Celebration

It’s been exactly a year as of today since I began blogging. * Celebration *!

I remember the day it all started. A friend introduced me to the blog world and the idea sort of clicked with me. It wasn’t planned but one Sunday afternoon I logged on, found blogger, clicked on the ‘create a blog’ link and kept going one step at a time & voila! I had a space of my own but was not quite sure of what would come out of it.

Last night I spent a lot of time looking back at the posts I’ve written, the people who inspired me, the situations I’ve been through, the comments I’ve received and the laughs n joys, pain n hurt I’ve shared. Some brought back good memories, some made me laugh at myself, some made me think and rethink, some made me smile and some made my eyes color but most just made me realize I live in a beautiful world surrounded by beautiful people.

I was watching a show on BBC about a traveler’s journey through the Sahara, yesterday. This rather difficult journey was made not only easy but also enjoyable by the people he meets and mingles with. His last line on the show is “Traveling is about continually - learning new things and saying goodbye”

That’s exactly true about life too. I’ve learnt so much through this year & yes, not all the people who were with me when this journey began are with me now. I’ve had to say some sad goodbyes to some very special people who will always be in a warm cozy place called memories where footprints never fade.

To any of you out there who still read this blog, you’ve been part of this journey with me, thank you!
(And hey! Just came across this pretty neat link: www.mayyoubeblessedmovie.com . Do check it out and remember to turn on your speakers when you do!)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Cheers to the beginning of a new year of blogging! : )

Full – Inside

I was speaking to a friend X over the phone after quite some time. X voice was warm and cheerful. There was an excitement and joy in X’s spirit that was conveyed by the exuberance of X voice. It was nothing obvious but subtle and listening to X I could tell X was *full-inside*!

Know what I mean? That’s my way of conveying an *all is happy* kinda state of being.

Does that mean that there was *nothing not happy* in X’s life? I don’t think so. Instead it’s when we come to terms with the not so happy bit and choose to rather be content (Btw: do you know content = happy! That’s what the dictionary says)

In fact X did go on to narrate some other things that X was not happy about but did not let *it*, steal the joy from X’s voice.

Wonder what’s stealing my Joy today? What’s keeping me from being content? Am I full on the inside?

. . . I can be!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . you designed me full and I don’t wanna let the world steal it from me.

Pause

I was watching this beautiful movie and I caught myself wishing I could *pause* it in a happy moment timelessly.

Ever wished you could just *pause* your life permanently on a happy moment?
: )

If I could, I wonder which moment I would have choosen?

A number of happy moments raced through my mind one after the other...

My hand just refused to press that imaginary pause button cause unless I let it play I won’t be able to recollect the next moment . . .!

I changed my mind and pressed the play button and watched the rest of the movie. There were some tragedies and some joyful moments that followed. But watching it all was definitely more fulfilling.

I’m actually at this point of my life when I wish I could just *pause* it. Everything seems so perfect. But maybe I should stop wishing and just gladly let my life play!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . You, my director knows best! :)

Best of Both

I got to dance in the rain and watch a rainbow across the horizon over this weekend!

:) Just felt like telling the world that!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Reminded me of your most beautiful promise of all ~ A rainbow will always follow the rain.

The four Little Lights

My life was brightened today by four friends. We work together as a team and interact quite a lot on a daily basis. Today however is a local holiday and I had to turn up early in the morn and hang around for a few hours.

One of my friends surprised me by turning up earlier than I did, for no reason at all but to just be there. For me! : ) Then another called up and patiently played along with my teasing and taunting. I enjoyed it! : ) That was followed by a simple sms from yet another friend that made me smileee : ). And then an unexpected long distance call from the last one who’s on vacation! : )

I went this morn expecting to be lonely but instead found my friends made it not so lonely after all. I don't know if they realized it but they are four little lights. Just as they brightened my day today they go out into the world each day brightening many lives!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . India is celebrating a traditional festival of lights. And I personally celebrate The Light, lights in my life. : )

Putting my foot down

An interesting observation:
It's so easy to put my foot down for others,
Yet so difficult to put my foot down for myself!

I found myself advising this friend of mine with so much zest, on putting *her* foot down about something that *I* felt was not so fair. But hey! She reminded me. You are putting your foot down for me! : )

Hmmm… It's true. It was so easy to see into her situation and tell her what she ought not to put up with. But when I am put in the same situation... I'm blind as a bat! I don't even see my foot half the time so really have no chances to put it down! I can stomp around for others while I can’t stand for myself!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . If only practicing what I preach was easy.

The same ole Love

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . .

You watched me grow
From young to old
With every step I took

As the years have passed by
Your love has made me strong
From dawn to dusk
With every new day

As the years have passed by
Your grace has taught me all
From foolish to wise
With every new experience

But as the years have passed by
I have fallen many times
Both great and small
Sometimes I have hurt you
Sometimes I have failed
& sometimes I have despised you

But you still look at me
With the same ole love
That you had for me
The day I was born.

I’m amazed by your love. : )

Self-Consumed

I was in an absolute mess today. I myself have never seen myself so frenzied!

Back drop: Ah! I think I shall just keep that under the carpet.

The point: I stayed up half the night all the while working out in my head what I could have said, what I could have done and what not to fix the record and make it all straight. I was so consumed in it that I could not even hear the still voice in me. But only if I listened I know this whole day would have been so different for me. There is so much of the *Me* in me that still needs to die.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . We have miles to go before I sleep.

On Par

Over a conversation with my mum I discovered something interesting about myself.

In my mind, all who I am in a relationship with are not on par. Some I look up to and some I felt look up to me. Which is true but the sad thing is I decided this based on age!

In my culture it is very important to respect people who are elder than oneself. From very young we are taught to address anyone elder with respect, look up to them, follow what they say and hold them in high esteem.

So in my mind people friends and family who are elder to me are the people I respect, I look up to and when interacting with them I always expect to be on the receiving end. But when I am with friends and family younger than me, I feel I am looked up to and hence try to be as giving as possible.

However this is not the way it works. I realized I should not be in any relationship hoping to be the giver or the receiver but rather be open to give and take. Like my mum pointed out to me, at times a four year old has a lot teach us!

So regardless of age, experience, background or any such differences I am learning to look at both myself and the person I am interacting with as on par. Friendships and relationships are somehow so much more rewarding when you take that perspective.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I know it’s not just age but a lot of other such things that put barriers in me while I interact with people... help me break down these barriers within me.

Just Human

A thought:

Sometimes we have so much expectations on ourselves, that we forget we are human.
And sometimes others have so much expectations on us, that they forget we are human.

But Hey! We are human.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Glad to be just human.

Moving on in Life

I’ve been moving a lot, and working with different people lately. Over a period of time I grow fond of ‘em and then before I know it, it’s again time to move. Either for them or for me... and all the laughs we shared, chats we had and games we played our memories stowed away. :(

I’m a slow kinda person and every time I’m faced with movement of any sort it takes a lot of courage to help me cope with it. But like all people I cope with it too.

Anyway such happenings over the last two weeks just brought to my mind that pic I have posted. I guess what is being conveyed though it is a plea not to be a mere spectator of one’s own life but rather to live it!

However I beg to differ. There are times, when yes we can jump in and live our life. When we are in control and going places. But there are also times when all you can do is just watch life, our own life take it's course and simply flow along. These are times of letting-go or times of being in some ways left behind.

And yes, it takes courage to cope.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Guess the best part is, you walk hand in hand always. Always.

Commitment

There are some of us who have a never-commit syndrome. No matter what happens we would never commit to anything. We come up with new and effective excuses and always slip out through the back door when commitment is required. We are a little manipulative. Then there are some of us who take a lot of time to make a small commitment. We are usually calculative and cautious and perhaps wise too. We never give our word easily and if given well then we live by it. And then there are some of us who are over committed. Anything that happens near us, around us or even in our vicinity is our responsibility. We work ourselves up over minute detail and in the process work everyone around us up as well! We pursue perfection, which is an elusive goal in the disguise of doing our best. But all said and done we stand out for excellence.

Anyone out there feel like you connect?

Well, whatever category we fall into, I am realizing that adulthood is a lot about commitment. And if we do not strike a balance then our lives can be pretty messy. There are times when we need to slip out of commitment, there are times when we need to think it over and there are times we need to give it our all. And knowing which to do when is what you learn, keep learning as an adult! ;)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Could really use your help on this!

My Quote on Giving

I've been thinking -

Giving ain't *give-ing* until it pinches your own pocket.

Know what I mean? ....

I was extremely proud of myself today for a certain action which I decided was quite selfless of me. I patted my shoulder and said to myself "You are doing swell!". I even flattered my head into think I must be quite a giving person to be able to do what I did..... well, all this until I met another friend in need in the same day. Now this favour actually meant I needed to make some *real* sacrifices. And guess what? I was not too happy... & Bam! all that selflessness that I thought I saw in me was gone!!!
....But it was good while it lasted! ;)

Anyways, I realized what the parable about the woman who gave her two coins when that was all she had as oppose to the rich man who gave a tenth of his riches suddenly came to life and I realized giving, and I mean *real* giving ain't easy but makes you smile when you do it anyway even if it hurts a lil! :)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Makes me wonder how much have I ever really given.... :?

Through the Doting Eyes of My Dad

This morn I was dressed up in our traditional costume, for a special occasion I had to go to. As I stepped out to leave Dad looked at me, his eyes full of love and admiration for me, his daughter. I was kinda zapped in that moment and realized that Dad’s way of looking at me was whole lot different from my own view of myself or that of anyone else. Perhaps this is a father daughter thing or then again perhaps this is a parent child thing, but whatever it is this morning looking into my dad’s eyes I realized this: In His eyes I am the most precious, unique, special, smart, and beautiful thing on earth.

:) Yep! If only I could always see myself through his eyes! :)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Looking into Dad’s eyes felt like a glimpse into your heart for me.