Pieces of the Puzzle

My brother bought me a 1000 piece puzzle for Christmas. It’s about 22X28 inches and a replica of a painting by Jeff Wilkie. The picture covers a sandy shore and a beautiful blue sea. There are mountains on one side and on the horizon the sun is setting or perhaps rising in an orange yellow haze. A sea gull flies over the ocean and a magnificent white horse stands on the shore with his dark brown mane flying in the air.

I’ve spread out the pieces on my table and it’s been slowly, very slowly coming together. This eve we put together the final pieces of the sky, and the rocks almost completing the horizon of the picture. When all of us go at it together we complete quite a bit and share a lot of laughs in the process.

I’ve been looking at the picture coming together with much joy and pride and also feel a sort of restlessness in wanting to put it all together as fast as I can so I can see for reality what it would look like.

As I sit here typing my year end post and I look at this year or the years that have gone by, it’s exactly like looking at my puzzle.

My creator must have used a lot of thought while painting my life’s picture with so many different colours and shapes and elements. And as I walk each day a piece of that picture comes together. Working on the bright skies of my puzzle was fun but the wild sea is tough and sometimes hopeless. And so also the circumstances in my life may differ. But as long as I keep working or walking patiently, one piece at a time or one day at a time, something beautiful is coming together. And those around me are integral in helping put this picture together.

Thank you for a beautiful Year.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I don’t see the entire picture but I am happy where I am and I know You will not rest till You put all the pieces together! :)

Pocket Money!

It’s been quite awhile since I have received pocket money from my dad coz unfortunately I am too old for it now. : (

Still Dad surprised me by giving me some for no particular reason. This was special. I kept it in my purse for a while not knowing what exactly to do with it.

I’ve wanted this music book for awhile now. It did not cost much but somehow to buy it I felt I would be *splurging* on myself.

Now with this gift I decided I could buy it and finally got it for myself much to my delight. : )

No matter how much I earn I cannot compare it to the joy that little sum of money brought me. Weird isn’t it?

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . guess that’s why something *free* is always more precious than that which is *earned* … like your love.

Soul Massage

Friday Evening: Sadly I can’t say TGIF. I’ve got to get to work tomorrow. *sigh*. I really want a break.

Saturday Morning: I drag myself out of the house. What I think is going to take me the whole day I get done in two hours. I meet up with some friends for an hour of prayer. A dear friend of mine and I then decide to go out and do a little Christmas shopping and grab a bite to eat. I enjoy every moment together.

Saturday Afternoon: Have a fun time in a small get together with some friends and also got a neat gift. A little porcelain girl, wearing a pink dress and a straw hat, holding a yellow water pail having a smiling face engraved on it with a brown dog at her feet his nose turned up and looking into her face. : )

Saturday Night: I’m walking/running on the beach with my dog. The breeze on my face is so strong that it feels like I’m flying. I dig my toes into the loose sand on the shore. My dog and I play wildly for awhile till its time to go.

Saturday Night: I’m writing this post my heart refreshed, my mind relaxed and my soul massaged. A lot can change in a day!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . You sure have your own simple way of surprising and restoring me! Thank you. : )

Wishes do come true!

I have made better acquaintances with a colleague of mine over this year. Last year round this time we had just exchanged a few formal mails. However round the end of the year on a rather informal note we had exchanged a rather unusual New Year wish that was such like:

Me:
Cheers! To many more smiles in the New Year!

Friend:
Wish u the same...Have a bright year ahead...!

Little did we know then that we would actually get to *know* each other any better. But due to some changes we ended up working together. I have discovered X to be a fun loving person, who I have indeed shared a lot of smiles with over this year! : )

Btw…Since December is the month of celebration, I’ve decided to actually think and wish from my heart coz you know what – wishes do come true!

Friend, I don't know if you would get to read this but I hope you would. Thank you. You sure have helped fill this year with smiles.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . You take even my little wishes quite seriously, don't ya?

Random Thoughts

A few thoughts based on recent circumstances . . .

Forgiveness is a lot easier when I know I’ve been there and I’ve done it too. And I almost always have.

Knowing what is it that I must not say helps in holding a good conversation.

The ultimate Truth: Only God is good. [Luke 18:18, 19]

Real Love overcomes self-pity.

When you trust you stop worrying.

Life in a shack can sometimes be cozier than a palace.

I can understand now, things I never understood before,
Some things only time can tell and experience can explain.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Glad to be growing! : )

I will get through this

This week was hard. All I wanted to do was to quit doing what I do. I had very good reasons to do so too. Trust me. The biggest reason of all was - fear.

Anyway I was chatting with mom about it.

"Did you think you will ever get this far?" she said.

"Nope!" I said reluctantly knowing where she would be heading next.

"Well, that’s proof enough to know that you sure will get through this too!" she continued in her absolutely assuring voice.

I could *see* what she meant but I *felt* so differently and I could not quite connect what I could see mentally with the way I felt. But with time what she said slowly sank deep enough to reach my feeling and made me a whole lot better.

Moms seem to have a quick word to magically mend a problem that looms like a mountain at times. : ) Thank you Mom.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . All that’s pulling me though is knowing that we have got this far and that’s proof enough to know we will get through this too!

The girl with a burnt face

I happened to see a young girl waiting to cross the road. Her face was so badly scarred from what seemed to be a fire accident. Her skin was almost completely damaged and her features marred beyond recognition.

I wondered what her story might be... I wondered what it would be like to be in her shoes...

Made me rethink my priorities. Made me rethink.

Dear @ina this is Mister God talking . . . You know her name and see much more than a girl with a burnt face. This is a silent plea for her and all around the world who can identify with her. But a stronger plea for me and those who can identify with me.

Time Capsule

Heard of this before? Well it's this pretty neat idea I came across from this a friend of mine! You can write yourself a mail and have it delivered to you after a time gap! It reads something like this:

"Greetings from your past. In the fall of 2005, you agreed to receive this message, which has been preserved for a year in ..."

"Here is the text of your message:" [Your text follows]

I have put extracts from what my friend had to say 'coz well it inspired me! Here goes...

"Hi X,

....This is "me", I mean "yourself" one year before! ...

I sincerely hope by this time, you must have.... [Hopes and dreams follow]

[I liked this bit the best]
This is to let ya know: don't loose that smile in your face and try your best to instill it on all the others you meet...."

Not all of my friend’s hopes and dreams had come true but the conclusion bit is a wonderful message… perhaps all that counts in the end of the day.

Inspired? You could try this out if you'd like....Send a mail to yourself after a given time frame or to anyone else for that matter! :)

Dear @ina this is Mister God talking . . . Greetings from the time of your creation. My thoughts and plans for you are like the grains of sand on the seashore… though the tides may sweep over them, they still remain. You mean so much to me. ;-)

Desperate

I have been using the word *desperate* quite often these days...most of the time playfully or as a figure of speech not really meaning it.

I was singing this song today however that had the word *desperate* in it and the writer of the song I was sure meant the word to it's full extent. It sent me on a word hunt...

Desperate: Oxford dictionary says "Willing to do anything regardless of danger" for that something that you are desperate for (I add).

Hmmm... Nothing in life comes with a tag that says "absolutely nil danger guaranteed". Almost just about anything we do is about taking a step in good faith despite the odds. But this word talks about something deeper - A driving force within one that is daring to risk it all for that one prized longing.

Know what I mean?

I was left with this one question in my mind:
What is that one thing in life that I am *desperate* for? In other words, what would I be *willing to do anything for regardless of the danger*?

The minute I answered that question, this one followed:
What have I done so far about it?

Err … nothing much.

The truth is: I *know* that one thing that I am desperate for and I *know* it is going to cost me in terms of risk and danger, and I stop right there - *Desperation* however goes beyond that.

I guess I should too. : )

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . It takes courage to push yourself to place you have never been before, to test your limits, to break through barriers, But hey! It’s the only way you will discover the wings I have given you…I hear you whisper.

Hey! Look at the moon...

I received this rather unusual message from a friend last eve. It read:

"Hey look at the moon... It is awesome...Hope it is not raining there... :-)"

I ran out to see it and sure enough the moon looked awesome. It was a full moon, so bright and brilliant that it lit up the entire night sky. There was a beautiful radiant circle around it with the diameter of what looked like a thousand kilometers, probably more. It had rose to almost the center of the sky and shone much brighter than any of the stars, set like a solitaire in the sky for all the world to see.

I live on the east coast and this message was from a friend in a different state on the west coast a long distance away and perhaps that made it more special - The fact that we could be so far away and yet admire the same sky, the same moon, and the same stars - a galactic display just for us!

It was a beautiful surprise! :) And I was so glad to be reminded that life’s simplest pleasures are actually quite easy to come by!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I have never wondered what messages you would send me if you choose to own a mobile phone. . . But am kinda sure this would be one! : )

Celebration

It’s been exactly a year as of today since I began blogging. * Celebration *!

I remember the day it all started. A friend introduced me to the blog world and the idea sort of clicked with me. It wasn’t planned but one Sunday afternoon I logged on, found blogger, clicked on the ‘create a blog’ link and kept going one step at a time & voila! I had a space of my own but was not quite sure of what would come out of it.

Last night I spent a lot of time looking back at the posts I’ve written, the people who inspired me, the situations I’ve been through, the comments I’ve received and the laughs n joys, pain n hurt I’ve shared. Some brought back good memories, some made me laugh at myself, some made me think and rethink, some made me smile and some made my eyes color but most just made me realize I live in a beautiful world surrounded by beautiful people.

I was watching a show on BBC about a traveler’s journey through the Sahara, yesterday. This rather difficult journey was made not only easy but also enjoyable by the people he meets and mingles with. His last line on the show is “Traveling is about continually - learning new things and saying goodbye”

That’s exactly true about life too. I’ve learnt so much through this year & yes, not all the people who were with me when this journey began are with me now. I’ve had to say some sad goodbyes to some very special people who will always be in a warm cozy place called memories where footprints never fade.

To any of you out there who still read this blog, you’ve been part of this journey with me, thank you!
(And hey! Just came across this pretty neat link: www.mayyoubeblessedmovie.com . Do check it out and remember to turn on your speakers when you do!)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Cheers to the beginning of a new year of blogging! : )

Full – Inside

I was speaking to a friend X over the phone after quite some time. X voice was warm and cheerful. There was an excitement and joy in X’s spirit that was conveyed by the exuberance of X voice. It was nothing obvious but subtle and listening to X I could tell X was *full-inside*!

Know what I mean? That’s my way of conveying an *all is happy* kinda state of being.

Does that mean that there was *nothing not happy* in X’s life? I don’t think so. Instead it’s when we come to terms with the not so happy bit and choose to rather be content (Btw: do you know content = happy! That’s what the dictionary says)

In fact X did go on to narrate some other things that X was not happy about but did not let *it*, steal the joy from X’s voice.

Wonder what’s stealing my Joy today? What’s keeping me from being content? Am I full on the inside?

. . . I can be!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . you designed me full and I don’t wanna let the world steal it from me.

Pause

I was watching this beautiful movie and I caught myself wishing I could *pause* it in a happy moment timelessly.

Ever wished you could just *pause* your life permanently on a happy moment?
: )

If I could, I wonder which moment I would have choosen?

A number of happy moments raced through my mind one after the other...

My hand just refused to press that imaginary pause button cause unless I let it play I won’t be able to recollect the next moment . . .!

I changed my mind and pressed the play button and watched the rest of the movie. There were some tragedies and some joyful moments that followed. But watching it all was definitely more fulfilling.

I’m actually at this point of my life when I wish I could just *pause* it. Everything seems so perfect. But maybe I should stop wishing and just gladly let my life play!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . You, my director knows best! :)

Best of Both

I got to dance in the rain and watch a rainbow across the horizon over this weekend!

:) Just felt like telling the world that!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Reminded me of your most beautiful promise of all ~ A rainbow will always follow the rain.

The four Little Lights

My life was brightened today by four friends. We work together as a team and interact quite a lot on a daily basis. Today however is a local holiday and I had to turn up early in the morn and hang around for a few hours.

One of my friends surprised me by turning up earlier than I did, for no reason at all but to just be there. For me! : ) Then another called up and patiently played along with my teasing and taunting. I enjoyed it! : ) That was followed by a simple sms from yet another friend that made me smileee : ). And then an unexpected long distance call from the last one who’s on vacation! : )

I went this morn expecting to be lonely but instead found my friends made it not so lonely after all. I don't know if they realized it but they are four little lights. Just as they brightened my day today they go out into the world each day brightening many lives!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . India is celebrating a traditional festival of lights. And I personally celebrate The Light, lights in my life. : )

Putting my foot down

An interesting observation:
It's so easy to put my foot down for others,
Yet so difficult to put my foot down for myself!

I found myself advising this friend of mine with so much zest, on putting *her* foot down about something that *I* felt was not so fair. But hey! She reminded me. You are putting your foot down for me! : )

Hmmm… It's true. It was so easy to see into her situation and tell her what she ought not to put up with. But when I am put in the same situation... I'm blind as a bat! I don't even see my foot half the time so really have no chances to put it down! I can stomp around for others while I can’t stand for myself!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . If only practicing what I preach was easy.

The same ole Love

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . .

You watched me grow
From young to old
With every step I took

As the years have passed by
Your love has made me strong
From dawn to dusk
With every new day

As the years have passed by
Your grace has taught me all
From foolish to wise
With every new experience

But as the years have passed by
I have fallen many times
Both great and small
Sometimes I have hurt you
Sometimes I have failed
& sometimes I have despised you

But you still look at me
With the same ole love
That you had for me
The day I was born.

I’m amazed by your love. : )

Self-Consumed

I was in an absolute mess today. I myself have never seen myself so frenzied!

Back drop: Ah! I think I shall just keep that under the carpet.

The point: I stayed up half the night all the while working out in my head what I could have said, what I could have done and what not to fix the record and make it all straight. I was so consumed in it that I could not even hear the still voice in me. But only if I listened I know this whole day would have been so different for me. There is so much of the *Me* in me that still needs to die.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . We have miles to go before I sleep.

On Par

Over a conversation with my mum I discovered something interesting about myself.

In my mind, all who I am in a relationship with are not on par. Some I look up to and some I felt look up to me. Which is true but the sad thing is I decided this based on age!

In my culture it is very important to respect people who are elder than oneself. From very young we are taught to address anyone elder with respect, look up to them, follow what they say and hold them in high esteem.

So in my mind people friends and family who are elder to me are the people I respect, I look up to and when interacting with them I always expect to be on the receiving end. But when I am with friends and family younger than me, I feel I am looked up to and hence try to be as giving as possible.

However this is not the way it works. I realized I should not be in any relationship hoping to be the giver or the receiver but rather be open to give and take. Like my mum pointed out to me, at times a four year old has a lot teach us!

So regardless of age, experience, background or any such differences I am learning to look at both myself and the person I am interacting with as on par. Friendships and relationships are somehow so much more rewarding when you take that perspective.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I know it’s not just age but a lot of other such things that put barriers in me while I interact with people... help me break down these barriers within me.

Just Human

A thought:

Sometimes we have so much expectations on ourselves, that we forget we are human.
And sometimes others have so much expectations on us, that they forget we are human.

But Hey! We are human.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Glad to be just human.

Moving on in Life

I’ve been moving a lot, and working with different people lately. Over a period of time I grow fond of ‘em and then before I know it, it’s again time to move. Either for them or for me... and all the laughs we shared, chats we had and games we played our memories stowed away. :(

I’m a slow kinda person and every time I’m faced with movement of any sort it takes a lot of courage to help me cope with it. But like all people I cope with it too.

Anyway such happenings over the last two weeks just brought to my mind that pic I have posted. I guess what is being conveyed though it is a plea not to be a mere spectator of one’s own life but rather to live it!

However I beg to differ. There are times, when yes we can jump in and live our life. When we are in control and going places. But there are also times when all you can do is just watch life, our own life take it's course and simply flow along. These are times of letting-go or times of being in some ways left behind.

And yes, it takes courage to cope.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Guess the best part is, you walk hand in hand always. Always.

Commitment

There are some of us who have a never-commit syndrome. No matter what happens we would never commit to anything. We come up with new and effective excuses and always slip out through the back door when commitment is required. We are a little manipulative. Then there are some of us who take a lot of time to make a small commitment. We are usually calculative and cautious and perhaps wise too. We never give our word easily and if given well then we live by it. And then there are some of us who are over committed. Anything that happens near us, around us or even in our vicinity is our responsibility. We work ourselves up over minute detail and in the process work everyone around us up as well! We pursue perfection, which is an elusive goal in the disguise of doing our best. But all said and done we stand out for excellence.

Anyone out there feel like you connect?

Well, whatever category we fall into, I am realizing that adulthood is a lot about commitment. And if we do not strike a balance then our lives can be pretty messy. There are times when we need to slip out of commitment, there are times when we need to think it over and there are times we need to give it our all. And knowing which to do when is what you learn, keep learning as an adult! ;)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Could really use your help on this!

My Quote on Giving

I've been thinking -

Giving ain't *give-ing* until it pinches your own pocket.

Know what I mean? ....

I was extremely proud of myself today for a certain action which I decided was quite selfless of me. I patted my shoulder and said to myself "You are doing swell!". I even flattered my head into think I must be quite a giving person to be able to do what I did..... well, all this until I met another friend in need in the same day. Now this favour actually meant I needed to make some *real* sacrifices. And guess what? I was not too happy... & Bam! all that selflessness that I thought I saw in me was gone!!!
....But it was good while it lasted! ;)

Anyways, I realized what the parable about the woman who gave her two coins when that was all she had as oppose to the rich man who gave a tenth of his riches suddenly came to life and I realized giving, and I mean *real* giving ain't easy but makes you smile when you do it anyway even if it hurts a lil! :)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Makes me wonder how much have I ever really given.... :?

Through the Doting Eyes of My Dad

This morn I was dressed up in our traditional costume, for a special occasion I had to go to. As I stepped out to leave Dad looked at me, his eyes full of love and admiration for me, his daughter. I was kinda zapped in that moment and realized that Dad’s way of looking at me was whole lot different from my own view of myself or that of anyone else. Perhaps this is a father daughter thing or then again perhaps this is a parent child thing, but whatever it is this morning looking into my dad’s eyes I realized this: In His eyes I am the most precious, unique, special, smart, and beautiful thing on earth.

:) Yep! If only I could always see myself through his eyes! :)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Looking into Dad’s eyes felt like a glimpse into your heart for me.

Rolling Stone

I heard a knock, it was still dawn
The sun was just rising on the horizon
I staggered across, feeling cross;

An old man was at the door
Knotted hair, a knitted bag
A shabby dress, sparkling grey eyes;

He stood there his finger pointed
To the unkempt yard
“I can work a miracle”; I heard him say as I nodded;

The day passed, at eve we met
I stood still quite amazed
As he turned away, glad with the days work;

I heard his footsteps fade, his footprints never did
He had to be directed form above
But in earthly disguise, I saw just another rolling stone.


I wrote this poem about seven years ago, inspired by an old man who like the poem narrates turned up at our home one morning and worked for a day’s wage. I was cross to be woken by this rustic but he was a blessing I almost missed simply because the blessing came packaged in an ‘unattractive earthly disguise’. It made me wonder if I have missed many such blessings simply because I did not find the packaging attractive.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Keeping my eyes peeled open…I would rather not miss anymore! : )

Loving People

A friend who I thought I knew and love and care for, *did* something that was very contradicting to who I felt I knew her to be and it in a way makes it hard for me to just love her.

It has left me thinking about this one question: Do I love people for what they do? Or Do I love people for who they are?

Pause… Putting on my thinking cap…

When you actually think about it, it’s a little hard to differentiate between the two. In the sense that, who I am is reflected by what I do and what I do in turn reflects on who I am. But despite the parallels I believe there is a lot of difference between the two.

I for one would like to be loved for who I am rather than what I do or don’t do for that matter. True love, I believe is not based on actions but looks beyond that into the heart behind the actions. True love understands what to others is not understandable. True love, keeps loving despite the odds coz the person is more important than the deeds.

That reminds me of my best friend whom I have known since my childhood. There are days, weeks when we sometimes can’t keep in touch or be there for each other and sometimes we fail to *do* all that friends ought to *do* for each other but none of it matters to us. We catch up when we can and time together is always beautiful. Put simply we love each other for who we are.

Coming back to where we started… Do I love people for what they do? Or Do I love people for who they are? Guess it’s a choice I make everyday.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . If you were to love me based on what I do, I’m lost!

Flirting with Danger

A young man zipped passed me on a bike. He was weaving through the traffic way over the speed limit on a crowded road absolutely confident that he was in perfect control!

I think the biggest mistake that we as young people can do is think that we are always in control of ourselves. We put ourselves in harms way confident of our false sense of control over situations. Know what I mean?

I think I can’t get addicted. I think I can’t mess my life or my relationships. I think I can’t kill someone or get killed on the road if I ain’t careful. I tend to think I am somehow *above* these things and they will never happen to me and that thought itself put’s me in harms way.

But you know what the shocking truth is: Yes I can! I can do all that I mentioned and a whole lot of other worse things if I am not careful. Let’s face it. If I cannot hold my tongue when I ought to or my temper when I need to, I am not in control of all I do!

Life Pointer -> Enjoy life to the fullest, but be wise…! : )

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . May your hand of protection and guidance rest on this generation so we may be vibrant and wise.

A time to Dig

There are times when you need to dig into your deep. To get out the grime and dirt that has accumulated over the years and silence the flattering tongue that deceives your mind into believing that all is well within you. To gut out the silliness that roams within your walls and the subconscious thoughts that you did not know existed but raise their voice.

It’s a time that’s painful but necessary. It breaks you now but will be the reason to build you. It crushes you now but it will be the cause for your upliftment. It hurts you but brings healing from within. It steals you of your pride but leaves you with peace.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I could never get through these times without you by my side.

To my Friends

* Thanks for being there! : ) *

Dear Mister God this is @ina talking . . . You top that list!

Novelty to Normality

Cacti flowers are rare and amazing. They have rich colors and are very unique. It is usually quite a novelty. Back when we first begun having a few cacti plants, I remember mum waiting, and watching for flowers on our plants. The smallest bud would cause so much of excitement!

Now, it’s different though. We have a number of cacti, and they flower in turns. Sometimes we even have 3 different flowers at a time. They are still as bright, and beautiful and amazing as they were before but the novelty has worn of. Now it’s more a ‘normality’! We expect them to flower and don’t celebrate it as much as we used to...

Mum and I were just talking about that and realized how much of the novelty of life we hardly celebrate these days and instead just take it for granted. I tried spending the rest of the day remembering what was once my novelties... like the chocolate bar I had for breakfast, the strawberry milk shake that I gulped, the work I dreamed of having and this column I’m writing!
You know what, it changed my day. These things need to be celebrated. Every day if need be. :)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . talking with you is another one of those things!

Wishing I had Super Powers!

I have been having this playful conversation with a friend about having super powers! I claim I can turn my friend X, into a frog, and X in turn plays along claiming a mystical green fairy, who is also a figment of our imagination will save X!!
:)

Yeah, it may be silly but at times I think it sure will help if it was true! No, not to turn my friend into a frog… (well maybe) but more for those moments when I feel helpless ... and just wish I had super powers to make it all okay!!

Kid’ish huh? Perhaps. But I’m sure all of us at some point of time wish there were things we could wish into being or wish out of being!

Still, when all my wishing seems to be of vain, I realize that God does have all those super powers and more. But if he should remain silent, or allow that something that isn’t all that good then there’s got to be something to it. Like recently I was very worried about Y, being in a lot of peer pressure. I prayed about it and wished it will just go away, till I had to be reminded by the still voice within me that Y, needed to go through that peer pressure to be able to face life as Y grew older and that Y would not be ready to take on the world unless those elements unpleasant as they seem, are part of Y’s life.

So here’s my conclusion to all the problems that I as a human cannot resolve without super powers: Just trust the one who has those powers to make it okay!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Perhaps I ought to be grateful I don’t have those super powers... I might end up with frogs for friends! ;) :)

Is it real?

A friend and I enjoy receiving beautiful pictures of nature via email. Sometimes it’s pictures of the four seasons in countries we have never been, or its pictures of valleys, mountains, waterfalls etc. Whenever we get these pics we share them amongst ourselves and a few other friends.

Oft the first question raised is “Is it real?”. In a world were anything is possible on the computer with graphics and animation, it is actually quite hard to believe that these pics are for real. And somehow the more beautiful the picture is the harder it is to believe that they are real.

While having one such discussion, my friend remarked, “Anything that’s perfectly beautiful, we just can’t accept it, can we? We have got to think it cannot be real!!”

True! It also applies to stories I read or hear. Like, the other day I read this story about a person who made it despite a thousand odds in the sporting field, and the first question that crossed my mind was “Is it real?”

I wonder what it is in us that just refuses to allow us to accept something that is beautiful, perfect, or extraordinary? I wonder…

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . guess that’s perhaps the reason we people ask you if you are for real too?!

On Branded Stuff

I found myself dressed in branded stuff today. I was quite shocked when I realized it because I am not someone who is very much into buying branded stuff but have been doing so lately for various reasons like the colors, fits and material.

My mother reads up about all the brands and would always give me advice such as X jeans do not respect human rights in third world countries and Y jeans are so much better in their policies so buy Y and not X. She herself follows these standards about buying anything from coffee that costs almost nothing to shoes or clothes or whatever. I also come from a country which has a heritage of wining it’s independence through boldly defying the norm and by boycotting products that did not respect human rights.

Today however we as a generation are hardly sensitive to such pleas even if we heard them. Comfort, looks and trends are more important to us than the ethics. I cannot boast of caring even half as much as my mum does or the generations before her about what X or Y factory does as long as X or Y is affordable.

Callous isn’t it? Just got me thinking. Some things need to be passed on from one generation to another.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Wake me up! Wake up my generation!

Etc…Etc…

I was talking to a friend of mine who has gone on a short term to another country primarily for work reasons. We were talking about the travel, the people, the sites to see, the variety of food and generally all those other things that make the experience complete rather than the primary reason of the visit which was work related.

“Have fun traveling, site seeing, meeting people et cetera I said!” And X replied overjoyed “The et cetera things are all I am doing!”

And that’s when it dawned on me… Somehow though our work is most often a primary part of our life/day, often it’s all the *et cetera* things that goes along with it that truly completes our life/day. Like for me, sometimes it’s waking up and seeing the blue sky or walking around my garden and catching a whiff of the flowers, or sometimes just sleeping late, or hanging around with my family or just eating a special meal ... et cetera!

You get where I am heading? I’m learning to stop wishing I can do some of those *et cetera* things by letting work come in my way, and instead actually doing them. Join me! :)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Sure am happy you created 'et cetera' ! ;)

Biting into the Bait

The bait was all set up. It was covered with a large piece of fresh meat and I would think looked really tempting to a born predator. Leaves and mud was used to make the place look as unsuspecting as possible to the wild cat who was supposed to be the unknowing victim.

As time passed she finally appeared. Cautiously she approached her instincts at full alert. The smell of the meat was irresistible and was drawing her closer and closer till finally she was within sight of the bait.

I was routing for her. "No, don't, don't" I cried, at the top of my voice. Of course she could not hear me, through the television screen. She pounced on the meat and before I knew it was lost in the pit just below the bait, her trap!

...Okay, that was not a pleasant story and I apologize. The reason I narrated it however is coz it has a very apt life lesson to teach me.

I found myself caught in a similar drama recently. I was totally on the right (for once!) and X was on the wrong. X however decided to throw up a tantrum and be generally *bad*. And I *so* wanted to get back. I *so* wanted to prove myself. I *so* wanted to prove my point. I *so* wanted to...

But I knew that the right thing to do was to let it pass. Unfortunately... (!?) The bait was set and I like the wild cat just wanted to pounce on the meat. It was irresistible but not wise. Today somehow I did not bite the bait but I know there have been ‘n’ times I have and the outcome has never really benefited anyone.

So hey out there! Think again . . . it may just be a temper tantrum or an addiction of some kind. Like I said think again because once entangled it’s even harder to get out of it and it just ain’t worth it!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I know you always route for me, help me not to neglect your call.

The Phone Call

Tring-Tring… Tring-Tring…

I am standing closest to this common phone that is used by a few of us. So when I hear it ring, I pick it up.
Me: Hi! This is xyz.
Caller: Hi! Can I speak to S.
Me:(Look around) Sorry, S is not available.
Caller: Do you have S’s cell phone number?
Me: No, I’m sorry. I do not.
Caller: (Pause) I see.
Me: Can I pass on a message?
Caller: (Reluctantly) okay. Can you tell S, that S’s dad passed away and there is someone waiting to see him?
Me: (Pause)!!!
Caller: Hello?
Me: What??!
Caller: Repeats himself.
Me: (Pause) Okay.
Hurriedly I put the phone down!

2 minutes later. I call back again…
Me: Hi! I just received a call from this number…
Caller: Yes, I called.
Me: Did you want to pass on a message to ‘S’ as in the ‘S’ with such an such sir name.
Caller: Yes.
Me: Can you repeat the message please…
Caller: Yes. (Repeats it)
Me: Okay. I shall pass on the information.

A little stunned I informed a friend of S, K. So K wisely (You will know why soon) called S and simply said someone is waiting to see you.

Shocked by the sudden news I found it hard to go on with what I was supposed to do. S however returned shortly and seemed hardly disturbed. I wondered why. And usually in such a situation my spirit would begin to pray for the person concerned but today I just was shocked and did not feel much more.

About 2 hours later however, the message…err… correct message came trickling to my ear.

S’s wife’s, mother’s mother had passes away and S’s dad came to *see* him and give him the news!!

:)! LOL?!

It really was not all that funny for me right then though! :/ But Gosh! Was I relieved! Not only that there was not much bad news but also that S never heard the misguiding message I received. * Thank God *
Apart from that I still dunno what to make of the whole incident except that communication can be so critical at times. And a G-A-P in that can cause a lot of problem!! And I mean a looot!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . err… (Chuckle)!

Going back to my Roots

Over the last week, I got to visit the small village where my dad grew up for the first time. I have heard so many stories of his growing up days from him and his family and could only imagine what the place would be like.

We reached the little village around 10 in the morning and I was taken aback. It felt like we had traveled back in time … My dad was coming back after 24 years and even he was shocked. There were no roads except around the village. The houses were neatly aligned in rows with about 20 feet between them and looked like they were out of an old movie, with tiny front yards, and sloping roofs with tiles. The soil was like sea sand, loose and soft but reddish. I threw my sandals away and ran along the sandy streets just getting a feel of the place. There were not many people out at that time, perhaps the moms and dads where at work some place and the kids at school, while the older generation rested indoors till the sun went down a little...

The highlight of the little village was the church. All the roads led to the large red stoned beautiful church right in the center of the village, with a steeple that reached up to the sky having a big round clock midway. It was absolutely stunning. I have seen a lot of church buildings but none as beautiful as this one. It was built in the beginning of the last century and inside the windows had some amazing paintings. I walked around with my dad as he narrated the many events that took place over the years on those very grounds.

Dad had climbed up the steeple many a time when he was young but now it was closed as the ladders that went up was a little shaky. Dad however wanted me to get the full experience so we decided to give it a shot. The person in charge gave us the keys and we found a tiny little passage for one, through which we began our climb. Mind you, this steeple was exceptionally tall. There where seven levels and each level kept getting narrower. Dad led the way and soon we were heading up! On the third floor we found the mechanism for the clock. It was huge and ancient with a big round pendulum and a perfectly in tune tick-tock. On the floor above the clock was the large iron bell. Gosh! Though rusted and dusty, this bell has been ringing for the last two centuries 24 times each day, telling this little town the exact time from generation to generation!! As we climbed past the 4th level I felt like I was in a Famous Five Story book!! Creaking wooden panels on the floor, a narrow shaky ladder, up a dingy tower ...! :) Now we had pigeons flying in and out as well, through the large stone windows that gave us light and air. The view was getting more and more amazing. Finally we reached the top floor. Only one person could fit in the very top at a time since the wall was much narrower and so Dad encouraged me on. On one side, there was a small hole in which was a nest with a young pigeon and on the other side was the last stone window. I peered out and watched the tiny world underneath me! There was a cool breeze. Parrots flew way below me. The kids formed a line outside in the village school and they looked like ants in uniform! I could see this entire village and all the neighboring villages, perhaps even the other side of the globe! :)

Slowly we climbed back down and as we reached the last floor, dad picked up a pigeon feather and gave it to me. He said “That’s in memory of our little adventure”! The feather is safely tucked away in my little wooden box of treasures and the memory will remain forever in my heart. On my knees in that old church I whispered a little prayer, renewing a commitment I made over a decade ago. Before long, it was time to go.

Nothing had changed. To me it was a picture perfect village!
Still, I did not see a hospital, or even a tailors shop. No large vehicles, only cycles. No eating place or entertainment. I wish there was something I could do to plow back into that village that today created this wonderful family I am part of that is spread all across the world. I will.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Help me to always remember my promise.

The other side

Oops! This is yet another story from the roads I travel on!

We have been having a major half of a long stretch of the road I travel on daily blocked out for more than 9 months now. There where big posters on the partition apologizing for the inconvenience and asking us to be patient. One of them read “You have to put up with the rain in order to enjoy the rainbow”. I loved this one and it just made me smile no matter how bad the traffic got on that stretch due to the work taking place.

Finally however this has come to a close, more or less and this morning the ‘other half’ of the road was opened to us for the first time. Since there where big barriers I never got to actually *see* what was happening on 'the other side'. Rumor has it however that work went on night and day. The road which was about 20 feet now spanned for about 50 feet! It promises to be simply too good to be true!
Driving down it the first time, I caught myself thinking “I had no idea there was so much of work going on this side”!

It’s like that with life too I guess. We see the side of us that the world see’s and judges. But there is ‘another side’ to us which is constantly (night and day) growing with every new experience, changing with every new encounter, and expanding with every new opportunity. We may not always *see* it and progress sometimes seems (painfully) slow but the fruits of which we will enjoy, in time. We just need to be patient and not give up! :)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Enjoyed learning that lil lesson with you today.

The invisible Men

I was driving home late last night on one of the best laid roads in my city. It’s one of those roads where you can drive pretty fast and not be too alert. . . (Hope my dad does not come across this!) ...;)

Anyways, I was quite amused to find two (police)men, carrying a big chunk of cement right to the center of the road. Apparently there was a big pot hole, and they were trying to fill it in. As I passed by that strip, I came quite dangerously close to falling into it myself but was waved away by them.

The road was deserted and cold and these men where just doing their work, unwatched, unknown. As I drove on I thought about the next morning when the peak our traffic will jam the roads and many a car, bike, van, lorry, bus will pass that way. Who knows what could have happened if that pot hole was not taken care of? Who knows, perhaps an accident was averted by this act?

Today, we had a heavy down pour. I had forgotten all about what I just narrated but as I drove home and passed by that same strip, it was covered with ankle deep water... I could not see the road clearly but was confident that it will be okay. Someone had worked extra time to make sure the road will be safe for me.

Ever grateful to these invisible men and the many more out there who toil so things will be okay for people like me.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Make me like these men, hidden and unknown perhaps, and thought little of by those around but satisfying your heart.

On a Holiday

I had been on a holiday with my friends and colleagues, to a beautiful hill station. Here’s a recollection of my most cherished moments:

Day 1: We were packed and raring to go on Friday night. The train was at nine and we all jammed in. The best bit of the journey was staying up late into the night chatting non-stop! The next morning we got of on our station at 4 am. It was cold and the chirping of birds was so loud that I had to raise your voice to be heard. My heart was excited and the sights and sounds made me feel like I was part of the opening scene in the movie Sound of Music! :) The hills are alive . . .

We reached our hotel around mid-morning. It was a beautiful place perched a little higher than the village that surrounded it. Our room had a lovely French window on one side from where I could see part of the village, comfy chairs to recline, and a huge bed in the center! Jus Peeeeeeeeerfect! :)

Washed and loaded with a big breakfast we did a bit of sight seeing that day and where back by late afternoon. Too excited to rest a few friends and I took a walk around the place and just enjoyed the sights and scenes of the hills. Every turn brought you to a new place! Every hill looked so alike and yet was so different. I couldn’t get enough of it!

Late that eve we settled down to play some indoor games and I got to pick up a table tennis racket for the first time. It was fun. With a slight change in the rules of the game we proved to be experts! The rule being the ball can go anywhere in the room other than on the table! ;)

Day 2: One of my friends came knocking at half past 5 in the morning. I was the only one semi-awake so dragged myself from under the thick sheets that helped keep me warm in the freezing temperature and opened the door. She had come to pick up a sweater she had left the previous night. Am going for a walk she proclaimed, and before she could finish I was grabbing my sweater and running after her.

The morning is the most beautiful time to experience the hills and I just did not want to miss it. We went on a steep climb from on narrow road, from where we could see quite far and wide. The rustling of the leaves and the not-at-all gentle breeze is something I can’t ever forget. We plodded on, picking wild flowers and chatting.

Just when we were thinking it would be nice to have a hot cup of tea we bumped into a couple of other friends who had also decided to come out for a walk. We joined company and since no tea shop was open we decided to instead trek a near by mountain. Has we began our climb, using a narrow path probably left by those who come that way to collect fire wood we were joined by a fluffy dog! He decided to be our guide and marched on in front of us!! Overjoyed dog and man exchanged roles and we followed faithfully till we reached the top. It was beautiful. The breeze was so strong that the trees waved like a flag. We stood for awhile, took a couple of pictures and began our climb down. Of course with our expert guide we had no reason to worry. As we made it back to the road, we turned around to thank our faithful friend and found he was no where! He had left, who knows what else was on his agenda for that day! We rounded up our trek with a hot cup of tea and were back just in time to get ready and set out for sight seeing.

Our agenda included a lot of trekking and rock climbing. I can’t say it fun at all times but it was definitely worth it and I enjoyed it. Cause after what seemed like endless walking we reached rocks suspended in the middle of nowhere from where we could view breathtaking sights.

The day ended with a bonfire. I grabbed on my sweat shirt, a pullover and a scarf and made my way along with friends to what was a small amphitheater with a bonfire in the center. We had loud music, games, dancing and a whole lot of laughs! :D After the festivity was over and all left a few of us returned to the same place later that night. The place that was full of life hardly an hour ago was now perfectly silent. We huddled close to fire which was almost dying out. In the strong breeze that blew now and then the embers flew high, and looked like fire flies in the dark night sky.

Day 3: A few of my friends and I woke up early. We had decided to trek the same near by mountain and this time reach a little spring we had noticed the other day from the top. So off we went, camera in hand and sweaters wrapped around us. We reached the spot where we could see the spring flow over the rocks but actually getting down to the rocks seemed a lot harder. After contemplating the risk we decided to give it a shot anyway. We made it without much too much of trouble and soon found ourselves sitting on a rock with a beautiful stream flowing around us, among flowers that were the size of our heads! My friends requested a song, and so I sang “Over the mountains and the seas...” to my petite audience. It’s a moment that shall remain forever etched in my heart.

Later that eve, after our regular sight seeing for the day we took a long walk to a lake nearby. We rented out cycles for an hour and rode around the lake. I have not been on a bicycle for ages and riding it brought back childhood memories. The lake was beautiful and the only way to best experience it was on a bicycle! It was so much of fun!! That was followed by a little treat washed down with a hot cup of tea!

Day 4: I just wanted to warp myself tight and sleep but this was gonna be our last morning on the hill and I just could not miss it. So forcing myself out of bed I found company and decided to go out. I walked a little way and since the others decided to trek and I was not too eager to do so, took a short walk back singing at the top of my voice! Thank God, there was no one around! :)

As I reached base I found another troop just starting out into the mountains and joined them. We took an entirely different road that led up to an old school. The building was completely run down and the board said “Batch of ‘86’!” Hmmm…eerie! After taking a few snaps we hitchhiked our way back on a local bus glad to be back to familiar ground! ;)

The trip was almost done. We were to check out and spend the day near the lake bicycling, taking pictures and shopping. Gathering my stuff together, as we left the room, I could not help kneeling by my bed side and saying a simple short Thank you. This holiday had turned out to be more beautiful than I had thought or hoped.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Glad you convinced me to go! :)

Teary Eyed Me

Hmmm... I find myself teary eyed and I can’t quite explain why. Something relatively minor has left me in a total mess for the last two days and I just can’t get over it!

I’ve been a little over worked and touchy, and that’s the only reason I can find. I just have not have had enough quite time and mole hills take the shape of mountains in my head! :/

I wish I could just get over it but I can’t. I need to take a break but I can’t. I need to re-focus on what’s important in life but I can’t. I just need to be quiet, but I can’t.
It’s just so hard. I know what I got to do but I just can’t do it.

Been there? I sure hope not......!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Grace to seek you I need, for in you alone I find rest.

The One who Stills me

I was on the phone with an aunt of mine after quite some time. We talked about the general ups and downs in our life… things she referred to as ‘volcanoes and earthquakes’ …. Pretty descriptive I think ‘coz mostly we seem to be either trapped in circumstances that just *erupt* or circumstances that *cave* in… on us!

‘But’ she added with a pause, I come home to X and X helps *still* me.

Hmmm… loved the way she put that! I guess we all have that special someone in our lives, who can just help us be *still* when everything else erupts or caves in on us. Know what I mean? Or perhaps there is more than one person like so in our lives.

I can think of a few and I’d really like to be that kind of a person to a few too. :) And to those special people who just help *still* me. Thank you.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . You are one of those special people.

B-L-A-C-K

One of the most beautiful movies I have ever seen is an Indian Movie called Black. I have been meaning to write about it for long, and finally am typing it down…!

It’s about a little girl, who was born blind. She has never seen light and lives in a dark world and hence the name Black. Her parents do not know how to help her and she grows into a wild child, and has an animal like existence. The role is so well portrayed in the movie that one can literally feel the darkness, depression, desolation and desperation of this little child. She gets worse as she grows older and finally her parents decide she will either go mad and has to be taken care of in a special place or they need to find her someone who will be able to draw her out of her dark world.

Help comes in the form of a teacher who is specially gifted. He moves into the house and begins to help her. It’s not easy. He is strict and she has never been used to discipline before. He is literally thrown out of the house because her parents do not like the way he teaches but he persists. He struggles to break into her world of darkness by enabling her to connect words with the feel of things. After a long ordeal, light finally breaks into this young lady’s dark world as she begins to recognize words and associate them with touch!

The story does not end there. The student depends on her teacher to show her the world through his eyes. They go on to achieve what was never thought possible by sheer determination… (Shall not disclose the end incase you want to watch it and have not yet!)

The reason I narrate is because I could connect with the little girl lost in a dark world. I may not be plunged in physical darkness but I am talking about the darkness inside. The darkness that we all battle with some times, some days. Perhaps we even battle it everyday. And like the little girl we need to be taught one small step at a time to reach out for the light. It’s not easy and sometimes it’s just sheer determination that will keep you going.

Ever been there? If yes, you are not alone.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . My teacher, my friend, Can’t imagine a life without you.

Words of Wisdom

My Grandma is one of the biggest treasures in my life. She is like no one else I have ever known or will ever know. Her concern, care, and prayers night and day for me are like a heavenly cloak around me protecting me and strengthening me always.

Grandpa died a few years ago. I used to call him the Grandest Grand Pa, coz he truly was the most wonderful granddad according to me. He had a special twinkle in his eyes (Yeah, just like you read in story books), loved to laugh and loved people in an unconditional, over the top way.

Grandma always has words of wisdom to share and I enjoy sitting on the shore of the beach (one of her favorite places) and chatting with her. I wish I could do that more often!

She spent the last week with us and gave me a word of advice before she left. It was about temper tantrums. She said if ever you are in the same room with someone who has lost their temper, then you be the one who holds peace. Agree with what they have to say and go along with it all, fair or unfair. Then wait for a time when they have calmed down and talk things over. That’s how grandpa and I dealt with things she explained. When I was upset, he was patient and when he was upset I was patient. They never fought once in the 40 odd years of their married life.

I did not take her advice too seriously till something happened and I learnt from practice that it’s not easy to do so but trust me it works wonders! It’s something I want to hold on to for the rest of my life.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Thank you for Grandmamma.

Love Covers

I was reading this statement this morning - 'Love Covers over All Wrong' in the book of the Proverbs… I have read it so many times before but this time I actually paused to think and I was taken aback by what it meant.

Let’s break it up…
Love Covers (Envelop, conceal, hide, protect, deal with, embrace, take in) over All (Completely, entirely, altogether, every part of, the whole) Wrong (Incorrect, wide of the mark, immoral, wicked, dishonest, unethical, improper, insult, injustice, injure, abuse, sin…)

That says a loooot, huh?

Makes me wonder - Have I ever ‘Loved’ anyone? Or Will I ever be able to ‘Love’?
‘coz Love and I mean Real Love covers.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Perhaps the reason I struggle with coming to grips with your love for me, which is a perfect Love that covers over all wrong is because I think of your love like mine.

Noddy says No!

Ever watched the cartoon show on Noddy?

If you haven’t then Noddy is a little boy in Toy World, who is a Taxi driver who delivers packages to toys in toy town. Noddy is a good natured, pleasant, nice young man who is always helpful and kind. The little town also has two goblins who are always up to mischief and Noddy often comes to the rescue of Toy town!

I am way over the age of watching cartoons, but still enjoy ‘em ... wait a minute, is there an age limit for cartoons? (Chuckle)

Anyway in this particular episode I watched, the goblins ask Noddy for a ride in his car. Noddy agrees and gives them a ride. But the Goblins begin to demand more of him. They ask him to take him from one place to another and refuse to let him go. Finally Noddy is tired, hungry and to make matters verse his fuel tank is almost empty.

He finally gets rid of the goblins after a long ordeal but his tank has no fuel to take him back to town and Noddy has to walk back to get some fuel.

An old gentleman who is a good friend of Noddy meets him on his way and asks him what is wrong. Noddy explains. His friend tells him he needs to learn to say “No!”
“But, But... they said please and thank you...” says Noddy.
That does not mean you have to do all that they say explains the old man.

The nest day, the Goblins come around to find Noddy again, but Noddy says No. He explains that he is busy and has other things to do and would just rather not hang out with them! His old friend is pleased and says, “Noddy, you are now growing up!“
And Noddy breaks into a little song, which ends with “You can say No, and still be Nice!”

Why do I narrate all this?
Well, I for one have a lot of trouble saying No. I tend to associate it with being offensive, rude or impolite and many a time end up messed up because of just that. A family friend of mine came over and she was talking about the same sort of thing too... I think in some ways we all struggle with saying No in different situations and to different types of pressures.

But many a time, we need to say No. To protect ourselves sometimes if not for anything else - Just like Noddy did!

So this is a reminder to me and the world (including toy world!) – No is a small but powerful world. Use it when you should to yourself (when fighting temptation) and to others (when need arrises).

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Just as you say No, as so good Father should, Teach me to say No as a wise child should.

All The World Is A Stage

Quoting William Shakespeare, If all the world is a stage and we are the actors and actresses, then have you ever wondered who is the audience? Ever wondered if someone was watching you?

I for one believe with all my heart that there is an unseen world out there, watching our every move. Applauding our achievements, crying when we are hurt and cheering us on in the course of life.

So getting back to the question, Ever wondered if there is an audience out there, and if so who the audience is?
There are only two possible answers. Yes, there is and No, there isn’t. And the answer rests quite squarely on faith.

But think about it . . . if there is no one out there then, Life sure seems pretty pointless. But if there was, and that too an esteemed audience, I'll sure want to put the best show I can!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Glad I am being watched!

Phases Of Life

A good friend of mine and I were talking about the next phase in life over breakfast.

Almost every decade of our life comes with a lot of changes. The first ten, are the years of our childhood, the next ten is full of ups and downs as teenagers and then almost suddenly we reach adulthood... followed by marriage mostly, and then motherhood/fatherhood - okay, right now I can't think much beyond that, so I'll stop there! ;-)

I was expressing my apprehension about moving on to the next phase as I am just getting comfortable with this one!

But my friend had a diffrent perspective. She said something like, "Hey! Enjoy every phase, make the most of it while you are in it and keep moving on!"
I know it is true about her life. She makes the most of her everyday, living out her life, enjoying it all the while.

The conversation helped me see things in a different light. So to you who are reading this - Enjoy the phase you are in, whichever it might be, 'coz none is better than the other but they are all beautiful.

And my friend, if you ever read this, which i hope you would, Thank you! :-)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . You are the unseen person in every conversation and I bet you were listening to it all saying "Spot on!".

Time and Space

An interesting extract from a book I read . . .

"On the night of February 23, 1987, an astronomer in Chile observed with his naked eye the explosion of a distant Super Nova, a blast so powerful that it released as much energy in one second as our sun will release in 10 billion years. It was spectacular!

But did that event actually occur on February 23, 1987?

Only from the perspective of our planet. Actually the Super Nova exploded 170,000 years prior to our 1987, but the light generated by that far away event, traveling almost six trillion miles a year, took 170,000 years to reach our galaxy . . . "

It is a little mind blowing, to me. The extract defies my normal understanding of time which is limited by the perspective of our planet. (Think about it)But I let this limited perspective of mine, dictate my understanding o the universe, my understanding of life, and my understanding of God!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I sometimes limit you by my limited understanding. Try to put you in a box so to speak. It's awesome to remember that you are not limited by my limitations of you though.

'Nice, Nice'

My little niece who is almost two now is such a bundle of joy. She is an easy going child and can captivate any stranger with her big eyes and smile. We took her out to the beach for the first time. Intially I thought that she would be afraid of the waves. She is hardly two feet tall and the waves are much higher out here.

But Oh no! The minute her tiny feet hit the sand she ran towards the water and the next hour and half we spent in the sea playing! It was fun! Eveytime a wave hit the shore and covered her feet she broke into a loud laughter.

Little while later she discovered that sand + water = Mud, which is also equally exciting! So then we had mud puddle games and so on... till finally I had to wrap her in a towel and carry her out distracting her attention.

As we walked out she began to sing a little song. It's what she says when she likes something. It's a two little words chorus, two little words stanza and two little words song, sung by a two year old!
It's actualy quite easy to catch, and goes something like this... "Nice, Nice","Nice, Nice", "Nice, Nice" . . . Sung in a ding, dong kinda tune! LOL.

Well, I write songs too but I must tell you this : I put a lot of thought into it, play with the words till I confuse myself at times, trying to express the way I feel - She did not have any of those problems but expressed herself perfectly well!

Ah! Kids. Wish we could be like 'em sometimes. ;-)

Dear Mister God this is @ina talking . . . 'Nice, Nice'. Just felt like singing that to you!

When Good is'nt Wise

Ahem . . . I dunno if this is just me but I am hoping that someone who reads this will relate . . .

So I did this thing today. It was a *good* thing to do. No strings attached – Just a simple good deed, done out of a simple good motive. But only after doing it I realized, it was not exactly or perhaps not at all WISE.

I felt awful realizing that. Just awful.

That’s also because I take myself way too seriously and overreact but that apart, this has always been one of my biggest problems.

Knowing –
One, When is something that’s Good not Wise.
Two, When to do Good even if it is not wise, (like when you sometimes have to follow your heart and not your mind) and when not to.

There are times I jump into doing something Good, not thinking it over at all, like today and then I realize it isn’t wise. Sometimes I play it over in my mind so many times and then don’t do something Good even if I should have done it!

End Result: I feel awful.

Solution (?) : I don’t know if I’ll ever find one, because Life is about taking chances and doing things the best you know how. Full Stop.
Btw, I guess it will really help if I don’t take everything I do so seriously and in giving *Good* a chance – perhaps it’s better to do so more often than not, wise or unwise, for better or worse.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Which to do when (?), give me divine wisdom, dear God.

My Best Vs The Acclaimed Best

I along with others have been putting my effort into this something for awhile. Turns out however that we missed this tiny detail and yes, that detail was important and could have been avoided if we were a little more careful.
So we get told off! And sadly all the efforts put into it was not acclaimed as it should have been.

I guess it’s more or less a cliché circumstance in life.

So what do I do? Well, I get all upset, all unhappy and blame myself for being such a careless klutz, such a dunce, such a . . . All the while missing one tiny detail (again) - I’ve put in ‘My Best Efforts’.
Yes, it ain’t good enough but I believe it is reason to rejoice. Don’t you think so?

My best may not be, or may even never be the acclaimed best but all the same knowing I’m doing the best I can matters more, much more than the acclamation.

So Hey! I choose to be happy after all! :-)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Guess you are looking beyond the situation into my reaction. You know something you are right. That’s what matters more.

Finding the Best in the Worst

Things turned out all awfully wrong today, in something I am working with a team on. One after the other things began to fall apart and it was one of the longest and hardest days we have faced together. Just felt like the ‘worst’ had happened.

I'd rather not elaborate.

But through it all I have discovered something – It is in the ‘Worst’ circumstances do I discover the ‘Best’ both in myself and those around me.

It's true. It’s almost magical.

Just wanted to share!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Am grateful for it all. :-)

Ultimate Victory

Imagine . . .

I was amongst those witnessing the crucification of Jesus on that dark day.

There were a mob of people - tough looking men shouting harsh words, women crying and children running hither and thither. All their attention was on one man called 'The King of the Jews'.

I had been eagerly anticipating the coming King, waiting year after year for His reign and longing for the power of the promised messiah to be displayed among us like in the days of Moses. All the signs and miracles He had performed caused me to believe that Jesus was indeed the Messiah. I had come to love and adore Him.

Seeing Him being nailed to the cross now, however made me feel like a fool. My hopes were crushed. The person on whom we, I had pinned my expectations to change history forever had failed me miserably. The Man, who performed so many amazing signs and wonders in His lifetime, now refused to perform a miracle, and accepted his fate like a lamb.

All I could feel was defeat, darkness and a depression. And it lasted three loooooong days.

At the end of it however there broke a Son-Light like none other before or none other since. It made it all worth while.

I did not know back then that the plan of God was unveiling right there, in the midst of all of the confusion, agony and uproar. Apparent and utter defeat was all I could see; the world could see. But ultimate victory was His plan; His word.

I look at the cross and realize that sometimes God’s ways of working is contrary to what we think or expect. But as I keep flowing along I know I will be amazed as the days unfold.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . in eager anticipation of what is to come!

A Beautiful World

I spend most of my waking hours in the center of a bustling city, surrounded by high raised building, in air conditioned rooms. End result: I hardly get to see the sky or any greenery for that matter. :-(

But today was different! I spent the day from dawn to dusk around my home in the suburbs drinking in all that surrounded me. It was a cool day and the sights and sounds, simple everyday ones mind you – just seemed *so* special. I watered the plants around out house, did little chores such like and all the while there seemed so much to take in - the flowers and their colors, the leaves and their shapes, the little butterflies swarming over the lush grass, the cool breeze from the sea side that felt like a wet kiss, the trees swaying in a dance of their own, and oh! I even spotted one little bird I have never seen before . . . :-)
Gosh! I just couldn’t stop myself from saying WOW over and over again!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Wow! All nature declares of your beauty and if only I pay more attention I would be deafened by their sound of praise.

Have you ever met a Turtle?

The turtle is one of those timid creatures with a big, hard shell to shelter her from predators, weather changes and just about anything.

Yeah, the turtle often seems all set to slip into her shell, if ever she senses any danger or an uncomfortable situation nearing her or even at the slightest perception of what could be a threat.

She is comfortable with her own slow speed and slow ways and is thoughtful about everything and anything. She is not exactly adventurous and hardly tries out something that involves a bit of risk. She prefers to slide into her hard shell and pretend there is nothing wrong rather than facing something atypical.

Sounds, familiar?
A turtle is one who will change the subject if confronted about something, or say nothing at all, or jus accommodate with everything and anything to avoid a conflict or ignore things and hope they will disappear... silence perhaps is her safest defense mechanism.

In all fairness, it is her way of protecting herself and pretty effective too!
If you are wondering how I know so much about the turtle, it’s b’coz I see one every time I look into the mirror! ;-)

While the turtle remains in the confines of her protective shell, she misses out on being part of the lives (life) around her. Lives that she could have been enriched by and she could have helped enrich by just being rather than hiding. Now that’s something this turtle needs to remember!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Sometimes I feel I’m the wrong person at the wrong place but help me to remember I was put Here, Now for such a time as This, by You.

Dying without Doing

What’s that one thing that I would not want to die without doing?
Just felt like asking myself that question.
Hmmm...

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Lets rephrase: What’s that one thing that you would not want me to die without doing? :-)

Loosing Your Life and Finding Yourself

I was given a gift of a video called “Mama Heidi” recently by a good friend who recommended it as a Must-See. It’s a documentary of a Lady called Heidi who along with her husband moved to the Mozambique on hearing about the condition there after the Civil War ended. The conditions there were worsening and even the Red Cross trucks where not safe. But Heidi and her husband, decided to go there and work with the poor. They adopted a dilapidated orphanage and began caring for and serving the most forgotten children on the streets.

It’s a story that moves you to tears and leaves you amazed at the fact that this one woman has made a difference in so many, many young lives. As she talks about her experiences, her eyes radiate with a special joy and hope. It’s hard to describe.

Moving to the Mozambique meant a lot of sacrifices to this family. They have lost their dreams, hopes, desires, comfort and a lot more and traded it for a life lived in a hot sweaty, mosquito infested part of the world where often their lives are threatened at gun point. You need to be willing to loose your life to find it, she says. And these words have been playing in my mind ever since.

Sometimes we need to loose everything that means anything to us in order to find anything that means everything to us. Loosing your life and finding yourself I call it and I can’t help but think that what I find in the process will far outweigh what I loose.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . May my life be one such story.

My brother(?)

Recently I was reading a true story about an X and Y, whose names had not been revealed. Y was very mean to X and did some horrible things to X. As I was talking about this with a friend, my friend said “I wonder who Y is? If only I knew who Y was, I would have . . . (lets not mention the rest)”.In my heart I was in full agreement. Yeah… that’s exactly what I’d have done too given the opportunity!

Later the question came back to me . . . “I wonder who Y is?” And then suddenly I heard the answer in my heart so clearly - “Your brother!”
(??) I couldn’t accept that, given the nature of the story. But thinking about it I realized that it was true. In a strange way we are all “brothers’ n sisters” and yet I could never quite come to terms with being accepting of such a person. The thought itself was a little abhorring.

You know all those battles we fight in the name of religion or race or colour or creed - it just seems such a crime. But you know what's a bigger crime? Practicing those very thoughts in my own silent way, in my own little world, no matter how I may justify it.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . My brother, you say - I wish I could really see people the way you do.

The Cacti

Recently we had a new addition to the family of plants who live in our garden. This one looked much worse off than many others when they came in.
It's a thorny Cacti with its leaves all broken, obviously by passers by who where scraped by it perhaps. It looked tough and wild and probably has not seen water for a long time.

But it was taken into this garden with much pleasure and delight. Of all the plants that are treasured in the garden this one took a special position. It is loved by the keeper of the garden, my mum and cherished. Every bit of it - the thorns, the broken leaves, it is all accepted and admired!

Many a time when I walk through the garden I wonder what the keeper finds in these very plants that in my opinion are quite a nuisance and really are not very beautiful. I don’t understand it. I just have to take the words of the keeper when she says they are her prized possessions and that by the way she says every single day.
Hats off to her! :-)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I am grateful that you are my keeper.

What do you see?

In black you can read the word Good, while in white you can read the word Evil ! (inside each black letter is a white letter)

I guess it visualizes the concept that good can't exist without evil.
What say?

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I guess it’s the ‘evil’ in me that keeps the good growing within me. Stronger or weaker, is a choice I make!

Fun - Define it !

It's the weekend (finally) and the most common question I ask my friends is "So, what you doing this weekend?” And after a lil tête-à-tête on that we usually wind up with an "Okay... Have fun!”

Was going through one of those rituals when A, a friend of mine was describing A’s weekend plans, in other words what was *fun* for A when another friend B cut in claiming that A had no idea what fun was simply because the way B had *fun* was a whole lot different!

It was amusing but I could relate. It’s *fun*ny how sometimes 'My' way of defining/ having fun (or anything for that matter) can be *so* different from another’s. Like for some it’s fun to hang out in a mall while for others it’s sitting in the attic wrapped up in a book, for some it’s dabbling in fine arts and for some it’s climbing rocks...

And yet when I meet someone with entirely different tastes I either discredit them on the basis of that difference or I at times wish I *could* do that too, even if it isn’t my definition of fun, not quite realizing that.

What matters though I suppose is being able to both accept myself and others for our differences whatever they may be . . . after all the world will be too boring a place if we were all alike.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Wonder how you would define fun. (???)

It wasn’t for nothing

I offered to drop one of my friends at the bus stop today. It’s on my way home and so she agreed quite happily. We had hardly driven a mile when my vehicle began to give us some trouble. It just suddenly went dead. This has almost never happened before and I was a little puzzled. We struggled for awhile trying to get it started and then again, just as suddenly it roared back to life and we where on our way! We made it to the Bus Stop in the nick of time and she boarded the bus.

Driving back home, wondering about the strange way my vehicle gave trouble, it just dawned on me that It wasn’t for nothing. A little earlier or later and we could have headed in another direction as she was unsure of which bus she would be taking and so we would have missed the bus completely. It was perfect timing.
And must add, was made possible because of the struggle with my vehicle!

I was not too happy about the trouble with the vehicle, it even briefly gave me signs of life and went dead again causing me to despair. I really could not *see* how any good could come out of it but good did come of it.

It’s the same in life too. That tear, that weary work, or that lost dream, that hidden hope, or that risk I took that went badly wrong or that friend who hurt me or simply that dull day. . . Whatever it is - It wasn’t for nothing. I don’t think God allows anything for nothing. Instead he works in it *all*, and I mean *all*, to bring about something beautiful in me and through me.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Perhaps it’s the tests and tough times that I want to forget and would rather not experience that really keep me on track and make me a tool of blessing.

Taking a break

Since my last post, something went seriously wrong with my PC and I found myself disconnected from the world. It’s taken me an unreasonably long time to get things together again but I couldn’t help it.

I’m so glad to be able to sit back in my chair again and get things done with a couple of clicks. We are a spoiled lot! :-)

I think I’ve got so used to reflecting and writing, it felt weird not to be posting for awhile. But then again taking a break is nice in its own way too. Somehow you value things more when you are not doing/ having them than when you do.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . So glad to be doing just this. Wish I did all I do, like so.

Disappointment with Me

That’s exactly how I feel, and it feels awful!! :-/
Let me backtrack . . .
I made this dumb mistake. Only the dumbness in my mistake appalled even me! It wasn’t too big a deal but I just couldn’t get over it. ‘How could you?’ I found myself yelling at myself and that was followed by a torrent of self rebukes (#%&*#$) that are censored as they are not to be spoken aloud.

The situation did not involve others (Thank God) and was more something I was personally disappointed about coz I had fallen short of my own expectations.
Bingo! (This is it)
Ouch! It hurts. And worse till I found myself trapped in this accused-guilty-condemned circle where I have butchered myself.
*sigh*

I was chatting with this friend of mine hitting around the subject of my disappointment. She is quite unlike me and so I was kinda shocked when she echoed the very same feelings I had regarding a parallel issue! We laughed together at ourselves and it sure helped to know I was not alone coz it felt like I was.
:-)

Still, I have to say it’s rather hard to see past these feelings. But even as I type I feel like I *can* laugh at myself. It’s okay I guess to be Disappointed with Me. It really is.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . You know something, I think you are laughing too. No matter what, I just can’t disappoint you. You know me with *all* my flaws and you even take delight in me just the way I am - Perhaps I should too.

Change

There have been some changes in my otherwise monotonous life. I can’t exactly call them big changes but they are sort of big in my mind. You see, I’m not exactly change savvy. Especially if that change involves interacting with a whole lot of new people.
I wish, really wish I was more ‘okay’ with change but it’s hard. It takes time and a lot of self-coaxing to get myself out of my foolish self-pity at having to face change.

Anyway, it just got me thinking of a few other circumstances in the life of my family and friends over this week. A close relative of mine had a major surgery, a friend of mine lost a dear family member . . . I can’t even compare these situations to the one I’m in, ever.
However it just helped me to look beyond myself and appreciate the gifts in my life and overlook the tiny-winy things that I tend worry about and whine about.
'Grow up!' I hear myself say.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Change, I guess is your tool to help expand my heart, widen my mind and grow in my spirit. Help me, be a sport.

Quote

There are only two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as if everything is.
~Albert Einstein

Just thought it was worth posting. Any comments?

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . If there are only two ways, I wonder which one I’m on, coz I tend to settle for the *grey* when there really isn’t a grey way!

A glimpse into a Dads Heart

Recently I was caught unexpectedly in a special moment that lasted briefly but had an impact on me.

I got to watch a Dad, walk his son through an admission process for education. Dad held on to a file full of papers, cautiously looking through them time and again. I could see the pain and pressure in his face, and it seemed like he himself was going through the rigid process. He stood by his son all through, patiently, supportively and seemingly willing to sacrifice all to see his son's long term happiness.

It brought back scores of such like 'Dad Moments' in my life when I have been overwhelmed by my Dad’s concern and care. But I did not know it then. (Neither did the son I was taking about) I misunderstood him, disrespected him, acted like I was embarrassed of him, shunned him…the list is long and I'd really rather not talk about it.

But something of that moment has changed something within me. I felt like for a moment I was swapped into the heart of that Dad. I could literally feel what he was feeling. And it felt so entirely different. I have never seen things from 'Dads' shoes. The only way I saw things was through 'my' shoes and so this was *so* weird in some ways.

If I knew Dad’s heart better, I bet there are a lot of things I'd do diffrently. But all said and done once the moment passes it's hard to hold on to the lesson.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Kinda a peek into your heart too, ain't it? Just a glimpse and I am awed.

You and I

I spent about an hour today rummaging through my mails and notes I have sent and received from friends over the years. I was left me with a myriad of emotions, as each one told of a time and place in my life that was quite unique and special and in some ways almost forgotten.

In it, I found this piece of poetry, called ‘You and I’, that I had written some years ago to a dear friend of mine. Just felt it captures many of those memories I was talking about . . .

Friendship is not a word to us, it’s a world;
A place we can run to, it’s always there;
Built with time and the fondest memories, it’s forever;

Time together is like a cascading waterfall, full of life;
Moments apart are not painful but shared;
Changes with time & tide are faced and accepted;

We don’t know all the steps of life but learn together;
We were always meant to be and will remain;
And together celebrate the gift of life, it’s our world;

We have no obligations to one another yet choose to be there;
We stand together and work towards our dreams;
Sharing mutually in our feelings, we learn to look deeper;

Everyday is a new adventure, bringing out the best in us;
Every hope is a new beginning of possibilities yet to come;
Every breath is a new promise of companionship and strength;

Today is all that matters the time we have now;
Yesterday has gone by, it’s a memory;
Tomorrow you might not be there that’s life;

But friendship is something that lasts, it’s forever;
So hey! Let’s play this game together, its fun;
You and I drifting together, its destiny.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Something I see so consistently through the years is that you are there, every step of the way, it’s been You and I and that gives me the courage to go on. I’m so glad and grateful.

Loving the Unlovely

I just happened to see this phrase in a book today. It caught my attention for two reasons.
One, when I think of love, I think mostly of the best in human nature and
Two, when I think of love, I think of the people I gel with really well.

It's never quite occurred to me to think of much else. Loving however in this context is about, loving the lovely... the things I admire and enjoy.

But Love, in its true sense I guess digs much deeper. Love, loves the unlovely. The things about people that are perhaps quite annoying, or the habits that are not necessarily pleasant or the little idiosyncrasies associates with each person . . . in general, the unlovely side. The side that’s not exactly attractive or charming.

Probably that’s what real love is about. Not only delighting in the *lovely* but also accepting of the *unlovely*.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . That’s perhaps the reason for your enduring love for me.

Love

“And now I will show you the most excellent way . . .

Love is patient; Love is kind;
Love does not envy and is not boastful;
Love is not proud or rude;
Love is not self-seeking;
Love is not easily angered, irritable or resentful;
Love keeps no record of wrongs;
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth;
Love always protects;
Love always trusts;
Love always hopes;
Love always preserves;
Love never fails. "

I Corinthians 13:4-8

This is one of my all time favorite passages. Just seemed apt to post it today! ;-)

It reminds me that I have miles to go in learning to love, meanwhile I’m happy to love the best I know how.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Celebrating Love ~ Celebrating You.

Just Enjoying Life

A few pics from our garden, my Mom’s pride and joy . . .
:-)

I’ve discovered I’m just *so* happy living my everyday life. I like it that way. It’s what I feel most fulfilled doing!
So this is just a buzz to enjoy life ~ plain, simple, ordinary life.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . The reason I live is to worship you and there is no way I can do that better than by just enjoying life, just the way it is.