Being Bold

Let’s do a little a word study:

Bold: Webster defines bold as “Not hesitating or fearful in the face of actual or possible danger or rebuff; courageous and daring”

Bravery is not the absence of fear but defying fear. And I believe in the face of possible danger it is innate in us to be brave despite fear.

But I have been exploring another dimension of braveness. Being brave in the dark night of the soul, in the quietness of loneliness, in the absence of love, in the face of being let down, in the hope of something that never comes, in the tears of life and in the battles of everyday emotions.

Unlike bravery in the traditional sense this sort of bravery is something that none of us can escape from and truly tests the will and strength of the human spirit.

It’s an interesting thought because I always defined my own courage in terms of one off situations in my life. But come to think of it it’s not an innate one off episode that qualifies us as bold but rather strength of mind and spirit developed over the years in everyday life.

Dear Mister God this is @ina talking… Am getting there! =)

Reality: Need: Expectation

X was talking to us today about an interesting aspect of life. To everything in life there is a reality in a situation, a need associated with that situation and finally an expectation on the situation.

For example reality is I must eat food to live; Need would be I must eat good and healthy food to live. Expectation could be I must eat pizza and pasta to live! ; )

Generally X approximates the Need to be three times the Reality and the Expectation to be six times the Need and nine times the Reality!

Practically speaking if I can survive in a three hundred square feet house I look for a thousand two hundred square feet house; And when I have a thousand two hundred square feet house (my current reality) I look for a ten thousand eight hundred square feet house and when I have a ten thousand eight hundred square feet house I look for a ninety seven thousand two hundred square feet house and when I ….!!

See where I am heading? The more you have the more you perceive you need and the more you expect in life.

How do you balance it all? That’s the challenge.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Keep me mindful of the reality, watchful of my need and humble in my expectation.

Nameless Friends

This evening I had to go to this shop a short walk away from my house to get a few prescription drugs for my mom. I don’t frequent the shop but I remember the first time I went there. There was this pleasant middle aged gentleman and we smiled and greeted each other. When I was done I looked him in the eye, smiled and tried to say a warm thank you as well as I could.

Since then I’ve been there a few times and it’s always a pleasant 3 to 5 minutes of interaction. This evening he was not in the shop but there was a pleasant girl. Once I was done I turned around and found him walking towards the store. He warmly smiled, said hello and inquired if I had got all I needed.

His courteousness put a broad smile on my face and reminded me of the umpteen nameless friends I have. The watchmen I see everyday on my way to work, the lady staff who help keep the place clean, the person who politely held the door for me till I walked past, the young girls who help me fill my vehicle with petrol, the helpers at the counter on the grocery shop close by, the girl who sat next to me on the public bus today, and so many more.

Some have been one time acquaintances and some are once in awhile acquaintances. What held my attention was the fact that all these interactions in some ways have helped us enrich each others life and was the cause for me to be having a BROAD smile on my face!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I say a little prayer for all my nameless friends and may I be a named and nameless friend to many more.

LOL

I have found that at it takes to cheer up a moody heart, a confused mind, or an anxious soul is a *real* loud laugh!

Am so grateful for the people in my life who make me laugh –

My mum who can say just what I am thinking simply looking into my face and make me laugh like a child, Dad’s daddy ways that I can’t help but laughing at, my brother whose uncanny conversations keep me laughing even long after I am done talking to him, the friends who I have not talked to in a while and call to catch up, the person who sits near me at work and takes the time to chat and laugh with me through the course of my day, friends who enjoy teasing me especially the funny friend who tries to mimic me and makes me laugh till my sides ache, my girl friends who share silly laughs with me, a distant friend who faithfully sends me funny forwards, my niece whose little girl talk is so entertaining, the latest addition to my family a six month old who is so amazing and cute that every minute with her I’m laughing … that’s to name a few!

This other day for example over lunch we started to talk about cricket. Much to our amusement this friend of mine had no clue about cricket. “I only watched the world cup” she says, “I don’t get it, I see an LBW and the score does not go up!”

LOL! Of course mischievous me did not stop there but went on to ask her about what a 4 or 6 or a hat trick could be …!!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Can’t help but think you LOL with me.

Guiding & Spoiling

Let’s do a word study…

Guide: To assist to travel through, or reach a destination in, an unfamiliar area, as by accompanying or giving directions to the person; to force to move in a certain path; to supply with advice or counsel, as in practical or spiritual affairs; to supervise in an advisory capacity. Synonyms: direct; show; steer; lead; conduct; channel; point; pilot.

Spoil: To damage severely or harm (something), esp. with reference to its excellence, value, usefulness, etc. to diminish or impair the quality of; affect detrimentally; to impair, damage, or harm the character or nature of (someone) by unwise treatment, excessive indulgence, etc. Synonyms: ruin; mess up; blemish; destroy; indulge; pamper; pander to.

I few words from a leader I respect led me into this word study on guiding and spoiling. You see, I always *thought* I knew the difference and that I would not confuse the two.

But today I realized that sometimes there is a fine line between the two though they mean such entirely different things and I can easily confuse the two for *short term gain* over *long term growth*.

I enjoy being a mentor and helping people I work with grow to their full potential. I realize however as I work with them on a daily basis I need to be watchful that I am guiding and not spoiling!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I guess that helps explain why your ways are so much different from our own.

Do something New Everyday

I was in a pep talk today with a few young people who joined us at my work place. “Do something New Everyday!” X encouraged them.

The words have been echoing in my head. This year I have been trying to maintain a journal at work as well. I have a hand made bookmark on it that says the same words and reminds me to consciously try things I have never done before!

It’s amusing how many new things you can find to do once you start looking!

To all my readers, Do make the effort to do something New Everyday!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Life is exciting!

Finding that Someone

There comes a point and time in life when all of us, whoever or wherever we may be pause and think about that someone special who we would like to share the rest of our lives with.

Some create a list of likes and don’t likes and try to fit the person into a mould. Some have an imaginary portrait in their heads and chose not to settle for anything different. Some create a wish list and patiently hope every one of it will come together in that one person. Some on the other hand don’t hope but just settle for their lot in life for in hoping they fear disappointment. Some are clueless in their quest and chase the wind.

Funny thing is - I can see a little bit of myself in every one of those descriptions! Deep down however I hope that when I finally meet that someone I will *know* and that someone will be perfect just the way he is and the quest will come to an end not because the person fits my mould, or my imaginary portrait, my wish list or what I feared to hope for but because in his own way he will complete me.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Ah! Guess that’s how you planned it all along!

My Year End Post

An old friend called me today and we got talking about the year that has gone by. X was keen to know what I had been doing out of the normal this year… The extra curricular things, the adventures, the first timers, the new experiences, the things that I did despite the odds…

X really got me thinking and inspired!

Truth is this year has been adventurous and rewarding in many ways. I challenged myself to take up new experiences and my diary is dotted with things I did for the first time all through this year. Also, this time last year I know I was so worried about loosing friends whose companionship I enjoyed so much. One of the most memorable things about this year however has been learning to let go of some of the people I loved and finding I’m surrounded by people I have fallen in love with.

Looking back I can only smile. =)

Picking of where 2007 winds up here’s my toast to the New Year: May it be an extraordinary year – Lets not settle for the ordinary but go the extra mile to make it extraordinary in every way!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . It’s been an amazing year filled with amazing people and shaped by an amazing God. Thank you!

A Window

Recently I moved to a new place at work. My desk is right between two French windows on the sixth floor.

I’ve been so excited! The light from the window is so much better than the artificial lights I am used to. Through the window I can see a garden at the center surrounded by a couple of other buildings that are still coming up. On a rainy day I can hear the pitter patter of the rain and the drops that settle on the window look so beautiful. It’s on the west and on a sunny day around 3 pm the warm rays of the sun bathe my place a golden shade. By 5 if it’s a clear sky I can see the fiery red ball bid me farewell as he slips away for a well earned nights rest and the sky turns dark red to black till I just have to wind up my work and leave for the day.

At times I sit on the window sill and chat with friends or simply take a break and stare out. It’s amazing how much pleasure this window gives me!

I guess there are something’s in life that no matter how many times you experience the feeling of awe remains – Like watching the sunrise or sunset, the moon and the stars, a rainbow, the sea, a fountain, flowers, the sky, street lights on a never ending road, streams, rocks, a laughing baby…

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I am your spoilt child!

A Quiet Morning

Mum loves gardening and she uses logs, stones and shells to make pots that are beautifully decorated. Last evening she found a hollow piece of log on the beach that would make a beautiful pot but could not carry it home.

So this morning Mum and I woke up early and drove to the beach with our dog. It was a misty morning and we thought that we would probably not get to see the sun rise.

The beach was lonely and calm. The only sound we could hear was the gentle lapping of the waves on the shore. It was blissful. We walked a few yards before we came across the log that mom wanted. Sure enough it was a masterpiece, ravaged by the wind and the water yet perfectly suited for our purpose. We picked it up joyfully!

The sun was not yet out but a mass of clouds hovering over the horizon seemed to be hiding it. However as though just to delight us the loners on the beach the sun a perfectly round orange ball decided to slowly peek out in all its glory over the calm sea. A small fishing boat was right in the center of it and the clouds around it turned pink with a silver trimming. Spellbound we watched as the sun paraded for us. It was the most beautiful sun rise I have witnessed so far.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . .Oooo!

Trying to define Love

This time of the season always makes me think of love. And like so many I try to define it, explain it or reason it. After meandering through many memories, thoughts, opinions I have heard and experiences I have had here is my latest perception…

Love appreciates the small things about you that others never care to notice and brings out the best in you so naturally. Love makes you *feel* beautiful without even realizing it!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I guess the real mirror is found in the eyes of those who love us.

The three boxes

My friend and I were having a conversation today that I really enjoyed. X has had a lot of changes over the last couple of months and is just settling down… making new friends, and learning how things work in the place X is in etc. One of the first hardest battles X is facing is knowing when to be yourself and when to tone down and be something your not just so that X does not stand out.

Know what I mean?

We all live in three boxes. Let’s call one True Colors, the second Others Voices and the third Projected Colors. One is our very own thinking box. Two is when we know our thinking box would not do so try to think through “everyone else’s” perspective. And three is who we are to the outside world.

The further one and three go the more uncomfortable we get. The closer one and three are the happier we tend to be with ourselves. But all this depends on box two. My friends question was box two cannot be ignored and may often help you be wise but sometimes can simply confuse you. So when do you listen to box two and when do you not?

Hmmm… Not a simple question. And I did not have the answer. All I could say was I knew that X was not the same person I knew and to be completely honest I missed the real X. Truth is X’s real self was not widely appreciated and I could understand the ups and downs that X was going through but given a choice I would fight to help X be all that box one demands X to be without a second thought.

All said and done, Do I live by box one afterall?

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I’m sure your busy fighting for the same too in many lives including mine!

An Unexpected Response

I lost my cool yesterday and I was so upset about that. Thankfully I did not use words that I was not supposed to use but I still said things in a tone that I was not suppose to use.

I had a rather brilliant day which was dampened by this unexpected explosion of mine. The calm voice within me tried to tell me its okay but I just was not okay with me. I knew the situation could have been handled by motivating but I handled it by reprimanding. I felt it was too early to reprimand.

Today however I had decided to pep talk the people involved and make things better. I was sure that the damage had been done though and could see no way in which things could be better.

Why do I call this post - an unexpected response?

Well because of the three people involved one came up to me and said ‘Since yesterday you have become my role model!’

There is no conclusion to this post. Just a thought – The very action that I felt made me fall from being a role model actually made me one!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . It’s not a parallel but reminds me of your principles – give to receive, loose to win, serve to lead, die to live.

Humbled

Am humbled by people who I once closed the doors of my heart and mind to and have later fond that they have earned my admiration, respect and love despite my blinkered perception of them

Am humbled by people who choose to remain passionate about their dreams in life despite their circumstances while I have let life take a toll on mine

Am humbled by people whose vast experiences astound me and make me realize that I’ve still tasted just a morsel of life

Am humbled by people whose knowledge of a subject is so profound that next to them I feel so small

Am humbled by people who have stood the test of time and still stand strong and tall while I murmur about the slightest discomfort

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Perhaps the best position to be in is to be humbled.