My Year End Post

An old friend called me today and we got talking about the year that has gone by. X was keen to know what I had been doing out of the normal this year… The extra curricular things, the adventures, the first timers, the new experiences, the things that I did despite the odds…

X really got me thinking and inspired!

Truth is this year has been adventurous and rewarding in many ways. I challenged myself to take up new experiences and my diary is dotted with things I did for the first time all through this year. Also, this time last year I know I was so worried about loosing friends whose companionship I enjoyed so much. One of the most memorable things about this year however has been learning to let go of some of the people I loved and finding I’m surrounded by people I have fallen in love with.

Looking back I can only smile. =)

Picking of where 2007 winds up here’s my toast to the New Year: May it be an extraordinary year – Lets not settle for the ordinary but go the extra mile to make it extraordinary in every way!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . It’s been an amazing year filled with amazing people and shaped by an amazing God. Thank you!

A Window

Recently I moved to a new place at work. My desk is right between two French windows on the sixth floor.

I’ve been so excited! The light from the window is so much better than the artificial lights I am used to. Through the window I can see a garden at the center surrounded by a couple of other buildings that are still coming up. On a rainy day I can hear the pitter patter of the rain and the drops that settle on the window look so beautiful. It’s on the west and on a sunny day around 3 pm the warm rays of the sun bathe my place a golden shade. By 5 if it’s a clear sky I can see the fiery red ball bid me farewell as he slips away for a well earned nights rest and the sky turns dark red to black till I just have to wind up my work and leave for the day.

At times I sit on the window sill and chat with friends or simply take a break and stare out. It’s amazing how much pleasure this window gives me!

I guess there are something’s in life that no matter how many times you experience the feeling of awe remains – Like watching the sunrise or sunset, the moon and the stars, a rainbow, the sea, a fountain, flowers, the sky, street lights on a never ending road, streams, rocks, a laughing baby…

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I am your spoilt child!

A Quiet Morning

Mum loves gardening and she uses logs, stones and shells to make pots that are beautifully decorated. Last evening she found a hollow piece of log on the beach that would make a beautiful pot but could not carry it home.

So this morning Mum and I woke up early and drove to the beach with our dog. It was a misty morning and we thought that we would probably not get to see the sun rise.

The beach was lonely and calm. The only sound we could hear was the gentle lapping of the waves on the shore. It was blissful. We walked a few yards before we came across the log that mom wanted. Sure enough it was a masterpiece, ravaged by the wind and the water yet perfectly suited for our purpose. We picked it up joyfully!

The sun was not yet out but a mass of clouds hovering over the horizon seemed to be hiding it. However as though just to delight us the loners on the beach the sun a perfectly round orange ball decided to slowly peek out in all its glory over the calm sea. A small fishing boat was right in the center of it and the clouds around it turned pink with a silver trimming. Spellbound we watched as the sun paraded for us. It was the most beautiful sun rise I have witnessed so far.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . .Oooo!

Trying to define Love

This time of the season always makes me think of love. And like so many I try to define it, explain it or reason it. After meandering through many memories, thoughts, opinions I have heard and experiences I have had here is my latest perception…

Love appreciates the small things about you that others never care to notice and brings out the best in you so naturally. Love makes you *feel* beautiful without even realizing it!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I guess the real mirror is found in the eyes of those who love us.

The three boxes

My friend and I were having a conversation today that I really enjoyed. X has had a lot of changes over the last couple of months and is just settling down… making new friends, and learning how things work in the place X is in etc. One of the first hardest battles X is facing is knowing when to be yourself and when to tone down and be something your not just so that X does not stand out.

Know what I mean?

We all live in three boxes. Let’s call one True Colors, the second Others Voices and the third Projected Colors. One is our very own thinking box. Two is when we know our thinking box would not do so try to think through “everyone else’s” perspective. And three is who we are to the outside world.

The further one and three go the more uncomfortable we get. The closer one and three are the happier we tend to be with ourselves. But all this depends on box two. My friends question was box two cannot be ignored and may often help you be wise but sometimes can simply confuse you. So when do you listen to box two and when do you not?

Hmmm… Not a simple question. And I did not have the answer. All I could say was I knew that X was not the same person I knew and to be completely honest I missed the real X. Truth is X’s real self was not widely appreciated and I could understand the ups and downs that X was going through but given a choice I would fight to help X be all that box one demands X to be without a second thought.

All said and done, Do I live by box one afterall?

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I’m sure your busy fighting for the same too in many lives including mine!

An Unexpected Response

I lost my cool yesterday and I was so upset about that. Thankfully I did not use words that I was not supposed to use but I still said things in a tone that I was not suppose to use.

I had a rather brilliant day which was dampened by this unexpected explosion of mine. The calm voice within me tried to tell me its okay but I just was not okay with me. I knew the situation could have been handled by motivating but I handled it by reprimanding. I felt it was too early to reprimand.

Today however I had decided to pep talk the people involved and make things better. I was sure that the damage had been done though and could see no way in which things could be better.

Why do I call this post - an unexpected response?

Well because of the three people involved one came up to me and said ‘Since yesterday you have become my role model!’

There is no conclusion to this post. Just a thought – The very action that I felt made me fall from being a role model actually made me one!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . It’s not a parallel but reminds me of your principles – give to receive, loose to win, serve to lead, die to live.

Humbled

Am humbled by people who I once closed the doors of my heart and mind to and have later fond that they have earned my admiration, respect and love despite my blinkered perception of them

Am humbled by people who choose to remain passionate about their dreams in life despite their circumstances while I have let life take a toll on mine

Am humbled by people whose vast experiences astound me and make me realize that I’ve still tasted just a morsel of life

Am humbled by people whose knowledge of a subject is so profound that next to them I feel so small

Am humbled by people who have stood the test of time and still stand strong and tall while I murmur about the slightest discomfort

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Perhaps the best position to be in is to be humbled.

Just Enough

Isn’t it great when you have just enough…

Time to talk to that one person who needed your time
Money to pay that bill you did not expect
Space to jam one more person into your car
Food to serve an extra guest
Joy within you to make another person laugh
Experiences to be of help to some one else
Patience to keep that relationship working
& so on….

Well I had a just enough experience today that filled my heart with gladness!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Thank you for just enough - down to the last dime!

Hmmm…

There are something’s that must be never uttered to anyone.

There are something’s that must be whispered from ear to ear.

There are something’s that must be spoken in quiet tones.

There are something’s that must be said on a one to one basis.

There are something’s that must be shouted so all can hear.

If you know which to do when you have learnt an aspect of being gracious; and if you don’t others and you may get hurt.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Having said that, I guess the motive behind the course of action I take matters more! Hmmm…

Retrospection

Been awhile since we did a word study so here goes…

Retrospection: Looking back on a past situation.

When I look back on this blog I know most of it is about retrospection and some of it is about storing a memory so I can go back to it when I want to.

Retrospection is not just a pass time for me it is something I enjoy doing. At times it leaves me embarrassed, unhappy or confused and other times it makes me smile to myself or laugh out loud at myself!

All said and done lately retrospection has become an important aspect of my life because the decisions I make, and the things I say and do impact a few other lives entwined with mine in ways more obvious than otherwise. Sometimes no matter what I do or how I do it I’m still wondering if I did the right thing or if I should have done it differently. At times I am fed up with me and my effort to critically examine myself.

But I realized something lately: What separates the good from the great is that the good settle down but the great make a conscious effort to push oneself, to change oneself, and to challenge oneself into something more; And over the years and I mean years, somewhere along the line that someone makes that transition from being good to being great.

And someday I want to be that someone.

To my readers,

As of today, it’s been two years since I started this blog! Never thought we will share such a long journey together. Thank you for all the support and the encouragement. =)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Heres to the journey so far and a new year of blogging!

Acceptance

It doesn’t matter
What you do or
Where you are from;
What color you are or
What culture you belong to;
What your likes are or
What your dislikes are;
What your habits are or
What qualities you possess;
What opinions you have or
What ideologies you follow;
What you have done in the past or
What you hope to be in the future;
What your darkest secrets are or
What your deepest hopes may be;
All that is you I embrace.
That’s the true meaning of acceptance.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . There is one place I’ve found it; That is in you.

A Life Lesson

Just because situations are a certain way you should not let that affect you. It's important to be the best 'You' that you can be despite circumstances.

X said those words to me recently and it made so much sense.

I’d rather not go into the background of this situation but it has been something that I have been struggling with for awhile now and something that has caused me a lot of frustration simply because I feel things could be a lot better and I just did not want to settle for mediocre.

X words were said at a very apt time when finally I have given into circumstances and decided to be one of the many but am just not happy.

Infact, I have been trying hard to tell myself the exact same thing in N different ways and it just would not sink in. Hearing it from another voice just made something click somewhere within me.

Know what I mean? I have been frustrated and upset about a bunch of silly things and just having X speak those words into my life actually helped me finally "get over" things!

Am posting it so I’ll never forget. I think it’s one of the best lessons to learn in life.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I am awed at the fact that an apt word at the right time can mean so much. May my words be so too.

Time Out

I had a simply beautiful day. I went out with my team mates and friends today. We decided to take half the day off and drove across the city to the outskirts. We had a late lunch at a beautiful restaurant set on the coast. It was the perfect place to rest on a hot and sunny day.

We found ourselves a nice little straw hut sort of like a tree house. Around us was a lawn across which ran a little artificial stream with ducks swimming in it.

The food was good and we enjoyed the meal. Between we played a few games with each other and really got talking and laughing. Every moment was so special.

After which we went to the beach and strolled on the sand with the setting sun on one side and the blue sea stretching endlessly on the other.

The best part was we had not planned this day out and I was quite worried if we would really enjoy the day… All of us ended up having more fun that we ever expected!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I guess sometimes we just got to just trust you and take life as it comes… We might find it much more fun than we expect it to be!

Things that can make my day

All through this month I have been amused by how the smallest of things can make my day. I call them life’s little surprises!

Waking up to the song of birds.
Drawing the curtains to find my room flooded with the suns rays.
Watching the squirrels play on the bark of a tree.
Listening to the sound of water flowing.
Feeling the breeze in my hair.
Watching the sun gently slip beyond the horizon in a red sea.
Looking at the glow around the moon.
Rumbling of thunder at a distance.
Lightening that splits the sky in two.
Getting caught in an unexpected drizzle.
Feeling the strong winds ahead of a storm.
Catching a cloud drifting aimlessly.
Watching dark clouds slowly make their way towards me.
Seeing an eagle swiftly soar.
Hearing an old tune I loved to listen to.
Seeing a shooting star.
Finding a treasure I thought I had lost.
A call from a friend I have not heard from for long.
Receiving a parcel, a gift I did not expect.
Being hugged by a child.
Finding a chocolate in my refrigerator.
Bumping into someone who always made me laugh.
Getting a book I was looking for.
A smile from someone I have admired.
A wet kiss from my pet.
News from close ones in a distant place.
Finding an old photograph in my shelf.
Coming home to my favorite meal.
A beautiful dream.
Reading something that was just so apt for my situation.
Hearing words I wished someone will tell me.
Turning the TV on and finding my favorite show is on.
A beautiful old tree on an otherwise crowded road.
The signals turning green as I reach the crossroads.
A funny hoarding in a traffic jam.
A twinkle of the eye from a friend.
Hearing someone say "Bless you" when I sneeze.
A rainbow.
A stranger who is so obliging to my need.
Someone who turns up just when I need them.
A tree full of flowers.
The sight of migrating birds.
Dew on the blades of green grass.
The smell of sand after a heavy rain.
The quite feeling of knowing God.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . :)

A thought for the month

I have not spent any time reflecting lately. I just have had no time to think or feel. I am not sure if I am making sense here but it’s been like I am barely living. I have had so much to do at work that all I am thinking of, all I am doing is work. So much so that I have become like a machine….!

At the end of the month I look back and try to recollect a few cherished moments, a few people who I got to spend time with, a few things that made me smile perhaps and you know something…I actually find it hard!

I can’t keep doing this. I promise myself I shall not.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Am lost. Please find me.

The Feeling

I am not sure if this is true for everyone but I remember a feeling much better and clearer than I remember something I see.

For example, if you ask me do you remember so and so…. If I have never interacted with them then the chances of me saying yes are reduced by about 99% and if I had interacted with them but did not know them that well, chances are slightly better… But I would still recollect some moment with them but not essentially their appearance etc. And if did know them then I still find that the first thing I remember is the way they made me feel around them rather than anything else.

It’s amusing I guess – The way people make me feel or the way I feel around a person means much more than a lot of other things and is also the way I would probably remember them or in turn be remembered.

Hmmm…definitely worth a thought.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . No wonder I love to linger around you.

I’m Scared!

My little niece who is three has this amusing way of saying “I’m scared!” whenever she faces a new situation, or a new sound or a new person or sometimes a piece of ginger on the table! :)

We laugh at her times saying she is just being silly!

I was surprised to find myself recently saying to myself - “I’m scared!”
The first time I heard myself I chuckled. But soon I realized it was no laughing matter… I am scared!!

At heart I felt just like my little girl. No matter how much I saw of the world it always surprises me. New situations always make me feel like a fish out of water, and new sounds make me jump… a new person is a whole lot more complicated and yeah… sometimes something as small and harmless looking as a piece of ginger on the table can trigger a avalanche within.

Silly is it? I don’t think so… ;)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I’m scared. Help me through this stuff dear God.

Being Honest

Hypothetical Situation: X opens up and tells Y something that is personal. Y reacts immediately and makes a sweeping statement about X that is critical. X shuts up immediately and something X would have liked to share with Y will never be revealed to Y. X will also think twice before sharing anything with Y again. Y on the other hand probably does not even know about the effect the statement had on X.

Ever been X or Y?

My best friend and I were talking about such a circumstance and she wanted to know how I would react.

Hypothetically I replied saying I may well have been surprised and let my displeasure known before I could have thought it over just as Y did.

We went on to talk about how if only Y would have respected X and what X had to say, patiently listened, agreed if need be and heard X out things could have been drastically different. Y would now have earned the confidence of X and better still X and Y would have together peeled of another one of those masks we hide behind and would have had a chance to really know each other.

As we talked on I could relate X and Y to so many situations in my life and people I have met. It is painful to not be able to share something about yourself with someone you love for fear of being judged and on the contrary it is blissful to be able to share something about yourself and be understood.

I wonder how many times I have been Y and how many times I have missed the chance to know X a little better. I remember the many times I have been X and the hurt that Y caused me. I choose to learn to be open and honest despite the odds cause I guess it’s better to be loved by some*one* for who you are than everybody for what you are not.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I need your help with this… Honest!

An Epic

A year long epic comes to an end today. I stand here with mixed feelings doing something I love to do - reflecting.

We started this as a small pioneering team. Stepping out into something that promised to be different; I still remember the day I was asked to be part of it. Reluctantly I agreed little knowing what I was taking on.

In the weeks that followed there was so much to do I hardly had any time to think. There were times I wondered if what I did made any difference; Times I wished I could just escape from it all; Times I was just so worried if was all going to work out okay;

I remember standing in church my heart lifted up to the one person who could understand me fully asking for the strength to go on…

But has the time went by we became one big happy extended family. I would call it some of the best days of my life as we learnt to laugh, share, and enjoy ordinary everyday life and take it as it comes.

The happy family however did not last for long. Each one had to move on due to personal reasons to other places and I found myself standing all alone smitten by the desire to walk away too. But deep within I heard that all too familiar voice say “stay”. And stay I did so the epic did not end there. Joined by some fresh new faces the story went on as we wrote it day by day.

Today we stand at the last page. None of the ones who were there when the first page was written are now here with me except one. But as I skip though the pages as I am doing now I find so many characters larger than life, who have helped paint every word on every page. I see my own character so changed and transformed.

I can’t help smiling and sighing as I write “The End”.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . What’s next I wonder. I feel a knot inside me at the thought of moving on but I know I must. Give me the strength to go on…

My Nephew

For the first time in my life I got to spend a day with a little 5 year old boy, my nephew, who I was meeting for the first time. Most of my interaction by chance has always been with little girls and I love to spend time with them.

But little boys scarred me! I just imagined them to be rough and tough and felt they would probably hate me! Weird, eh?

My nephew proved me wrong.

For no reason at all, and I must say again for no reason at all this little boy took to me. He just fell in love with me the minute I walked into his house. We talked and soon I was his playmate. We played with his cars, ships and building blocks. His favorite game was dinosaurs! We had a whole range of pretend dinosaurs who were being born, eating each other up and being born again… Soon my hair clips where also included in the family of dinos! :)

Gently he hit me, playfully. I smiled at him and he said “I am gentle with you because you are so gentle with me…!” ;)

Holding hands we went to sleep that night. I had to leave early the next morning and could not say good bye so I just left a little note with a chocolate to tell him how much fun I had with him.

He showered me with his affection and made me feel rather special just to be loved for no reason at all. Five year olds…! Wish we could love like them.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . No wonder you said we need to be like a child at heart.

Andrew

My family and I went out for a holiday last weekend. This post is about a person we met and grew to love and respect in a short time – Andrew.

Andrew is my brother’s cab driver. He picked us up late on Friday night and we made our way to the hotel. Andrew greeted us cheerfully and we planned our next day with him. He was going to take us to tourist place a few hours away for the whole day.

The next day Andrew came early in the morning. He greeted us again with that same cheer. He drove us to a place for breakfast and from then on he drove us over 300 kilometers, stopping by at all the places of interest. He took us around, helped us take pictures, showed us the places and was the best guide we could have got.

What was so amazing about Andrew is that he went above and beyond the call of duty and served us with cheerfulness and warmth. He was a cab driver who did his work with a 110% and took pride in doing it to his best. He did all that he did sacrificially, going the extra mile for us consistently.

We knew at the end of the weekend, Andrew was the reason we had such a good time.

So this is to Andrew, an unsung hero in his own realm and a person who has left lasting footprints in my life.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Teach me to go the extra mile as Andrew did with grace.

Gods Surprises

This morning my daily reading ended with the following thought: Has God ever surprised you? I smiled and could recollect a number of things that God has done in my life that come as surprises... I closed my book and forgot about it as I began to get ready for work.

My dad has this wonderful was of taking care of my vehicle. He makes sure I have enough petrol and my tires our fine every single day. I never bother about my vehicle because Dad takes care of it all so perfectly.

This week however Dad has been busier than usual. I drove off this morning little realizing that Dad had missed his regular inspection.

A few kilometers from my home my vehicle began to choke and struggle. I looked down at my fuel indicator and it said empty!!! I looked up and I could see a petrol bunk a couple of blocks away. My vehicle grumbled and made it all the way to the bunk. Just at the entrance it finally gave up but rolled smoothly right next to a petrol gauge!

It was amazing. The next bunk is about twelve kilometers away and if I had missed this one I would have been badly stuck on the road.

The words “Had God surprised you?” echoed in my mind. He sure has!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . You are exciting! :)

Keep Dreaming

What do you do when a dream you dreamed goes wrong or just does not work out?

You dream a bigger dream!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Give me the courage to keep dreaming.

Appreciation

Appreciation is one of the words I love in the English language simply because it opens one to a world of positive possibilities.

Know what I mean?

Appreciation can be made known in a zillion different ways. A simple nod, a look in the eye, a smile, shaking hands, a hug, by the use of words simple or poetic, gifts …

This morning I expected to be hear the words "Good work". Yeah, I know it’s not good to have such expectations but this I told myself was an exception.

I was disappointed.

It’s a hard confession to make because I always thought I was mature enough to handle such disappointment with a smile!

Anyway by the end of the day I also had to say goodbye to a friend who was moving on. As she bid farewell, her eyes filled with tears while repeatedly talking about a card another friend and I had given her on her birthday. I faintly remember writing a long note on the back and her tears said how much it meant to her. Honestly I never thought it could mean so much.

There is a time and a moment for everything and so also with appreciation. An opportunity once missed it may never come back and once given, there’s no telling how much it could mean.

As I write this I make a silent vow to myself to never miss up such an opportunity. Join me? :)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . .”Good Work”, I hear you whisper in my ear.

I want to reach the sky!

I spent the afternoon with my niece who’s just turned three.

She sat on my tummy as we lazed on a deck chair and played silly games for hours together laughing and tickling each other. After a while we went for a walk, her little hands held on to mine and once again we played funny games with each other. Suddenly she stopped me and said “I want to reach the sky”. She simply meant she wanted me to throw her up in the air and catch her which i gladly did! : )

My favorite game of the evening was: She would walk a few steps away and come running back and fling herself at me in one big bear hug after which I would pick her up and twirl her around and set her down only to repeat it all over again!

I realized something as I said goodbye to her when it was time for her to go home. With her big eyes, the things she said, the way she smiled and the things she did, she absolutely made sure that I could think of nothing else but her every moment that I spent with her!

Actually felt so good to take my mind off my life and everything about me and be lost in my little niece’s world. Thank you darl. In a way I reached the sky too.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I guess sometimes reaching up to the sky is actually a lot simpler than we imagine it to be. ; )

Musing Aloud

Why is it that the people we love the most are also the ones we hurt the most?

This thought has been ringing within me for awhile now. I realize I go out into the world each day and try to be the best me I can be. But at the end of the day many a time there’s that pent up frustration, disappointments, or displeasure that I cannot afford to let out through the day. They can be personal failures, or things that perhaps did not work out well or something like that.

I come home and I know this is my safety net. This is the place where I can be the plain me. No dressing up around here. I can afford to loose my calm. I can let them know if I am upset about something. And yes at times I do hurt the ones I love and care for the most, when I do.

But something Mum used to say comes to my mind…”Home is the kind of place where any of us can let out a bit of steam and still be loved not despite of it but for it too!” : )

I guess that’s the most awesome feeling of comfort you get with the people you love most. They love you for all that you are not despite all that you are and so even the hurtful side finds a place to hide in their love.

Like I said just musing aloud…

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I find my hiding place, my resting place in your Love.

Stepping Out

When you step out,
You make a few enemies,
You make a few friends,
And between you discover your wings.

These lines popped into my head while I was thinking about some experiences. Just felt like sharing them with the world.

To all of you out there: No matter how hard it is, take a chance and step out. Never miss out on the chance to do something different or try something new or just be radical.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . As I take each step, tough as it might seem at times, I pray you guide me.

To Mom

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

There is no life, no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But then you come, and I am filled with wonder;
Sometimes I think, I glimpse eternity.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up mum... To more than I can be.I love you. Happy Birthday!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Thank you for mum, the most beautiful woman in the world.

Interacting with People of Power

Today I had a unique opportunity to interact with some people of power.

First, there was X, who I interacted with only through mail. X had taken notice of a mighty small detail and took the time to talk about it and make things easier or better. It left me stunned for two reasons: The fact that a person of power could empathize with me and the fact that a person of power took the time to change things around as insignificant as that might be from X’s position.

Then, there was Y. Interacting with Y was indeed a rare privilege. Y put away pressing meetings, an already overloaded schedule just to make it to this rather trivial appointment. We were discussing a looming possibly difficult event that may soon take place but Y’s perception amazed me. To Y it was simply an opportunity to pioneer something never done before. “Yes we might fail" Y added “but hey! At least we tried.” The other thing that amazed me was that Y was extremely magnanimous. In my mind I felt that the way a few things were done was so unfair but Y chose to overlook it with a smile.

And then there is Z who is also a person in power, I admire a great deal and have the chance to interact with quite frequently. Z is a person whose principles and priorities amaze me since they have stood the test of time and pressure. I have always thought you need to be *someone* to make a difference but Z taught me that you just need to have a simple dream and follow after it one step at a time to make a difference.

I realized that my initial perceptions of power as proclaimed in my previous post may not be all that warranted.

Power mostly leads to one being unduly criticized, grossly misunderstood and most of the time taking chances with things that one is never really sure about. Plus the outcome of one’s decisions may well have many people’s lives at stake and so it’s rather a hot seat to be in.

But Power does gives you the highest privilege of all: To touch and transform lives in ways both great and small in a scale that is not determined by the power at hand but rather by the person whose hand power lies in.

To the people in power, I salute you. To the ones who are not, we still have the privilege to touch and transform lives by the power within.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Bless the people in power.

Power

The word *power* tends to stir a sense of fear in my heart. It’s not a word I am very comfortable with especially when it concerns me…In the sense that, I’d rather not meddle with *power*.

Power gives one the ability to make decisions for others. It strengthens you to go where no one else dares to go. Power can drive you further than you are supposed to go. It can draw you into unexpected and unwarranted circumstances. Power can bring out the worst in you. It can make the most humble of beings loose perspective. Power can make you tough. It can make you blind to the obvious.

I was lost in such mid morning musings today. I realized that power is dangerous especially when it is given to you when you are not prepared to handle it. But I also realized something else. Power has another side to it - Potential.

The potential to make things better. To change things in a positive way. To make reality possibilities that could only be hoped and dreamed of by some others.

Power is a responsibility that often is entrusted to individuals after much debate. Some squander it, some misuse it, some do nothing with it and still others use it sparingly.

I’ve always wondered if power is something I desire in life. And I often wonder what I would do with it if it was mine.

I leave you with the same questions.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Grant me enough power to match my purposes for each day. Not too much nor too less.

Celebrating A Journey

It’s been two years as of today, since I began doing what I do.

I never thought I would be doing what I am doing. I had my heart set on a lot of different things and I pursued them for awhile but as things turned out this opportunity came knocking at my door and I kind of tumbled into it with much uncertainty.

Looking back the only words that keep playing over and over in my heart are - Thank you.

So to all of you who have been part of this journey with me in some way:

Thank you for the companionship. Thank you for the laughs. Thank you for the support. Thank you for the listening ear. Thank you for putting up with my eccentricity. Thank you for showing me better. Thank you for the helping hands.

Thank you for teaching me the value of the words ‘it’s okay’. Thank you for pushing me further. Thank you for giving me wings. Thank you for being there when I fell down. Thank you for picking me up and encouraging me to go on.

Thank you for the casual conversations, the earnest advice, the gentle warnings, the patient guidance and the constant motivation.

Thank you for the breaks, the lunches, the treats, the outings, the surprises, the mails, the messages, the calls and the many other little things that will stay in my heart a life time through.

Thank you for *You*.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Thank you for being there every moment of every day at my every beck and call. : )

A walk on the Beach

I live in a city with one of the longest coastlines in the world and have been fortunate to have always lived pretty close to the beach.

I have taken so many walks on the sea shore but just as the patterns that the clouds form in the sky can never be replicated, the shore line always has a different story to tell.

When there is a high tide the sea is wrestles and the coast is ravaged by the huge strong waves. It’s not a pretty picture and I prefer to stand and watch the sea at a safe distance. But when there is a low tide the sea is calm and friendly and it’s nice to take a walk on the shore.

Today was one of those low tide days and the coast was absolutely beautiful. For some reason the sea shore seemed broader than I have ever seen before. There were corals and shells of different colors and shapes strewn on the wet sand. The wild sea breeze was pleasant in the backdrop of the waves that seemed to be in fact lazing in the setting sun.

Mum and I walked on and on, and my dog followed us quite excited. It’s a walk that ended a rather memorable day with my family, mum & dad, my brother, my grandma and my aunts. : )

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Am speechless, for once.

The Heart, The Head & The Connection

I was pleasantly surprised by X’s kindness and went out of the way to tell X how much X was appreciated for all X’s efforts. However later I wondered if I had crossed the line and said more than I should have while being appreciative and put X in a rather embarrassing position.

Hmmm… I find myself quite often in fixes like these.

You see my heart just has to tell people how much I like, enjoy, care and appreciate them. My mind however is more sensible and warns me of things that can be said and things that should not be said just incase it leaves me misunderstood or the person concerned in an awkward position to reciprocate the same in some way.

But the connection between the heart and the head is hard to make. And I find myself many a time swinging like a pendulum from one side to the other not knowing which one to listen to. Sometimes there's a sixth sense that tells me what I need to do. Sometimes there's a calm voice instructing me. Sometimes there's nothing at all. And these are times I am most confused.

What can be said and what not are split second decisions and so at the end of the day I find myself going over my day and wondering if I got it wrong or right. This time I must confess the peace in me was disturbed. So I probably did not get it right. I should have listened to the head and not the heart. Still, I can’t go back and do things differently so I just wish I had a better way of knowing.

As I sat pondering along these lines, I decided to just lay it down. I know this experience will help me judge better next time what needs to be said or done and that alone makes it all worthwhile.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . It’s almost the break of dawn and as I still sit pondering over yesterdays spilt milk thank you for giving me a whole new day to start afresh.

World Peace

I was talking with a friend today who seemed quite distraught. We kept meandering from one topic to another but never actually quite got to what was on X mind. Seeing that X was not too comfortable I asked if there was anything on X mind that I could pray for. After a long pause X replied, yeah. You could pray for dash and everyone’s happiness!

Everyone’s happiness? LOL! That’s plain silly I thought to myself.

X I have known to be a person who is most often building castles in the air trying to find solutions that will make everyone happy and bring World Peace! As ridiculous as that cliché statement sounds a part of me wondered what if there was a possibility that we could indeed make everyone happy.

Out there is probably a young Miss Y who is in a messed up relationship of some kind and to pray for Y’s happiness means to pray that Y has the courage to move on, go through some pretty difficult times that would ultimately make Y happy. Then there’s Master Q who has found these bunch of buddies who seem ultra cool only until he finds a darker side to their seemingly harmless fun. Q now has some drug abuse problems and a lot of other things to deal with. To pray for Q’s happiness would mean to ask for Q to be sent to rehab, go through depressing times and then ultimately be free. Then there is posh Mrs. R who seems to have it all so easy but every night she cries herself to sleep because she does not find the joy she seeks in what she has. To pray for R would mean R would have to open up in pretty radical ways that can be nothing but painful times until she ultimately finds herself content. I could go on…

But the point is I realized that when I pray for someone’s happiness I am not necessarily praying for an immediate alteration in their circumstances that will lead to sudden happiness. Instead I pray into their lives circumstances that in some way ultimately work out for their happiness!

I guess it’s not all that silly after all to pray for everyone’s happiness. Plus when I pray for happiness I better be prepared to be broken, shaped and polished by life’s circumstances.

Still think we need to work towards World Peace?! ; )

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Glad you are out there constantly doing all you can to make sure everyone’s happy!

Don’t say what you don’t mean

Words have always enthralled me because words have life. And the life that is given to them is breathed by the speaker of these words.

They can make you sing or they can make you sad. They can make you laugh or they can make you cry. They can heal, or they can hurt. They can give you wings to soar or they can chain you to a dark dungeon. They can make bright days seem gloomy or gloomy days seem brighter than the sun. They can charm your heart or cheat your mind. They can beckon you into new heights or can cause you to fall into deep pits.

They have the power of life and death.

I went through a distressing time this week when I had to be stern with a few of the people I interact with on a daily basis. My mind threw up words that would have wounded. Words that were careless and insensitive. Words that I knew were not to be uttered but God knows I was more than willing to utter.

But through it all that small firm voice said to me again and again: Don’t say what you don’t mean.

I had to wait to calm down.

Fast forward: I did not say what I wanted to say and guess what? The problem was resolved in a more gracious way because of the choice of the words and tone that was soft and gentle but conveyed the message.

It was worth the wait and at the end of it all we could all still smile.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . So grateful to you for the grace you bestowed on me. But for you I am nothing.

Overwhelmed

My life’s been touched by my friends today. Friends who surprised me by going out of the way for me and simply doing everything they possibly could to make this day a day I will never forget all my life.

Etched in my heart is the sounds of their voices and laughter, the sights of flowers, wrappers and treasures hidden within but best of all the love and care that was shared so generously and so spontaneously that I simply felt overwhelmed.

Now at my bed-side I sit writing this post.

I want to voice words that could say thank you but what I feel is much too deep to be conveyed by those simple words. I want to do something special for each of them but I realize that will never be enough either. I want to whisper a special wish on every one their lives and hope the next morning their wish will come true but that may not be possible to do.

So instead I choose to bend my knees and say a silent prayer for each one of those beautiful people who blessed me and made my day breathtaking in every way. Just know it is the best gift I could give.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . : ) [Somehow that’s all I feel like saying. I guess you understand.]

Popularity or Criticism

I was watching this talk show on TV and a prominent sports person from my country was posed this question: Popularity or Criticism – Which is harder to face?

Well, I’d encourage you to answer that question for yourself before you go on! : )

He tactfully answered it saying that they both have their Pros and Cons and you really cannot tell. Constructive Criticism he said helps but still may not be pleasant and popularity does get into your head but definitely feels more pleasant.

Personally I find criticism, constructive or otherwise difficult to take but I thrive on appreciation. Well, who does not? ; )

Anywayz, the point is I *know* criticism really helps me and am ultimately so grateful to the people who take the time to let me know when I am out of line. Popularity on the other hand, makes me feel like a princess for a day but the bad side is I may wake up the next morning and find it was all a dream!

The difference is one is an instant energizer the other a pill that will help with time. And some of us need more of any one while others need an equal portion of both but none can live without either. My point: I’m going to be happy when I am dished out either coz they complement each other and generally come together.

So getting back to our question, which is harder?
I’m just gonna have to tactfully say that they both have their Pros and Cons and you really cannot tell. ;)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I’m glad that you blend into our lives a perfect mix of things that enable us to grow into your perfection.

The Secret Keeper

I watched this movie called “Little Secrets” for kids recently that inspired this post:

An aspiring 14-year-old concert violinist named Emily spends her summer practicing for an audition to get into a prestigious Youth Orchestra. She also runs a secret-keeping business, in which other children give her fifty cents to tell her a secret, which she promises to keep; this is a talent that she is very good at. Every afternoon a long queue of little ones wait to share their secrets with her and be counseled at times. What no one knows is that the secret keeper has a tragic secret of her own!

Meanwhile, new neighbors move in next door, including Phillip. During the move, he accidentally breaks a valued chess piece and is caught by Emily as he attempts to bury it in the front garden. Phillip pays Emily fifty cents to keep his deed a secret, and to hide the piece in her treasure trunk along with other broken property from her other clients, in paper bags labeled with their names.

Things take a turn for the worse when Emily who never tells a secret, confides in Philip who urges her to tell him a secret of her own. She soon ends up telling a secret that her friends share and is very depressed about breaking her code.

To comfort her, her Violin tutor tells her a painful secret of her own and helps her understand that you can never be close to the people you love as long as you hide things from them.

As she listens to her, Emily who loves to sit on the rooftop and play her violin tumbles and falls. She is rushed to the hospital and slowly gets better surrounded by family and friends.

Teary eyed, she finally finds the courage to confide in her friends for the first time and tells them about her own deep secret. Her parents were killed by a drunk driver when she was just a few months old and her life was miraculously spared. She was then adopted by her mum and dad.

After Emily is released from the hospital, her life is turned around. She and Phillip return all of the paper bags and money to her clients and encourage them to tell their secrets even if was hard, painful or fearful.

Emily learns not to hide her own secret but is overjoyed to find a strange freedom that comes from both being honest and being loved for who you really are.

Hmmm… it’s a movie that leaves you touched and thoughtful.

As I journeyed with Emily through the ups and downs of her life, I learnt that it’s not easy to share secrets with anyone and sometimes perhaps more so with people close to our heart for fear of rejection. But Freedom, intimacy and love spring from a heart that is not hidden but honest.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I know I am not always honest with you. I wonder what keeps me from being honest. Strengthen me so I will learn to always have an honest heart before you.

An Ode to God

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . .

My spirit is awakened
My inner being alive
My strength is renewed
My doubts are dispelled

My soul sings out
My heart dances within
My mind is at rest
My thoughts full of hope

My life is turned around
My sins are washed away
My weakness is made beautiful
My pain is made a blessing

In the silence of loneliness
In the darkness of night
In the secret place of meeting
You touch and transform my life each day

How could this be?
I ask myself
How could this be?
But for you, my God.

A thought for the Day

Recently I received this SMS from a friend that read:

“When I walk alone, I wish to reach the end of the road. But when you walked with me I wish the road never ends.”

Unconsciously I smiled.

To me the ultimate expression of Love would be watching two old folks walking hand in hand in a park - He with his blurred vision and now shaky arms holding her while she radiating a beautiful glow that comes only from age & wisdom chats with him in a low voice.

Love I believe is companionship. It’s about those small insignificant moments of togetherness. It’s about the everyday things that bind people together. It’s about give and take. It’s about being there.

And like the quote says it can make all the difference between the way I walk this road of life.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . So glad you walk with me.

Essential piece

A few of my colleagues were given a small token of appreciation for their contribution to the organization. The gift was a key chain which had a piece of a jig-saw puzzle dangling from it. It was plated beautifully in a deep metallic blue with a gold trimming and had the words “Essential Piece” engraved on it.

I was reminded of the year end post I wrote.

I had compared a picture puzzle to my life and the zigzaw pieces to the many events in life.

Building along those lines, I realize now that the picture will not be complete but for every single piece - each piece is “The Essential Piece”.

Btw the dictionary definitions for the word Essential are – Vital, Indispensable, crucial, key.

Many a time I feel insignificant. Many a time pieces of my life seem insignificant. But the small token made me re-think. In a way no matter how insignificant I might feel or situations may be, they are essential bits that complete the picture of my life.

Just like in the story of Joseph where every piece was an essential piece which ultimately led to a life which still rings with greater meaning and purpose than he could have ever known.

Essential Piece – the words have just been ringing over and over again in my head all day long altering the way I look at the insignificant.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I know you see me as the essential piece. Makes me re-think the way I live.

Cruising or Racing

On my way home I cross a long and high flyover. I was tired and my tummy was grumbling, it was late in the eve and I was racing home. When I reached the top of the flyover there was a driver before me who was doing just the opposite - Almost as though on a cruise slowly he moved looking around and enjoying the view!

“Stop! Sow down!” I heard a cry within me.

I slowed down too and tried to enjoy the sights and sounds around me as I drove. Not just while driving over the flyover but all the way home. Somehow it did help clear my head, calm my nerves and probably made me more agreeable when I got home.

I was reminded of a scene in Pixar’s movie CARS where Lightning McQueen, a hotshot rookie race car discovers the other side of life so to speak on a cruise with Sally the Porsche who opens up his mind to a world he did not notice simply because he was too wrapped up in himself and his career.

Hmmm…Been there!?

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . “Stop! Slow down!” Guess I could use a few of those signs boards along the road of life.

Something’s eating me!

Ever felt like that?

I just know it. And I can feel it. It’s inside me. It’s eating up a big chunk of my joy, my peace, my mind. I’m trying hard to put my finger on it but I can’t. It’s just illusive.

Well let me try to break it up.

I’ve been doing a lot of new things these last two weeks. Most of which I have never done before. New things unnerve me for starters and leave me a little wobbly on the inside. That could be part of it.

And then most of it makes me vulnerable to people. I have been doing it all with the best of intentions and to the best I know how but it has left me fearful of being judged and fearful of the possibility that I might be doing the wrong thing.

Then there is also this etc bit. The little this and that….I have not had the time to think over and it still lies within me waiting for my attention.

And though I hear that soft firm voice guide me I still find it hard at times. I know only one place where all of this can be put to rest. It’s talking to mister god.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . so here I am. Help me see with your eyes.

My Dreams

I’ve reached a point in life when reality has hit me head on and all my childish fancies look silly in my own eyes. I’ve stopped dreaming for awhile.

But one of the most common New Year wish I’ve got in the begining of this year is “May your dreams come true!”

Hmmm....It’s got me thinking about my dreams.

I’ve decided I’m going to begin this year dreaming. Dreaming Big. So here goes…

Author a Bestseller

Release an album that makes it to the Grammy’s

Live in a land with a different culture for a little while

Star gaze till I’ve found all the constellations visible to the naked eye

Support at least 12 children in their educational aspirations

Skate on ice

Be part of a youth magazine that touches and transform young lives around my country

Dance to the waltz

Adopt a child

Support a few missionary families

Make a dream come true for a person I know

Master the guitar

Own a grand Piano, and be a piano tutor

Support a social venture in my hometown

Take my mum and dad on a holiday to a foreign land

Learn sign language

Here my songs sung on a local FM channel

Work with abused kids

Own a column in a local newspaper

Surprise one person every week

Watch the aurora in the artic

Work in a public service department

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . nay… Dreaming! I know you are listening. : )