That’s exactly how I feel, and it feels awful!! :-/
Let me backtrack . . .
I made this dumb mistake. Only the dumbness in my mistake appalled even me! It wasn’t too big a deal but I just couldn’t get over it. ‘How could you?’ I found myself yelling at myself and that was followed by a torrent of self rebukes (#%&*#$) that are censored as they are not to be spoken aloud.
The situation did not involve others (Thank God) and was more something I was personally disappointed about coz I had fallen short of my own expectations.
Bingo! (This is it)
Ouch! It hurts. And worse till I found myself trapped in this accused-guilty-condemned circle where I have butchered myself.
*sigh*
I was chatting with this friend of mine hitting around the subject of my disappointment. She is quite unlike me and so I was kinda shocked when she echoed the very same feelings I had regarding a parallel issue! We laughed together at ourselves and it sure helped to know I was not alone coz it felt like I was.
:-)
Still, I have to say it’s rather hard to see past these feelings. But even as I type I feel like I *can* laugh at myself. It’s okay I guess to be Disappointed with Me. It really is.
Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . You know something, I think you are laughing too. No matter what, I just can’t disappoint you. You know me with *all* my flaws and you even take delight in me just the way I am - Perhaps I should too.
Let me backtrack . . .
I made this dumb mistake. Only the dumbness in my mistake appalled even me! It wasn’t too big a deal but I just couldn’t get over it. ‘How could you?’ I found myself yelling at myself and that was followed by a torrent of self rebukes (#%&*#$) that are censored as they are not to be spoken aloud.
The situation did not involve others (Thank God) and was more something I was personally disappointed about coz I had fallen short of my own expectations.
Bingo! (This is it)
Ouch! It hurts. And worse till I found myself trapped in this accused-guilty-condemned circle where I have butchered myself.
*sigh*
I was chatting with this friend of mine hitting around the subject of my disappointment. She is quite unlike me and so I was kinda shocked when she echoed the very same feelings I had regarding a parallel issue! We laughed together at ourselves and it sure helped to know I was not alone coz it felt like I was.
:-)
Still, I have to say it’s rather hard to see past these feelings. But even as I type I feel like I *can* laugh at myself. It’s okay I guess to be Disappointed with Me. It really is.
Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . You know something, I think you are laughing too. No matter what, I just can’t disappoint you. You know me with *all* my flaws and you even take delight in me just the way I am - Perhaps I should too.
2 comments:
Been there done that. The peculiar thing about it is that, you can be disappointed even when others think you have done a good job!
So how have you been doing? and what are you upto all these days?
It's totally unlike you not to blog for so long. I hope you have been okay and feeling better since you last wrote.
tC, @ina.
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