Pause

I was watching this beautiful movie and I caught myself wishing I could *pause* it in a happy moment timelessly.

Ever wished you could just *pause* your life permanently on a happy moment?
: )

If I could, I wonder which moment I would have choosen?

A number of happy moments raced through my mind one after the other...

My hand just refused to press that imaginary pause button cause unless I let it play I won’t be able to recollect the next moment . . .!

I changed my mind and pressed the play button and watched the rest of the movie. There were some tragedies and some joyful moments that followed. But watching it all was definitely more fulfilling.

I’m actually at this point of my life when I wish I could just *pause* it. Everything seems so perfect. But maybe I should stop wishing and just gladly let my life play!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . You, my director knows best! :)

Best of Both

I got to dance in the rain and watch a rainbow across the horizon over this weekend!

:) Just felt like telling the world that!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Reminded me of your most beautiful promise of all ~ A rainbow will always follow the rain.

The four Little Lights

My life was brightened today by four friends. We work together as a team and interact quite a lot on a daily basis. Today however is a local holiday and I had to turn up early in the morn and hang around for a few hours.

One of my friends surprised me by turning up earlier than I did, for no reason at all but to just be there. For me! : ) Then another called up and patiently played along with my teasing and taunting. I enjoyed it! : ) That was followed by a simple sms from yet another friend that made me smileee : ). And then an unexpected long distance call from the last one who’s on vacation! : )

I went this morn expecting to be lonely but instead found my friends made it not so lonely after all. I don't know if they realized it but they are four little lights. Just as they brightened my day today they go out into the world each day brightening many lives!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . India is celebrating a traditional festival of lights. And I personally celebrate The Light, lights in my life. : )

Putting my foot down

An interesting observation:
It's so easy to put my foot down for others,
Yet so difficult to put my foot down for myself!

I found myself advising this friend of mine with so much zest, on putting *her* foot down about something that *I* felt was not so fair. But hey! She reminded me. You are putting your foot down for me! : )

Hmmm… It's true. It was so easy to see into her situation and tell her what she ought not to put up with. But when I am put in the same situation... I'm blind as a bat! I don't even see my foot half the time so really have no chances to put it down! I can stomp around for others while I can’t stand for myself!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . If only practicing what I preach was easy.

The same ole Love

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . .

You watched me grow
From young to old
With every step I took

As the years have passed by
Your love has made me strong
From dawn to dusk
With every new day

As the years have passed by
Your grace has taught me all
From foolish to wise
With every new experience

But as the years have passed by
I have fallen many times
Both great and small
Sometimes I have hurt you
Sometimes I have failed
& sometimes I have despised you

But you still look at me
With the same ole love
That you had for me
The day I was born.

I’m amazed by your love. : )

Self-Consumed

I was in an absolute mess today. I myself have never seen myself so frenzied!

Back drop: Ah! I think I shall just keep that under the carpet.

The point: I stayed up half the night all the while working out in my head what I could have said, what I could have done and what not to fix the record and make it all straight. I was so consumed in it that I could not even hear the still voice in me. But only if I listened I know this whole day would have been so different for me. There is so much of the *Me* in me that still needs to die.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . We have miles to go before I sleep.

On Par

Over a conversation with my mum I discovered something interesting about myself.

In my mind, all who I am in a relationship with are not on par. Some I look up to and some I felt look up to me. Which is true but the sad thing is I decided this based on age!

In my culture it is very important to respect people who are elder than oneself. From very young we are taught to address anyone elder with respect, look up to them, follow what they say and hold them in high esteem.

So in my mind people friends and family who are elder to me are the people I respect, I look up to and when interacting with them I always expect to be on the receiving end. But when I am with friends and family younger than me, I feel I am looked up to and hence try to be as giving as possible.

However this is not the way it works. I realized I should not be in any relationship hoping to be the giver or the receiver but rather be open to give and take. Like my mum pointed out to me, at times a four year old has a lot teach us!

So regardless of age, experience, background or any such differences I am learning to look at both myself and the person I am interacting with as on par. Friendships and relationships are somehow so much more rewarding when you take that perspective.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I know it’s not just age but a lot of other such things that put barriers in me while I interact with people... help me break down these barriers within me.

Just Human

A thought:

Sometimes we have so much expectations on ourselves, that we forget we are human.
And sometimes others have so much expectations on us, that they forget we are human.

But Hey! We are human.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Glad to be just human.

Moving on in Life

I’ve been moving a lot, and working with different people lately. Over a period of time I grow fond of ‘em and then before I know it, it’s again time to move. Either for them or for me... and all the laughs we shared, chats we had and games we played our memories stowed away. :(

I’m a slow kinda person and every time I’m faced with movement of any sort it takes a lot of courage to help me cope with it. But like all people I cope with it too.

Anyway such happenings over the last two weeks just brought to my mind that pic I have posted. I guess what is being conveyed though it is a plea not to be a mere spectator of one’s own life but rather to live it!

However I beg to differ. There are times, when yes we can jump in and live our life. When we are in control and going places. But there are also times when all you can do is just watch life, our own life take it's course and simply flow along. These are times of letting-go or times of being in some ways left behind.

And yes, it takes courage to cope.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Guess the best part is, you walk hand in hand always. Always.

Commitment

There are some of us who have a never-commit syndrome. No matter what happens we would never commit to anything. We come up with new and effective excuses and always slip out through the back door when commitment is required. We are a little manipulative. Then there are some of us who take a lot of time to make a small commitment. We are usually calculative and cautious and perhaps wise too. We never give our word easily and if given well then we live by it. And then there are some of us who are over committed. Anything that happens near us, around us or even in our vicinity is our responsibility. We work ourselves up over minute detail and in the process work everyone around us up as well! We pursue perfection, which is an elusive goal in the disguise of doing our best. But all said and done we stand out for excellence.

Anyone out there feel like you connect?

Well, whatever category we fall into, I am realizing that adulthood is a lot about commitment. And if we do not strike a balance then our lives can be pretty messy. There are times when we need to slip out of commitment, there are times when we need to think it over and there are times we need to give it our all. And knowing which to do when is what you learn, keep learning as an adult! ;)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Could really use your help on this!

My Quote on Giving

I've been thinking -

Giving ain't *give-ing* until it pinches your own pocket.

Know what I mean? ....

I was extremely proud of myself today for a certain action which I decided was quite selfless of me. I patted my shoulder and said to myself "You are doing swell!". I even flattered my head into think I must be quite a giving person to be able to do what I did..... well, all this until I met another friend in need in the same day. Now this favour actually meant I needed to make some *real* sacrifices. And guess what? I was not too happy... & Bam! all that selflessness that I thought I saw in me was gone!!!
....But it was good while it lasted! ;)

Anyways, I realized what the parable about the woman who gave her two coins when that was all she had as oppose to the rich man who gave a tenth of his riches suddenly came to life and I realized giving, and I mean *real* giving ain't easy but makes you smile when you do it anyway even if it hurts a lil! :)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Makes me wonder how much have I ever really given.... :?

Through the Doting Eyes of My Dad

This morn I was dressed up in our traditional costume, for a special occasion I had to go to. As I stepped out to leave Dad looked at me, his eyes full of love and admiration for me, his daughter. I was kinda zapped in that moment and realized that Dad’s way of looking at me was whole lot different from my own view of myself or that of anyone else. Perhaps this is a father daughter thing or then again perhaps this is a parent child thing, but whatever it is this morning looking into my dad’s eyes I realized this: In His eyes I am the most precious, unique, special, smart, and beautiful thing on earth.

:) Yep! If only I could always see myself through his eyes! :)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Looking into Dad’s eyes felt like a glimpse into your heart for me.

Rolling Stone

I heard a knock, it was still dawn
The sun was just rising on the horizon
I staggered across, feeling cross;

An old man was at the door
Knotted hair, a knitted bag
A shabby dress, sparkling grey eyes;

He stood there his finger pointed
To the unkempt yard
“I can work a miracle”; I heard him say as I nodded;

The day passed, at eve we met
I stood still quite amazed
As he turned away, glad with the days work;

I heard his footsteps fade, his footprints never did
He had to be directed form above
But in earthly disguise, I saw just another rolling stone.


I wrote this poem about seven years ago, inspired by an old man who like the poem narrates turned up at our home one morning and worked for a day’s wage. I was cross to be woken by this rustic but he was a blessing I almost missed simply because the blessing came packaged in an ‘unattractive earthly disguise’. It made me wonder if I have missed many such blessings simply because I did not find the packaging attractive.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Keeping my eyes peeled open…I would rather not miss anymore! : )

Loving People

A friend who I thought I knew and love and care for, *did* something that was very contradicting to who I felt I knew her to be and it in a way makes it hard for me to just love her.

It has left me thinking about this one question: Do I love people for what they do? Or Do I love people for who they are?

Pause… Putting on my thinking cap…

When you actually think about it, it’s a little hard to differentiate between the two. In the sense that, who I am is reflected by what I do and what I do in turn reflects on who I am. But despite the parallels I believe there is a lot of difference between the two.

I for one would like to be loved for who I am rather than what I do or don’t do for that matter. True love, I believe is not based on actions but looks beyond that into the heart behind the actions. True love understands what to others is not understandable. True love, keeps loving despite the odds coz the person is more important than the deeds.

That reminds me of my best friend whom I have known since my childhood. There are days, weeks when we sometimes can’t keep in touch or be there for each other and sometimes we fail to *do* all that friends ought to *do* for each other but none of it matters to us. We catch up when we can and time together is always beautiful. Put simply we love each other for who we are.

Coming back to where we started… Do I love people for what they do? Or Do I love people for who they are? Guess it’s a choice I make everyday.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . If you were to love me based on what I do, I’m lost!