish out of water, and new sounds make me jump… a new person is a whole lot more complicated and yeah… sometimes something as small and harmless looking as a piece of ginger on the table can trigger a avalanche within.

Silly is it? I don’t think so… ;)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I’m scared. Help me through this stuff dear God.

Being Honest

Hypothetical Situation: X opens up and tells Y something that is personal. Y reacts immediately and makes a sweeping statement about X that is critical. X shuts up immediately and something X would have liked to share with Y will never be revealed to Y. X will also think twice before sharing anything with Y again. Y on the other hand probably does not even know about the effect the statement had on X.

Ever been X or Y?

My best friend and I were talking about such a circumstance and she wanted to know how I would react.

Hypothetically I replied saying I may well have been surprised and let my displeasure known before I could have thought it over just as Y did.

We went on to talk about how if only Y would have respected X and what X had to say, patiently listened, agreed if need be and heard X out things could have been drastically different. Y would now have earned the confidence of X and better still X and Y would have together peeled of another one of those masks we hide behind and would have had a chance to really know each other.

As we talked on I could relate X and Y to so many situations in my life and people I have met. It is painful to not be able to share something about yourself with someone you love for fear of being judged and on the contrary it is blissful to be able to share something about yourself and be understood.

I wonder how many times I have been Y and how many times I have missed the chance to know X a little better. I remember the many times I have been X and the hurt that Y caused me. I choose to learn to be open and honest despite the odds cause I guess it’s better to be loved by some*one* for who you are than everybody for what you are not.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I need your help with this… Honest!