Trust

Trust is something thats very unique in nature. Hard to earn and easy to loose is one of the most cliche statements we must have heard. I think of Trust has Faith in a person based on your knowledge of who they are and what they stand for.

Trust I beleive is built from truthfullness. A few happenings have led me to question my trust. All i expected was honesty and the truth and not being told that hurt. But then I guess in the aftermath I am wondering if I was always told the truth - would I be able to handle/accept it?

Maybe thats one reason why its hard to expect trustworthiness from others let alone to be trustworthy.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina . . . Its tough to earn trust and tougher still not to have someone trustworthy. Enable me to be trustworthy.

House of Thoughts

This post may not apply to all but I am hoping a few out there could connect with me.

There are some of us who come across as thoughtful. Our thoughts are deep and we often find ourselves lost in them. We may be a little too introspective and self critical. We replay everything we say and do through the day in our head especially when things dint go well and try to find what we could have done better. We find it hard to let go of the things we failed to do right and try to have an idealistic relationship with everyone we know.

To me, such a person, this is probably one of the most important statements a friend can ever say - Don't let your thoughts live your life.

Here is how i understand that - We live in a house made of thoughts. And there are two ways we can build our house. One, like a bird we can make a nest where our thoughts are a strong foundation, a place to rest and prepare for the next day. When morning comes we take flight in search of new experiences. Two, like a frog we can make our thoughts a strong wall around us and live within the confines of it like the story of the frog in the well.

Thoughts are a part of who we are but like all things need to be balanced. When we let our thoughts take over our life we end up like a frog imprisoned in the wall of our thoughts. A better use of our thoughts would be to build us up for new experiences everyday by motivating ourselves to spread our wings like a bird, taking one day at a time and not worrying about the little things.

A bird or a frog? Perhaps I need to ask myself that question everyday.

This blog was inspired by a dear friend - Thank you!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking. . . Help me soar like an eagle!

You & We

Recently I said "They" in context to another part of my team on a different shore but meant it quite strongly as in "They did that not us!". I was gently reminded by this person I respect to say "We". Just repeating the sentence with a "We" instead of "They" turned the whole thing into such a positive statement.

Ironically the same day I received this mail with a "You" instead of "We" and it made me quite mad! I read it over again with a "We" instead and it magically transformed the mail into nothing much to be upset about.

It is a small word but certainly makes a whole lot of difference to what your saying and how you mean it. I have this friend who always had the ability to say *We*. Even if it was a task that I was supposed to do, X will always say "We" can do it! And it just made you feel like a team and no matter how tough the task the "We" factor made it light to the mind.

Tonight as I was chatting with my mom she was telling me of a cousin who made it more easier for his mom, battling sickness by always saying "We" as in We can beat this together!"

It's a small word but can make a big difference to the way we think, feel and act in a situation!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . May my I's and You's be overshadowed by We's.

Memorable Line from the Movie

Jenny Curran: Do you ever dream, Forrest, about who you're gonna be?
Forrest Gump: Who I'm gonna be?
Jenny Curran: Yeah.
Forrest Gump: Aren't-aren't I going to be me?

Wow!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . To be me - Thats my purpose after all.

The Key to Happiness

This must be one of the most debated topics in the world. And its probably true that one size does not fit all. In the sense that each of us will need to find out what the key to our happiness is.

I have spent many long evenings starring at the stars wondering what would make me happy. I know that nothing excites me more than knowing that I am capable of and many times do make a difference in the lives around me.

Having said that this post is more about a general rule of thumb for happiness. Most of my posts are inspired by conversations with those around me and so is this one.

X asked me, did you really enjoy it? We were talking about the year I spent in another country. My spontaneous reply was, I went there without any expectations and so every smallest kind act or word felt like a surprise gift. And everyday I would find myself receiving such gifts big and small from different places and people that it kept me happy most of the time!

Ah! Said X, Having no expectations is the key to happiness.

I haven't quite thought of it that way, but its true. In an unfamiliar country with new friends its easier to have no expectations and thereby be pleasantly surprised over every good thing but back home I guess take-it-for-granted rules over no-expectations.

So is no expectations a general key to happiness? Definitely worth a thought!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking. . . May I always have the humility to remember every kindness is a gift.

Let Go

In a meeting today someone said these words - "Learn to let Go."

It made me think of the many times when if I even make a silly mistake, I let my little head choose to slip n slide over split milk rather than forging forward with my next attempt!

Its a simple statement to make but I only wish we all had the capabilities to do that.... it would simplify our lives *so* much - We could accept people just the way they are, put up with a lot of stuff that annoys us in general, make mature decisions, move forward faster.... In fact I am sure if we as a person or a group or a city or a nation decide to let go of things that need to be let go and focus on things that need attention we could achieve incredible heights. And I mean incredible!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . grant me the serenity to let go of the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference!

Good Intensions

I find it hard to know if my good intentions translated into good actions are always good! You know what I mean? I just feel I have to affirm, appreciate or share my admiration of the people in my life with them most of the time. Sometimes I just worry I may not get another chance to let them know how much whatever they did or said meant to me and so I just have to tell them right then and there how wonderful they have been to me! And if I missed to do that, probably in another conversation I would try to thank them somehow rather than just let it pass. I find it hard to stop myself from doing that but at times I wonder if its the right thing to do after all. Hmmmm...

Was talking to a friend about that and in a minute X put that in perspective - Its your intentions that matter; Nothing else!

I guess i was getting a little caught up on how others perceive me or trying to judge if I could be misunderstood or just not sure if appreciation is something I can freely give.

Conclusion? Its how God's made me and am happy about that. People will just have to put up with it I guess! =)

Btw was just listening to this song while writing this blog and its a good one - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ujenRXDu2Ik&feature=related

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I'm free to be me ;)

Mom

You dreamed about what I would be like,
Carefully picked a name for me,
Called to me when I could not even see you;
You sang to me when I cried,
Held me when I was afraid,
Lovingly taught me every syllable a million times;
Made sure I had all my meals everyday,
Showed me the world through your eyes,
Watched over me day and night relentlessly;
Walked with me as I grew up,
Loved me with every changing tide,
Prayed with me every morning without fail;
Today I stand strong and tall,
With big dreams and an unquenchable faith,
Hoping I could give you back some of that love you gave me.

Happy Mother's Day Mom!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Thank You for Mom & Dad.

I Just Remember How I Felt

A couple of us at work were talking about something, when one friend said to another..."She once said something negative about me, but she said it in a way that made me feel good - I don't remember what she said, i just remember how I felt and I felt good and actually made me want to think about what I did"

The words "I just remember how I felt" stays in my mind - Its true! The way people make me feel stays in my heart much longer than anything else.

Lets see... when i talk to some i feel "good" maybe its because they make me laugh, maybe its because they make me see myself in a different light or inspire me to be a better person, maybe its because they are compassionate, maybe its because they are positive.... its these people i like to hang around. Then there are some who make me feel "not so good" and maybe its because I don't know them well or because I feel judged when I am around them.

It made me think again about how I make the people who i meet and talk to everyday feel - The ones at home, work and my friends circle... Given the fact that the way people feel around us is dictated a lot by general mood, tone, choice of words and expressions. In our busy lives it's so easy to forget that how people around us feel is influenced by us.

Having said that, I'd like to make people around me feel warm...In my definition that would include being a person who listens to what they have to say, remembers to respect them, admires them for their uniqueness, being kinder than necessary at all times and telling them the truth gently even when its hard. Hmmm... But that sounds like a complex set of expectations. Doesn't it? Maybe all it really takes is *being there* to share a laugh or tear or just a good conversation. People feel good when other people make the time to "be there" for them!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Sometimes all my role in life seems to be just "being there". And its not always easy but give me the grace to do just that.

I'm proud of you

One of Dad's often repeated words to me are - "I'm so proud of you". In fact no matter how i felt hearing him say that always brought a smile to my face and assured me that I must be doing something right. Life at times throws daunting situations or periods when nothing much makes sense and times we doubt our own capabilities... Hearing Dad's constant voice reassuring me that he is simply proud of me has helped me cope with dull days, lifted my spirit so many times and just made me feel like everything is okay after all.

I'm so proud to have a dad who loves me just the way i am and thinks the world of me. Just had to share that! :)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . .Did I just hear you say "I'm proud of you too"! :)

A Loving Mess

Oh well, here i go again - revisiting my favourite passage in the Bible -

Love is patient; Love is kind; Love does not envy and is not boastful; Love is not proud or rude; Love is not self-seeking;Love is not easily angered, irritable or resentful;Love keeps no record of wrongs;Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth; Love always protects; Love always trusts; Love always hopes; Love always preserves; Love never fails."

I Corinthians 13:4-8

I think if you were to summarize the entire Bible in one word it would be 'Love' and the ability to love in the way mentioned in the passage above comes from God.

I have been reflecting on my relationships with my family, my relatives, my friends and realized something... Relationships can be messy, not always easy and sometimes crazy. (That even rhymes like the words are in agreement with what i am saying! )

With family I know them just too well and tend to take them for granted, with relatives its hard to judge when I am being loving and when I am intruding, with friends its always tough to know when I am crossing the lines and besides that we all have our own quirks. I use this passage to guide me when I am confused and at times its just hard because emotions run high and worldly wisdom gives a different guideline.

Reading it again for the first time I saw the flip side to it. I realized that when I am in a loving relationship in some ways its guaranteed to be a mess... there are times I am going to run out of patience and need to remind myself to be patient, times I will be cruel and need to remember to be kind, times I will envy or be boastful, times I may be rude or self seeking, times I could be irritable and resentful, times i record every mistake committed, times i will even delight in whats not right, times i may attack rather than protect or doubt rather than trust or despair instead of hope, destroy instead of preserve and even fail to be loving at all! (Ouch!)

And despite all of that my family, my relatives & my friends make a choice to be in a loving relationship with me and continue to try to love me as in the passage above and likewise so I try. Now isn't that amazing? :)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Your Love is amazing!

Life’s Like That

There is a Jewish proverb: “A father wants to teach his son about trust. He asks him to stand on a step and jump. And the father catches him. He asks him to climb a step higher and jump. The father catches him. He asks him to climb higher and jump and the father catches him. He asks him to climb higher still and the father steps back and lets him fall. The boy picks up himself crying and bleeding…”

That’s the opening line to the movie “Then She Found Me”. The movie is about April, a Jewish lady who deals with life and the surprises/shocks it throws her way…ultimately she must rely on her deep-rooted faith to deal with the betrayals she has suffered not only at the hands of those she trusted but by the God she worships as well.

The movie ends with the conclusion to the proverb: “…when the boy was caught by his father his heart was filled with love and when he fell he learnt about Life.”

The movie takes you through the ups and downs of Aprils life and through it all she discovers to trust not just when things go right but also in bitterly disappointing times. I could relate to the movie and at first the proverb made me feel like saying ‘whaaaaaat??’ after all which father wants to let a child fall but by the end of the movie I could understand better. Life is like that – we fall, we hurt, we love, we ache, we reach out, we shun, we help, we heal, we fight, we forgive, we anger, we betray, we fail, we disappoint, we hope, we try. And though we seek the times when we jump and are caught, it’s also the times when we are allowed to fall and pick ourselves up again that enable us to live our life.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I never understood why you would let me fall and hurt when I take a leap of faith. But through the times when I am held by your hand and filled with love and the times I hurt so badly in disappointment I have learned to Trust and Leap again.

The change of Seasons

Winters cold fingers seem to be slipping away and the air is so much warmer & the evening brighter.

Last Evening I sat on a park bench (Its been a awhile since I could do that) and browsed through some of my old notes enjoying the wind, sound, and smells. Slowly darkness fell and the full moon peered through the trees looking spectacular.

Today I went out for a long walk and it was just wonderful to feel the fresh air on my face, hear the sound of kids playing, see the trees rustle with joy announcing that warmer days are coming. I wished I could take a deep breath and just hold it all in!

I remember at the start of winter when darkness covered us all in the early evening I wondered how I would get through the months ahead. Having lived close to the equator all my life this was my first winter! Turned out that Winter had its own delights to offer.

My heart flys high in celebration of the winter gone by and the expereinces it brought into my life and in anticipation of Spring to come! :)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . No thoughts to write, just a gleeful joy within that I want to share and I know you rejoice!

Shopping

For as long as I can remember my Mom and me have always enjoyed going out shopping together. Be it for vegetables, groceries, or clothes & accessories or just window shopping. We would take our bags gleefully say goodbye to my Dad and spend hours together shopping and the time always seemed to fly by!

We used to visit a crammed market place every week for fresh vegetables and I loved carrying the bags for her and smiling at the folks we had to come know with time. I enjoyed watching her browse through products she would meticulously analyze before buying when we go grocery shopping.

Clothes shopping was fun! We would always look for pretty things at affordable prizes, try them on and make absolutely sure we wanted to get them. Mum always encouraged me to be adventurous and try new colours and fits because I could be stale at times. Most of the time the staff in the shop would look at us so curiously because she would be more than happy to get me more than I want and I would argue and literally fight that I dint really need it. Well ultimately she would win and convince me to get it and I would be glad I did. The perfect way to end shopping trips was with a fashion show for my dad who was the privileged audience cum judge who got to approve all we bought. :)

Time has taken me thousands of miles from home and shopping has now become a routine trip I do by myself most of the time. Its different but I have learnt to enjoy that too.

This weekend however she happened to call me when I was in the Mall shopping for some gifts for family and friends. We got to walk through the stores virtually together. I was talking with her about the things I was seeing and we talked about it and decided who we could get it for…. In the evening we got on video chat and I decided to do a parade all the things I got!

It was fun and it brought back memories of our shopping trips together. It was one of those simple mum & daughter things that I’ll always cherish.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Teach me to always make time for the simple things in life that help us to build bonds and appreciate relationships.