The God who cares for my well-being -

As a busy st home mom of three, I have been putting away self-care for a while and by that I mean on most days you will find me with my hair in a bun looking quite unkempt. I have had wise family remind me of the value of exercise, eating healthy, and generally making a habit of caring for oneself and often just ignored it or tried, only to fall back into my old habits.

About a week ago, I made a good choice and asked God to help me discipline myself to do these very things I have been putting away for so long. To my surprise, I would feel prompted to eat on time, eat healthy... little things like that, that go a long way. And it was always one small doable thing at a time. 

After a conversation with a friend, I decided I needed to update my everyday makeup like a moisturizer for the face, a good lip balm to protect those notoriously cracked lips in the Canadian cold, etc.  With covid and online shopping becoming almost an escapism I took to amazon and read reviews to decide which brands and what I wanted. I decided though to pick them up from the store as I like to see what I am paying for and I dislike returns. My one-year-old and I usually do the "essential" shopping like groceries, and I have not browsed the make-up isles in a while but this morning I felt that nudge again, packed her up, and off we went! We dropped the older ones at school and headed to the stores. I had the most unbelievably quiet morning with the little one watching as I took my time in the isles and found the things I was looking for on sale, for prices I was actually willing to pay! On our way back, the baby actually slept (something she rarely does on the car seat) and I rejoiced in my "finds" and "sales"!

One small decision in the right direction, one small nudge at a time, and then unexpected surprises along the way (I like to call them God Hugs) humble my heart with awe for a God who truly cares for my well-being.

 The God who embraces my mess -

2021! It is a significant year to step into - The world seems to have changed forever. The ups and downs, the mess and mayhem, the clutter of life, the clouds of delusion marked with moments of clarity are how I would describe most of 2020. I ended the year feeling inadequate, week, worn, and found myself penning on my journal - We begin 2021 coming before God empty, broken, and with nothing to give. It's a great place to start! Thank you, Jesus.

You see, with little children I have learned how quickly things can fall apart. One of my little ones and I have three under 7,  can quite easily become a little bundle of BIG emotions. It's messy and sometimes I do not want to embrace the little emotional bundle. BUT GOD embraces me in my mess and has been challenging me to not view big emotions as the thing that wrecked my day, spoiled my plans, caused me embarrassment, or cannot be tolerated and instead to embrace, accept, acknowledge and adapt. 

I realize that I am always working towards "Having it all together" which to me means no messes, no tears, no failures, no tantrums, no criticism, no complaints, no arguments... but God does not ask us to strive towards a mess-free life instead he calls us to constantly keep loving in mess. The very things I shun are actually good for my soul. I have had to therefore redefine my desire for my days from having it all together to leaning (inwardly on my savior), listening (to every voice in my life), and learning. I try less and strive less. I laugh more and trust more.

So, if there is one thing that has become very evident to me in 2020 it is that God does not shun my mess, instead, he welcomes it with open arms. His everlasting arms are always ready to embrace my broken dreams, desires, hopes, and broken me. His neverending love is always willing to envelop my failures, regrets, doubts that drain the life out of me. His father's heart is able to redeem even the messiest mess and draws towards me in my darkness with the light of life.  

He is the God who embraces my mess and cheers me on !