I’m Scared!

My little niece who is three has this amusing way of saying “I’m scared!” whenever she faces a new situation, or a new sound or a new person or sometimes a piece of ginger on the table! :)

We laugh at her times saying she is just being silly!

I was surprised to find myself recently saying to myself - “I’m scared!”
The first time I heard myself I chuckled. But soon I realized it was no laughing matter… I am scared!!

At heart I felt just like my little girl. No matter how much I saw of the world it always surprises me. New situations always make me feel like a fish out of water, and new sounds make me jump… a new person is a whole lot more complicated and yeah… sometimes something as small and harmless looking as a piece of ginger on the table can trigger a avalanche within.

Silly is it? I don’t think so… ;)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I’m scared. Help me through this stuff dear God.

Being Honest

Hypothetical Situation: X opens up and tells Y something that is personal. Y reacts immediately and makes a sweeping statement about X that is critical. X shuts up immediately and something X would have liked to share with Y will never be revealed to Y. X will also think twice before sharing anything with Y again. Y on the other hand probably does not even know about the effect the statement had on X.

Ever been X or Y?

My best friend and I were talking about such a circumstance and she wanted to know how I would react.

Hypothetically I replied saying I may well have been surprised and let my displeasure known before I could have thought it over just as Y did.

We went on to talk about how if only Y would have respected X and what X had to say, patiently listened, agreed if need be and heard X out things could have been drastically different. Y would now have earned the confidence of X and better still X and Y would have together peeled of another one of those masks we hide behind and would have had a chance to really know each other.

As we talked on I could relate X and Y to so many situations in my life and people I have met. It is painful to not be able to share something about yourself with someone you love for fear of being judged and on the contrary it is blissful to be able to share something about yourself and be understood.

I wonder how many times I have been Y and how many times I have missed the chance to know X a little better. I remember the many times I have been X and the hurt that Y caused me. I choose to learn to be open and honest despite the odds cause I guess it’s better to be loved by some*one* for who you are than everybody for what you are not.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I need your help with this… Honest!

An Epic

A year long epic comes to an end today. I stand here with mixed feelings doing something I love to do - reflecting.

We started this as a small pioneering team. Stepping out into something that promised to be different; I still remember the day I was asked to be part of it. Reluctantly I agreed little knowing what I was taking on.

In the weeks that followed there was so much to do I hardly had any time to think. There were times I wondered if what I did made any difference; Times I wished I could just escape from it all; Times I was just so worried if was all going to work out okay;

I remember standing in church my heart lifted up to the one person who could understand me fully asking for the strength to go on…

But has the time went by we became one big happy extended family. I would call it some of the best days of my life as we learnt to laugh, share, and enjoy ordinary everyday life and take it as it comes.

The happy family however did not last for long. Each one had to move on due to personal reasons to other places and I found myself standing all alone smitten by the desire to walk away too. But deep within I heard that all too familiar voice say “stay”. And stay I did so the epic did not end there. Joined by some fresh new faces the story went on as we wrote it day by day.

Today we stand at the last page. None of the ones who were there when the first page was written are now here with me except one. But as I skip though the pages as I am doing now I find so many characters larger than life, who have helped paint every word on every page. I see my own character so changed and transformed.

I can’t help smiling and sighing as I write “The End”.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . What’s next I wonder. I feel a knot inside me at the thought of moving on but I know I must. Give me the strength to go on…

My Nephew

For the first time in my life I got to spend a day with a little 5 year old boy, my nephew, who I was meeting for the first time. Most of my interaction by chance has always been with little girls and I love to spend time with them.

But little boys scarred me! I just imagined them to be rough and tough and felt they would probably hate me! Weird, eh?

My nephew proved me wrong.

For no reason at all, and I must say again for no reason at all this little boy took to me. He just fell in love with me the minute I walked into his house. We talked and soon I was his playmate. We played with his cars, ships and building blocks. His favorite game was dinosaurs! We had a whole range of pretend dinosaurs who were being born, eating each other up and being born again… Soon my hair clips where also included in the family of dinos! :)

Gently he hit me, playfully. I smiled at him and he said “I am gentle with you because you are so gentle with me…!” ;)

Holding hands we went to sleep that night. I had to leave early the next morning and could not say good bye so I just left a little note with a chocolate to tell him how much fun I had with him.

He showered me with his affection and made me feel rather special just to be loved for no reason at all. Five year olds…! Wish we could love like them.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . No wonder you said we need to be like a child at heart.

Andrew

My family and I went out for a holiday last weekend. This post is about a person we met and grew to love and respect in a short time – Andrew.

Andrew is my brother’s cab driver. He picked us up late on Friday night and we made our way to the hotel. Andrew greeted us cheerfully and we planned our next day with him. He was going to take us to tourist place a few hours away for the whole day.

The next day Andrew came early in the morning. He greeted us again with that same cheer. He drove us to a place for breakfast and from then on he drove us over 300 kilometers, stopping by at all the places of interest. He took us around, helped us take pictures, showed us the places and was the best guide we could have got.

What was so amazing about Andrew is that he went above and beyond the call of duty and served us with cheerfulness and warmth. He was a cab driver who did his work with a 110% and took pride in doing it to his best. He did all that he did sacrificially, going the extra mile for us consistently.

We knew at the end of the weekend, Andrew was the reason we had such a good time.

So this is to Andrew, an unsung hero in his own realm and a person who has left lasting footprints in my life.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Teach me to go the extra mile as Andrew did with grace.

Gods Surprises

This morning my daily reading ended with the following thought: Has God ever surprised you? I smiled and could recollect a number of things that God has done in my life that come as surprises... I closed my book and forgot about it as I began to get ready for work.

My dad has this wonderful was of taking care of my vehicle. He makes sure I have enough petrol and my tires our fine every single day. I never bother about my vehicle because Dad takes care of it all so perfectly.

This week however Dad has been busier than usual. I drove off this morning little realizing that Dad had missed his regular inspection.

A few kilometers from my home my vehicle began to choke and struggle. I looked down at my fuel indicator and it said empty!!! I looked up and I could see a petrol bunk a couple of blocks away. My vehicle grumbled and made it all the way to the bunk. Just at the entrance it finally gave up but rolled smoothly right next to a petrol gauge!

It was amazing. The next bunk is about twelve kilometers away and if I had missed this one I would have been badly stuck on the road.

The words “Had God surprised you?” echoed in my mind. He sure has!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . You are exciting! :)

Keep Dreaming

What do you do when a dream you dreamed goes wrong or just does not work out?

You dream a bigger dream!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Give me the courage to keep dreaming.

Appreciation

Appreciation is one of the words I love in the English language simply because it opens one to a world of positive possibilities.

Know what I mean?

Appreciation can be made known in a zillion different ways. A simple nod, a look in the eye, a smile, shaking hands, a hug, by the use of words simple or poetic, gifts …

This morning I expected to be hear the words "Good work". Yeah, I know it’s not good to have such expectations but this I told myself was an exception.

I was disappointed.

It’s a hard confession to make because I always thought I was mature enough to handle such disappointment with a smile!

Anyway by the end of the day I also had to say goodbye to a friend who was moving on. As she bid farewell, her eyes filled with tears while repeatedly talking about a card another friend and I had given her on her birthday. I faintly remember writing a long note on the back and her tears said how much it meant to her. Honestly I never thought it could mean so much.

There is a time and a moment for everything and so also with appreciation. An opportunity once missed it may never come back and once given, there’s no telling how much it could mean.

As I write this I make a silent vow to myself to never miss up such an opportunity. Join me? :)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . .”Good Work”, I hear you whisper in my ear.

I want to reach the sky!

I spent the afternoon with my niece who’s just turned three.

She sat on my tummy as we lazed on a deck chair and played silly games for hours together laughing and tickling each other. After a while we went for a walk, her little hands held on to mine and once again we played funny games with each other. Suddenly she stopped me and said “I want to reach the sky”. She simply meant she wanted me to throw her up in the air and catch her which i gladly did! : )

My favorite game of the evening was: She would walk a few steps away and come running back and fling herself at me in one big bear hug after which I would pick her up and twirl her around and set her down only to repeat it all over again!

I realized something as I said goodbye to her when it was time for her to go home. With her big eyes, the things she said, the way she smiled and the things she did, she absolutely made sure that I could think of nothing else but her every moment that I spent with her!

Actually felt so good to take my mind off my life and everything about me and be lost in my little niece’s world. Thank you darl. In a way I reached the sky too.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I guess sometimes reaching up to the sky is actually a lot simpler than we imagine it to be. ; )

Musing Aloud

Why is it that the people we love the most are also the ones we hurt the most?

This thought has been ringing within me for awhile now. I realize I go out into the world each day and try to be the best me I can be. But at the end of the day many a time there’s that pent up frustration, disappointments, or displeasure that I cannot afford to let out through the day. They can be personal failures, or things that perhaps did not work out well or something like that.

I come home and I know this is my safety net. This is the place where I can be the plain me. No dressing up around here. I can afford to loose my calm. I can let them know if I am upset about something. And yes at times I do hurt the ones I love and care for the most, when I do.

But something Mum used to say comes to my mind…”Home is the kind of place where any of us can let out a bit of steam and still be loved not despite of it but for it too!” : )

I guess that’s the most awesome feeling of comfort you get with the people you love most. They love you for all that you are not despite all that you are and so even the hurtful side finds a place to hide in their love.

Like I said just musing aloud…

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I find my hiding place, my resting place in your Love.

Stepping Out

When you step out,
You make a few enemies,
You make a few friends,
And between you discover your wings.

These lines popped into my head while I was thinking about some experiences. Just felt like sharing them with the world.

To all of you out there: No matter how hard it is, take a chance and step out. Never miss out on the chance to do something different or try something new or just be radical.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . As I take each step, tough as it might seem at times, I pray you guide me.

To Mom

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

There is no life, no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But then you come, and I am filled with wonder;
Sometimes I think, I glimpse eternity.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up mum... To more than I can be.I love you. Happy Birthday!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Thank you for mum, the most beautiful woman in the world.

Interacting with People of Power

Today I had a unique opportunity to interact with some people of power.

First, there was X, who I interacted with only through mail. X had taken notice of a mighty small detail and took the time to talk about it and make things easier or better. It left me stunned for two reasons: The fact that a person of power could empathize with me and the fact that a person of power took the time to change things around as insignificant as that might be from X’s position.

Then, there was Y. Interacting with Y was indeed a rare privilege. Y put away pressing meetings, an already overloaded schedule just to make it to this rather trivial appointment. We were discussing a looming possibly difficult event that may soon take place but Y’s perception amazed me. To Y it was simply an opportunity to pioneer something never done before. “Yes we might fail" Y added “but hey! At least we tried.” The other thing that amazed me was that Y was extremely magnanimous. In my mind I felt that the way a few things were done was so unfair but Y chose to overlook it with a smile.

And then there is Z who is also a person in power, I admire a great deal and have the chance to interact with quite frequently. Z is a person whose principles and priorities amaze me since they have stood the test of time and pressure. I have always thought you need to be *someone* to make a difference but Z taught me that you just need to have a simple dream and follow after it one step at a time to make a difference.

I realized that my initial perceptions of power as proclaimed in my previous post may not be all that warranted.

Power mostly leads to one being unduly criticized, grossly misunderstood and most of the time taking chances with things that one is never really sure about. Plus the outcome of one’s decisions may well have many people’s lives at stake and so it’s rather a hot seat to be in.

But Power does gives you the highest privilege of all: To touch and transform lives in ways both great and small in a scale that is not determined by the power at hand but rather by the person whose hand power lies in.

To the people in power, I salute you. To the ones who are not, we still have the privilege to touch and transform lives by the power within.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Bless the people in power.

Power

The word *power* tends to stir a sense of fear in my heart. It’s not a word I am very comfortable with especially when it concerns me…In the sense that, I’d rather not meddle with *power*.

Power gives one the ability to make decisions for others. It strengthens you to go where no one else dares to go. Power can drive you further than you are supposed to go. It can draw you into unexpected and unwarranted circumstances. Power can bring out the worst in you. It can make the most humble of beings loose perspective. Power can make you tough. It can make you blind to the obvious.

I was lost in such mid morning musings today. I realized that power is dangerous especially when it is given to you when you are not prepared to handle it. But I also realized something else. Power has another side to it - Potential.

The potential to make things better. To change things in a positive way. To make reality possibilities that could only be hoped and dreamed of by some others.

Power is a responsibility that often is entrusted to individuals after much debate. Some squander it, some misuse it, some do nothing with it and still others use it sparingly.

I’ve always wondered if power is something I desire in life. And I often wonder what I would do with it if it was mine.

I leave you with the same questions.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Grant me enough power to match my purposes for each day. Not too much nor too less.