The Feeling

I am not sure if this is true for everyone but I remember a feeling much better and clearer than I remember something I see.

For example, if you ask me do you remember so and so…. If I have never interacted with them then the chances of me saying yes are reduced by about 99% and if I had interacted with them but did not know them that well, chances are slightly better… But I would still recollect some moment with them but not essentially their appearance etc. And if did know them then I still find that the first thing I remember is the way they made me feel around them rather than anything else.

It’s amusing I guess – The way people make me feel or the way I feel around a person means much more than a lot of other things and is also the way I would probably remember them or in turn be remembered.

Hmmm…definitely worth a thought.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . No wonder I love to linger around you.

I’m Scared!

My little niece who is three has this amusing way of saying “I’m scared!” whenever she faces a new situation, or a new sound or a new person or sometimes a piece of ginger on the table! :)

We laugh at her times saying she is just being silly!

I was surprised to find myself recently saying to myself - “I’m scared!”
The first time I heard myself I chuckled. But soon I realized it was no laughing matter… I am scared!!

At heart I felt just like my little girl. No matter how much I saw of the world it always surprises me. New situations always make me feel like a fish out of water, and new sounds make me jump… a new person is a whole lot more complicated and yeah… sometimes something as small and harmless looking as a piece of ginger on the table can trigger a avalanche within.

Silly is it? I don’t think so… ;)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I’m scared. Help me through this stuff dear God.

Being Honest

Hypothetical Situation: X opens up and tells Y something that is personal. Y reacts immediately and makes a sweeping statement about X that is critical. X shuts up immediately and something X would have liked to share with Y will never be revealed to Y. X will also think twice before sharing anything with Y again. Y on the other hand probably does not even know about the effect the statement had on X.

Ever been X or Y?

My best friend and I were talking about such a circumstance and she wanted to know how I would react.

Hypothetically I replied saying I may well have been surprised and let my displeasure known before I could have thought it over just as Y did.

We went on to talk about how if only Y would have respected X and what X had to say, patiently listened, agreed if need be and heard X out things could have been drastically different. Y would now have earned the confidence of X and better still X and Y would have together peeled of another one of those masks we hide behind and would have had a chance to really know each other.

As we talked on I could relate X and Y to so many situations in my life and people I have met. It is painful to not be able to share something about yourself with someone you love for fear of being judged and on the contrary it is blissful to be able to share something about yourself and be understood.

I wonder how many times I have been Y and how many times I have missed the chance to know X a little better. I remember the many times I have been X and the hurt that Y caused me. I choose to learn to be open and honest despite the odds cause I guess it’s better to be loved by some*one* for who you are than everybody for what you are not.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I need your help with this… Honest!