A Roller Coaster Ride

On the last evening of the last day of this year I got to go on a virtual roller coaster ride with a friend! Let me narrate...

Hoping to be on time for an evening show of a rather cute animated movie we rushed to the theater and found we were just a little too late. Disappointed? Hmmm... Not really. It was a last minute plan and we tried so that was all that was important. Walking out we saw this ride on an amusing thing that looked like a shell and we decided to give it a try. Now I did not see what the ride was about or what the shell does except that it was called a virtual roller coaster.

So we get the tickets and stand in line and my heart starts ticking louder than it has ever before. The shell does every kind of turn you can imagine. It goes up, down, upside down..... Ugh! I always told myself I wanted to ride a real roller coaster. Honestly even the big ones did not look too scary (on TV!) but standing next in line to the virtual coaster I found myself backing out one small step at a time.

Motivated by my friend five minutes later I find myself sitting in it. We are zipped up in the seat much like a baby is in a car seat and the shell closes. The big screen in front of us starts playing some music and within minutes we are on the roller coaster for a virtual ride... Yep, it twisted and turned and while my friend laughed I screamed!

Got to admit though it was fun! :) And it literally seems like the perfect way to end this year for me.

Life this year has been much like this virtual roller coaster. There were times I found myself sign up for events without actually knowing what I was up for, Friends who stood by me and helped me be brave, Twists and turns I did not anticipate but enabled me to see different sides of life, ups and downs that have humbled my heart and highs and lows that have made my soul strong. At the end of the ride I thought to myself that was definitely worth it and looking back at 2008 I feel just the same way.

My year end post for 2007 was a wish for an extraordinary year and this has definitely been an extraordinary year in every way - I have been surrounded by people who are not my family but have shown me so much of love and care, I have seen my mental barriers break down so I can appreciate differences in people and experiences a lot more, I have found my heart face loneliness and companionship and learn to take them both with serenity, I have found my spirit grow more care free while my eyes have matured, I have found that Faith holds on to you when you have nothing to hold on to and most of all grown in my ability to Love.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Thank you for this extraordinary year and the extraordinary people who you have put into my life.

Independence

That’s a word that’s been on my mind a lot. I have tried to motivate myself to be independent because by nature I tend to be dependent.

However it just struck me suddenly that the word independence actually had dependence within it & In-Dependence is almost the opposite of independence as we define it!!

As per thesaurus the synonyms of the word independent are Self-governing, Self-determining, Self regulating or free. Makes me think can anyone ever be truly independent?

Accept it or not our choices, our thoughts, our ways and our plans impact those around us and they contribute to it. If to be independent is to reach a point where we choose to think that nothing we say or do impacts others is I think a little foolish, yet in some ways is where we seem to be heading with all this emphasis on “Self”.

Over the past months I have had to depend on many kind souls and have at times wished I dint do that since I feel so indebted to them and yet have no way to repay their kindness. All I could do is perhaps pass it on when the time is right.

In dependence I have found the joys of sharing and letting others touch my life. In dependence I have grown to appreciate even the smallest of good gestures. In dependence I have learnt that it’s okay to be disappointed and have found myself many a time pleasantly surprised. In dependence I have grown to know, love and respect people more than I have done before. And In dependence I have learnt that I can never truly be independent and I do not need to strive to be either.

Sigh! Isn’t that’s a relief?

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . :)

The Humble Onion

I wonder how an onion grows. I assume the bulb first appears and then slowly there are layers formed over it. One after the other these layers appear and the outer ones are thicker than those within. Over time the onion bulb is fully grown and has many layers to it. Whenever I cut an onion I am amused by the many layers it has. I am pleased to uncover the layers and reach the bulb.

As I grow older I am finding more layers in my life. The bulb which was once all that the world could see seems to be hidden away now. Each layer seems to be thicker and increases the distance from the bulb.

Can I call these layers a mask? Can I call them protocols? Or are they rituals? Can I think of them as tradition? Or are they just human nature?

I may not have a name for the layers but I have been thinking about them in the quietness of my soul. Each layer seems to make me a little more complicated and makes it harder for me to see the truth. But then again it’s what nature calls survival. A bulb can’t possibly survive without those protective layers around it.

Do I have a point to this narration? While the layers are required to survive, I don’t think an onion has been put to use without being peeled and cut. It looks beautiful just the way it is but to be of value you got to get to the bulb.

Dear Mister God this is @ina talking… I want my life to make a difference and the layers cannot come in the way.

In the Woods

I spent a weekend in the woods in a getaway cabin with some friends and their families. The sound of the woods at night is a one time experience.

Let me attempt to explain:
Felt like an orchestra was playing with musicians never hear of before yet professional in every way. The instruments they used have never been seen before yet were totally melodious. There is a hoot there, a chirp here, a whistle elsewhere, a rattling closer by while in the background there is a gentle wind cheering the musicians on in their unique song. The sky could not resist joining in and broke out with an occasional thunderous roar and a continuous pitter-patter.

I rocked myself on a wooden chair listening to them in stillness. Like I said the sound of the woods at night is a one time experience.

Dear Mister God this is @ina talking… It does not take professional or great instruments to make music. Does it? I guess the sweetest song is one that comes from our soul.

Being Bold

Let’s do a little a word study:

Bold: Webster defines bold as “Not hesitating or fearful in the face of actual or possible danger or rebuff; courageous and daring”

Bravery is not the absence of fear but defying fear. And I believe in the face of possible danger it is innate in us to be brave despite fear.

But I have been exploring another dimension of braveness. Being brave in the dark night of the soul, in the quietness of loneliness, in the absence of love, in the face of being let down, in the hope of something that never comes, in the tears of life and in the battles of everyday emotions.

Unlike bravery in the traditional sense this sort of bravery is something that none of us can escape from and truly tests the will and strength of the human spirit.

It’s an interesting thought because I always defined my own courage in terms of one off situations in my life. But come to think of it it’s not an innate one off episode that qualifies us as bold but rather strength of mind and spirit developed over the years in everyday life.

Dear Mister God this is @ina talking… Am getting there! =)

Reality: Need: Expectation

X was talking to us today about an interesting aspect of life. To everything in life there is a reality in a situation, a need associated with that situation and finally an expectation on the situation.

For example reality is I must eat food to live; Need would be I must eat good and healthy food to live. Expectation could be I must eat pizza and pasta to live! ; )

Generally X approximates the Need to be three times the Reality and the Expectation to be six times the Need and nine times the Reality!

Practically speaking if I can survive in a three hundred square feet house I look for a thousand two hundred square feet house; And when I have a thousand two hundred square feet house (my current reality) I look for a ten thousand eight hundred square feet house and when I have a ten thousand eight hundred square feet house I look for a ninety seven thousand two hundred square feet house and when I ….!!

See where I am heading? The more you have the more you perceive you need and the more you expect in life.

How do you balance it all? That’s the challenge.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Keep me mindful of the reality, watchful of my need and humble in my expectation.

Nameless Friends

This evening I had to go to this shop a short walk away from my house to get a few prescription drugs for my mom. I don’t frequent the shop but I remember the first time I went there. There was this pleasant middle aged gentleman and we smiled and greeted each other. When I was done I looked him in the eye, smiled and tried to say a warm thank you as well as I could.

Since then I’ve been there a few times and it’s always a pleasant 3 to 5 minutes of interaction. This evening he was not in the shop but there was a pleasant girl. Once I was done I turned around and found him walking towards the store. He warmly smiled, said hello and inquired if I had got all I needed.

His courteousness put a broad smile on my face and reminded me of the umpteen nameless friends I have. The watchmen I see everyday on my way to work, the lady staff who help keep the place clean, the person who politely held the door for me till I walked past, the young girls who help me fill my vehicle with petrol, the helpers at the counter on the grocery shop close by, the girl who sat next to me on the public bus today, and so many more.

Some have been one time acquaintances and some are once in awhile acquaintances. What held my attention was the fact that all these interactions in some ways have helped us enrich each others life and was the cause for me to be having a BROAD smile on my face!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I say a little prayer for all my nameless friends and may I be a named and nameless friend to many more.

LOL

I have found that at it takes to cheer up a moody heart, a confused mind, or an anxious soul is a *real* loud laugh!

Am so grateful for the people in my life who make me laugh –

My mum who can say just what I am thinking simply looking into my face and make me laugh like a child, Dad’s daddy ways that I can’t help but laughing at, my brother whose uncanny conversations keep me laughing even long after I am done talking to him, the friends who I have not talked to in a while and call to catch up, the person who sits near me at work and takes the time to chat and laugh with me through the course of my day, friends who enjoy teasing me especially the funny friend who tries to mimic me and makes me laugh till my sides ache, my girl friends who share silly laughs with me, a distant friend who faithfully sends me funny forwards, my niece whose little girl talk is so entertaining, the latest addition to my family a six month old who is so amazing and cute that every minute with her I’m laughing … that’s to name a few!

This other day for example over lunch we started to talk about cricket. Much to our amusement this friend of mine had no clue about cricket. “I only watched the world cup” she says, “I don’t get it, I see an LBW and the score does not go up!”

LOL! Of course mischievous me did not stop there but went on to ask her about what a 4 or 6 or a hat trick could be …!!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Can’t help but think you LOL with me.

Guiding & Spoiling

Let’s do a word study…

Guide: To assist to travel through, or reach a destination in, an unfamiliar area, as by accompanying or giving directions to the person; to force to move in a certain path; to supply with advice or counsel, as in practical or spiritual affairs; to supervise in an advisory capacity. Synonyms: direct; show; steer; lead; conduct; channel; point; pilot.

Spoil: To damage severely or harm (something), esp. with reference to its excellence, value, usefulness, etc. to diminish or impair the quality of; affect detrimentally; to impair, damage, or harm the character or nature of (someone) by unwise treatment, excessive indulgence, etc. Synonyms: ruin; mess up; blemish; destroy; indulge; pamper; pander to.

I few words from a leader I respect led me into this word study on guiding and spoiling. You see, I always *thought* I knew the difference and that I would not confuse the two.

But today I realized that sometimes there is a fine line between the two though they mean such entirely different things and I can easily confuse the two for *short term gain* over *long term growth*.

I enjoy being a mentor and helping people I work with grow to their full potential. I realize however as I work with them on a daily basis I need to be watchful that I am guiding and not spoiling!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I guess that helps explain why your ways are so much different from our own.

Do something New Everyday

I was in a pep talk today with a few young people who joined us at my work place. “Do something New Everyday!” X encouraged them.

The words have been echoing in my head. This year I have been trying to maintain a journal at work as well. I have a hand made bookmark on it that says the same words and reminds me to consciously try things I have never done before!

It’s amusing how many new things you can find to do once you start looking!

To all my readers, Do make the effort to do something New Everyday!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Life is exciting!

Finding that Someone

There comes a point and time in life when all of us, whoever or wherever we may be pause and think about that someone special who we would like to share the rest of our lives with.

Some create a list of likes and don’t likes and try to fit the person into a mould. Some have an imaginary portrait in their heads and chose not to settle for anything different. Some create a wish list and patiently hope every one of it will come together in that one person. Some on the other hand don’t hope but just settle for their lot in life for in hoping they fear disappointment. Some are clueless in their quest and chase the wind.

Funny thing is - I can see a little bit of myself in every one of those descriptions! Deep down however I hope that when I finally meet that someone I will *know* and that someone will be perfect just the way he is and the quest will come to an end not because the person fits my mould, or my imaginary portrait, my wish list or what I feared to hope for but because in his own way he will complete me.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Ah! Guess that’s how you planned it all along!