Laughter

Its been an eventful couple of weeks with my brother back home. Its a few years since we have all been under one roof, at the same time and that adds to the joy.

We have shared so many laughs together over the last couple of weeks along with a a few fights and arguments which all add up to make a family complete. :) He leaves today and I know we are going to miss his humour, big laugh, teasing smile and funny faces.

Laughter I think is the shortest distance between hearts. It has a way of making the world feel like a more cosy place and helps open up our hearts and minds. Well, for those of you who have the gift of humour, use it well and for those who don't perhaps that's one ability worth trying to acquire! :)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina... May the season abound with laughter, joy, peace and love!

Freedom of Choice

I read a statement today about free will. I don't remember it perfectly but the essence of it was that God does not make decisions for us. He enables us make the right ones but at the end of the day the decision is still always ours.

Cliche perhaps. It made me wonder though if in my quest to find God's will for my life if I sometimes forget the freedom of choice that he has given me. It's so much easier to put the responsibility of the decision on God (in case it was a bad one) than take it up and work on it like we should. I have been relating this to a few different circumstances in my life and they all click... I delay a decision waiting for signs and then when they come I think that everything must go as planned and when they don't I give up without even trying.

Like, say finding mister right. God brings about the situations and circumstances that could help me meet who He feels would be a right kind of person for me but the decision to love, the decision to marry is always mine. God can put the right people for His will to be accomplished in our lives but he always lets me decide for myself what I want.

Extrapolating that to other areas of my life, like my future, my dreams and my plans I wonder if a passive acceptance has taken over my life instead of an active participation with God in unveiling my life.

I think I am on to something that needs to change within me and that's worth recording.

Dear Mister God this is @ina... Free me from the laziness of acceptance to embrace the spontaneousness of living my choices.

Stepping Out

Today perhaps was the most anticipated day of this year for me. The day I told my current employer "I choose to move on".

The first thought that comes to my head, let alone everyone else is what's next? Honestly its a bit of a step of faith. I know I had to take this decision and I could not postpone it any longer waiting for the next door to open. I felt it was the right time to say what I said.

I have looked back at the last few years and well am going to save all I have to say for another post. This one is just for me to remember why I did what I had to do.

One, I have one life to live and I have to try on a few different hats instead of sticking to the one that I have now which am quite sure fits me well and even gets me applause every once in a while. Two, Life is about taking chances with resources like money, time and people. None of which are easy but am sure worth taking. Three, I could never hope to have a support system better than the one I have now - an encouraging mom, a trusting dad, a quirky yet loving brother, friends who say don't be afraid to travel the road less travelled and a God who understands it all.

So here I am - towards the end of a decade of my life that has been perhaps the most challenging yet rewarding, proud of who I am, still a little clueless about what I want to be yet not afraid to dream and embrace a future that's not clear.

Dear Mister God this is @ina...Well, whats the fun if it was?!

Holiday Living History

We had planned a family vacation to the capital. A place known for monuments that are centuries old, palaces and forts. It was a joy and a pride to witness the beauty of our ancient past and the rich heritage that is ours. We had a packed three day schedule with places to see, a few shopping areas to visit and some local restaurants we wanted to try.

Everyday was special in its own way. The palaces of the Rajputs, brought alive a glorious past that I have only read about. Looking out from the fort that curves so naturally with the mountainous terrain was so amazing. The visit to the Taj Mahal one of the man made wonders of the world was simply spectacular - The sense of space and dimensions can never be captured on television or in print. On the last day we drove from the the gate of India which stood magnificently on one end to the Presidential palace at the other end and past the Parliment building. The thought of the many kings and queens, presidents and officials who would have passed through that very same path was exciting and humbling. I felt proud to belong to my country.

Manoj a local cab driver took care of us in all our long travels all through our holiday. He was one of those simple people who touch your life and make it all the more enjoyable without even knowing it. Watching my dad interact with him and the way we all spent such a brief time together but found so much in common made me think of the beauty of humanity - We all have our role to play and when we do it with joy and compassion the world is a better place to live in for us all.

Back in the south far from the sights and joys of the last few days I sit here looking back and I can only feel thankful for all the times we shared. I think if I were to leave the world at the drop of a hat I would leave happy not because I have made a million or touched a million lives but because I have a family around me who make me feel like I am worth much more than that.

Dear Mister God this is @ina...Blessed I am. I bless your name!

ITs a Male Dominated World

I have worked for over 5 years in the IT field. My career was not planned, It just happened. I have enjoyed my work mostly and always strived to change as a person and bring the best in me and those around me. I must admit that the people aspect of my job excites me a lot more than the technical aspect.

Not many women stay on in the same company and I am one of the few who has stayed and grown. I have grown faster than expected and found myself often the lone women among many men - be it in official meetings, discussions, forums, dinners or coffee.

Its not an easy job being the lone woman and there have always been men who have supported, inspired and encouraged me to be my best at all times and then there are those who would make every effort to thwart my confidence.

I have had tough days but through it all I have learnt lessons for life I believe on being humble, gracious, accepting, courageous, discreet, assertive and many more. Lately however I have been feeling tired. Tired of playing my role in an IT environment where acceptance comes with conditions, encouragement with expectations, recognition with implications and friendships are not always free.

I started this year with a vow to change a few things about my life and ambitiously went about it. I may not have accomplished a lot but I did knock some interesting doors with potential. I stand here now wondering if it is time I shut the door on where I am at so I can see more clearly when a new door opens...

Dear Mister God this is @ina . . . You know where I am at, You see what I am meant to be - Please take me where I ought to be.

Turning a Blind Eye

When something about a person is not exactly up to my liking one of my easiest ways to let it pass was to turn a blind eye. I personally don’t find it hard to turn a blind eye to something that am not essentially happy about or that is not up to my liking.

Recently though I have been thinking this is not the best way to react especially when a person I love is concerned. For example, say a friend I really like loves eating/talking about Sushi. And I just turn a blind eye, so everything she says about Sushi just goes over my head. Soon she would realize I could not care less about her love for Sushi and she will not talk to me about it anymore. I would lose out on knowing a piece of her that is an important part of her and perhaps I may not love her for all that she IS.

Well Sushi is not a great example but based on experience I have decided it is important for me to value and love a person completely for all their likes, dislikes, habits, thoughts, friends, family, fears, hopes and dreams and only then could I truly expect a person to be transparent with me and share with me all that matters to them.

I guess when it comes to a child this is all the more difficult cause you really need to pay attention or you can miss little signs quite easily. It can be daunting to keep track of things that bother them, upset them but it’s important to make them we feel we value all those thoughts and feelings so they know we listen, we share and we love then completely.

Well, on a side note I have found myself shut out things/sides of me from people I care about simply because I know it’s not something that interests them. And am learning at times I need to edge myself to keep talking and being transparent even if it’s not something they care about since our relationship matters to me.

Dear Mister God this is @ina... I don’t think you turn a blind eye to any part of me but take me as I am. Help me to do the same.

Comfort of Counting on Someone

I know a few people in life who I could go to with a need without thinking twice. It could be something very simple or it could be something that required them to stretch a little, or go out of the way for me but I know I can go to them and everything will be okay.

Then there are a few I know I can count on but not always. People I go to when I must and not when I want.

The first kind have an incredible grace about them. They make it so easy for me to approach them and give me the feeling of comfort and confidence that I have someone I can count on. They make it seem so easy to do things for other people without a second thought or any questions.

I wonder how I make people feel? My mind tells me its not possible to be someone who everyone can count on, but I am convinced its not so much about what you 'do' but how you 'are' that gives a person the comfort to come to you and that's something that challenges me.

Dear Mister God this is @ina... Give me the grace to consciously work towards being someone who is dependable.

Sharing My Story

Lately I have been interested in asking people their story. I have found there is so much to learn and share in knowing a persons story and it is important to share your own. I believe every life story is written with the purpose of being a blessing to others and so in sharing our story we help shape each other.

Well here is mine, I am trying to be as crisp as I possible can - My journey of finding purpose in life started a long time ago when I was just a child. I always felt God within me and was convinced on the need to live a life pleasing to God. From a very young age i would work very hard at being a good person because i felt that is the way to please God. I spent the first decade or more of my life trying so hard to be perfect. I have diaries recording all my actions. LOL! I spared no energy or effort to become perfect!

It was from there that God gently picked me up and began showing me slowly that all my so called Goodness was worth nothing. That he loved me no matter what and that what I do, did not matter as much as knowing He loved me. Grace was something I fought against for awhile and it was not easy accepting God loved me just the way I am. The first milestone in my journey was knowing God loves me wholly.

I spoke to God all the time but was always slightly doubtful if I was talking to myself and was very concerned. So one day, I sat in a corner of the house and said to God "I need to Know TODAY if it is really you speaking to me or someone else...I heard Him say "Here am I". I laughed hard to myself. I told myself God cannot say Here am I!! Convinced that the voice I was talking to was not His I laughed loud and took my Bible to read and decided like normal people, God should speak to me through the Bible. Here is what I read - Isaiah 65:1 (NIV) (“I revealed myself to those who did not ask for me; I was found by those who did not seek me. To a nation that did not call on my name, I said, ‘Here am I, here am I.") I fell on my knees and was overjoyed to know my God was not just a loving God but a God who constantly speaks to me and lives in me.

From then began a new journey of falling in love with God... Slowly as he became part of everything I did, I discovered a friend, a shepherd, an exciting God, a funny God, a smart God, a God who was interested in the minute details of my life and revealed himself to me. I just fell day after day over and over in love with Him. We talked non-stop somedays and somedays I did forget to include him but would run back into his arms. I had to depend on him so completely to please Him as I realized I am incapable of any good without him.

Like every love story there came some trials and hard times that made me doubt if all I had come to know of God was true. For a period of time I walked away from my dearest friend and tried to only lean on Him when I need him instead of enjoying every bit of life with Him but he has been slowly drawing me back to Him.

So after spending a decade or more trying to be perfect and please god and failing miserably, I spent the last decade or more learning God can fill everything in my everyday transforming me if I only let Him!

Dear Mister God this is @ina... Looking forward to the next decade (or more) of dwelling with you.

A Day to Remember

A decade ago was the first time I was ever close to loosing a loved one. It was my grandfather. He was the kind of grandfather that everyone would love to have. A knowledgeable, patient, loving person who could always make me laugh with his stories and jokes. I loved him for who he was and could have endless hours of fun when am by his side talking. He was selfless in his love and I think that was because he had God inside of him. His last few months where difficult has Parkinson's took away his motor capabilities.

We knew he was soon to pass and be with God but I dreaded the moment. To me he was one of the most beautiful people I know and I wanted him to watch me grow older and make him proud. The day finally came and I was shocked. But strangely I could not feel sadness, but instead felt joy. As we drove to his home I could sense him all around me and so much of joy in him. I could see him play tennis like he loved to, I could hear him say he was free and able to do all he wanted to do and could not do for years, I could feel him slowly bid me farewell and say he would be waiting for me on the other side.

When I walked into the home and saw his body in the coffin to me the reality was he was not there. He was happy, smiling, looking at us and glad that we had come together to bid him farewell. I did not cry that day, in fact I only cried when I missed him and not because he died. I remember the day in some ways as one of the most beautiful days in my life since the joy I sensed in him overshadowed my worries and fears for myself in loosing him.

His life personified love and on his grave we inscribed 'Love never Ends' because the truth is it does not.

Today, 10 years later and 1 day earlier my grandmother went to be with the Lord. She is a person of prayer whose prayers have touched and changed our lives and many others. The power of her life was not just in shaping this generation but I believe her prayers will remain like incense before God and answers will keep coming and changing things in his time. My mom called to tell me and and as I sit here sobbing thinking of the best of times I am again reminded of the beauty of death in Christ. We had the best of times with her and yes, we will miss her terribly, everyday. But knowing she is in a better place and grandpa finally has company makes me want to smile.

Dear Mister God this is @ina... Thank you for teaching me Love never ends, in You.

Everyday Angels

The last few months have been a lot of fun for me. I had moved in with a few friends I barely knew at that time and we have grown into a merry family. When a bunch of girls get together there are two possibilities - you either have the best of times or well the worst of times! :)

Well, I had the best of times - We loved talking, teasing, cooking, shopping, watching movies or just lazing around doing nothing!

'M' the tiniest (literally) in the house has a strong character and a confident smile that makes her not only charming but also the one we all loved to tease. 'J' on the other hand is a bubbly person who is always caring, always sharing and always ready for a good laugh. 'I' the smallest is actually a mature young lady yet her sparkling eyes and the child in her makes her absolutely adorable and B our last and final addition to the family is our responsible, dependable, honest and helpful one who goes the extra mile for all of us.

These everyday angels have done and said so many things, big and small, to make my life so easy, full of fun and simply unforgettable. Its time for me to move on and I just want to engrave on this page a note to always remind me of their love and care.

Dear Mister God this is @ina... I wish i could do something wonderful for them but I know the best thing I can do is pray and so I ask dear God that your love surround them and that they learn to bask in your deep love.

Pressure and Patience

Pressure can come in many ways at work - sometimes its deadlines, or deliverables; sometimes its dealing with a messy project; sometimes its about working with people where someone can be difficult or just unreasonable; sometimes its when the customer is difficult to please; sometimes its just a combination of factors that can throw you off gear!

Pressure can make me panic - Loud voices, unhappy people make me nervous. I like to be peace loving and try to do all I can to make people work in harmony and when that is not happening I panic!

Well God had the placed me in the perfect place to learn a few things about handling pressure. Over the last few weeks I have been working in a circumstance that challenges the most mature of leadership skills and yet I have on my team a young lady who constantly amazes me.

She is honest, confident, clear headed and most of all patient. She deals with pressure calmly, reassuringly and with a solution oriented approach. Ensuring she makes everyone feel they are understood while battling the immediate pressing problem and working towards a calm resolution.

Gosh! I am so grateful to have walked through this path though i must admit its given me a number of sleepless nights! I may have not mastered all but looking back I definitely feel more confident now to handle pressure.

Dear Mister God this is @ina... Thank you for walking with me through this path and helping me grow in ways only you can teach me! :)

Our New Home

My friend and I moved into a new House today. It was in a great location with a beautiful view from the rooms and the living space. It was perfect in every way. Cosy, quiet, warm and just gave us a feeling of home!

We did all our basic shopping to move in, took some cake and a drink and moved some of our things. It was exciting as we unpacked and talked no end about how wonderful our new home is.

As we set up our house my silent prayer was that this place we now call our home would be a place of much joy, laughter, sharing and caring.

I must admit the move was exciting but what made it most joyous was the friend who I was moving with who I had come to like very much. Doing things together just felt so good and I could not help but see my dear Lord's hand in just about everything.

Dear Mister God this is @ina... May this new house become a beautiful home filled with your goodness.

On Relationships

From a recent conversation with a friend:

The best thing about relationships are,
Relationships make you a better person,
Nobody wants to be a better person,
And its easier to opt not to be in a relationship,
And not be a better person.

I just know thats worth recording! :)

Dear mister God this is @ina... No wonder you created us for relationships! :)

Lost in the Hills

I spent three weeks of this month with a wonderful family and an amazing friend. Though our time together was short I will always cherish the memories. The house I stayed in was a 15 minute walk from the hills where you get lost trekking - The air was fresh, the grass green, the sun shining and just the perfect amount of wind to keep me happy! I loved it!

The family I stayed with had two little girls who were so loving. Kids are really the ones from whom we ought to learn to love from. Their instant acceptance, hugs and joys meant so much to me. And then there was my friend, N. She and I instantly became friends and shared so many cares and joys through the time we spent together. I would never forget this day when we learnt our jobs were at stake and there were so many impending personal decisions because of that - we just took a walk together and laughed so much!

Dear Mister God this is @ina... Thank you for beautiful people who come in all shapes and sizes and touch our lives.

Simple Things

When was the last time you sipped a cup of tea and let the smell refresh you, the flavour tingle on your tongue, the warmth seap down you throat ... Oh well that may all sound a little over exagerated but honestly when was the last time you really enjoyed a cup of tea?

My mother has been observing this simple family who lives in a hut nearby working on a construction of a huge house. They seem to enjoy a simple thing like a cup of coffee so much!

And as we watch them cherish every small luxury (more like every simple pleasure) with such joy it reminds us how much we take for granted in each day.

Dear Mister God this is @ina... May I always enjoy the simplest of pleasures.

In the Middle

Have you ever noticed that in life we seldom seem to be in the middle? The week before last I had absolutely nothing to do and worked barely 8 hours and then this last week has been so hectic i have hardly been able to breathe. When work is idle I complained to myself about reaching a plateau and when work is hectic i feel like a crazy person with no time for myself. Either way I find myself complaining to God about the way things are. Is there no middle God? i asked aloud.

"Well, my daughter he whispered its up to you to stay in the middle regardless of the way life should treat you!" I sighed. Its true, I hold the keys to living a balanced life yet I always seem to be juggling so many balls that I miss the middle.

(Secret: This is where I had saved this post more than a month ago because I dint feel I had learnt what i needed to finish it! I decided to attempt to complete it today...)

So lately, I have been learning a thing or two about balance and most of these lessons have been inspired by this person at work that God has brought into my life who is the exact opposite of me! I am a workaholic while he is a restaholic (if there can be one), i can be hyper while he is layed back, i can be edgy while he is cool.... am sure you get the picture! When asked to work together I had my apprehensions.

But you know what? This relationship has taught me so much about balance. We just need each others qualities in moderation and we could make sure we both have a more balanced work life! Well, i wish we could trade and barter qualities but its not so easy and I have had to work on becoming more easy going while hoping I teach him to be more responsible and now we work together as a simply great team though we did get off to a bit of a rough start. Now thats what I call God's surpirses! :)

Dear Mister God this is @ina . . . Got to love you for the lessons you teach me so gently and faithfully!

Life

My dad and mom were dropping me at the airport at about 3.00 AM in the morning. I got into the car and said, do you both really have to come to drop me so early in the morning? Dad had a simple answer, "What is life da, but being together as long as we can".

To him, those 30 minutes of being together in the car on the way to the airport where special. To him, every moment of being together as a family counts and life is about making the most of those moments.

Dad's words kept ringing in my heart. I think thats a beautiful way of defining life.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina . . . May we always have the joy of togetherness.

Love should make it Possible

I sat on the beach having a hearty chat with this friend of mine. We talked about work, about the challenges we faced each day, about our weaknesses and our desire to be better people... The conversation was centered around God and how with Him in our lives everything is so different.

She brought out an interesting point - If we love God, she said it must be so easy to do the right things because our motivation would be love. Yet we seem to keep failing. People do the right thing when driven by the fear of consequences than for love!

Isn't that so true? Love should make it possible for us to be gentle, kind, gracious, non-judgemental, accepting, forgiving... and all those nice things! We would probably practice all these qualities at work where peoples opinions matter but not with the people we love.

Why? we asked ourselves. I have been thinking about it, and it seems to me that the reason could be that Love is not easy - Love involves giving ourselves freely to another. Love demands us to put our focus on another instead of ourselves. Love insists that we forgive even when we know we will be hurt again... It draws me to the conclusion that Love is only possible with God. And the more we know God the more we can Love.

Btw - This is my 200th post! :) Thank you to those of you who read and keep me writing!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina . . . Your love makes me sing!

Guilty as Charged

Hmmm.... I messed up. I made a mistake. This is not the first time I messed up. I have made the same mistake before and yet always found reasons to justify myself. Even now my mind can think of a hundred reasons why I did what I did but my heart knows that I was wrong. I let the battle rage in my mind, defending my actions and refusing to accept the simple fact that I was guilty! At the end of it all it was time to Surrender. I had to accept that I did not want to do what I did. I had to make up for the mistake that hurt a friend. I had to say I was sorry. I had to think of the *real* reason I did what I did. I had to get to the root of my problem and ask God to help me deal with it.

Peace is mine again and this post is a gentle reminder to me, to keep my promise to be gracious in speech.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina . . . Guilty as charged I come to you humbly and ask for forgiveness and the grace to change.

Positive Whispers

I have always found that I find the greatest joy when I can quietly make a difference in a person's life. It may be one conversation, a word of encouragement or a discussion that resulted in some positive outcome. I consciously made an effort this week to find means and ways in which I could be positive and its funny but when you put your head to it there really is so much that can be done!

I found myself actually striking up various conversations, trying to be helpful when I felt tired, listen when my mind was full of thoughts of my own and the result was cool! I had made the time to whisper positive things to more than two lives and could see tangible differences in them. Exciting Stuff, Try it! :)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina . . . You designed us to love and there is nothing more exciting than being your instrument in all situations.

Just Cannot Out-give

This season I have learnt some lessons on giving from the most humble of folks. A beautiful new house is being built next to us and we have a family of construction labourers who are temporarily living in a small hut near us to complete the work. The family has two small children a girl and a boy barely 2 and 1 year old.

The kids have the brightest most beautiful eyes and smile and we play with them when we get a chance. Mum has taken an interest in the family and helps them every now and then with practical things they need. She loves to give the kids small gifts like toys, balloons, ribbons, shoes or little snacks to eat.

However they surprise us by giving us a portion of their lintels or vegetables they buy, and even gave us some money on the local harvest day saying it was tradition. They give with love and we just cannot say No.

Whatever we give and do is out of our plentiful. What they give, they give out of their nothing. I am constantly challenged to see them give so generously when they have nothing and yet do it so happily while I am content giving out of the surplus. And through the months of this relationship, I have learnt we just cannot out-give this poor family

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking... May my heart be always willing to give even when I have nothing to give.