The Cacti

Recently we had a new addition to the family of plants who live in our garden. This one looked much worse off than many others when they came in.
It's a thorny Cacti with its leaves all broken, obviously by passers by who where scraped by it perhaps. It looked tough and wild and probably has not seen water for a long time.

But it was taken into this garden with much pleasure and delight. Of all the plants that are treasured in the garden this one took a special position. It is loved by the keeper of the garden, my mum and cherished. Every bit of it - the thorns, the broken leaves, it is all accepted and admired!

Many a time when I walk through the garden I wonder what the keeper finds in these very plants that in my opinion are quite a nuisance and really are not very beautiful. I don’t understand it. I just have to take the words of the keeper when she says they are her prized possessions and that by the way she says every single day.
Hats off to her! :-)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I am grateful that you are my keeper.

What do you see?

In black you can read the word Good, while in white you can read the word Evil ! (inside each black letter is a white letter)

I guess it visualizes the concept that good can't exist without evil.
What say?

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I guess it’s the ‘evil’ in me that keeps the good growing within me. Stronger or weaker, is a choice I make!

Fun - Define it !

It's the weekend (finally) and the most common question I ask my friends is "So, what you doing this weekend?” And after a lil tête-à-tête on that we usually wind up with an "Okay... Have fun!”

Was going through one of those rituals when A, a friend of mine was describing A’s weekend plans, in other words what was *fun* for A when another friend B cut in claiming that A had no idea what fun was simply because the way B had *fun* was a whole lot different!

It was amusing but I could relate. It’s *fun*ny how sometimes 'My' way of defining/ having fun (or anything for that matter) can be *so* different from another’s. Like for some it’s fun to hang out in a mall while for others it’s sitting in the attic wrapped up in a book, for some it’s dabbling in fine arts and for some it’s climbing rocks...

And yet when I meet someone with entirely different tastes I either discredit them on the basis of that difference or I at times wish I *could* do that too, even if it isn’t my definition of fun, not quite realizing that.

What matters though I suppose is being able to both accept myself and others for our differences whatever they may be . . . after all the world will be too boring a place if we were all alike.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Wonder how you would define fun. (???)

It wasn’t for nothing

I offered to drop one of my friends at the bus stop today. It’s on my way home and so she agreed quite happily. We had hardly driven a mile when my vehicle began to give us some trouble. It just suddenly went dead. This has almost never happened before and I was a little puzzled. We struggled for awhile trying to get it started and then again, just as suddenly it roared back to life and we where on our way! We made it to the Bus Stop in the nick of time and she boarded the bus.

Driving back home, wondering about the strange way my vehicle gave trouble, it just dawned on me that It wasn’t for nothing. A little earlier or later and we could have headed in another direction as she was unsure of which bus she would be taking and so we would have missed the bus completely. It was perfect timing.
And must add, was made possible because of the struggle with my vehicle!

I was not too happy about the trouble with the vehicle, it even briefly gave me signs of life and went dead again causing me to despair. I really could not *see* how any good could come out of it but good did come of it.

It’s the same in life too. That tear, that weary work, or that lost dream, that hidden hope, or that risk I took that went badly wrong or that friend who hurt me or simply that dull day. . . Whatever it is - It wasn’t for nothing. I don’t think God allows anything for nothing. Instead he works in it *all*, and I mean *all*, to bring about something beautiful in me and through me.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Perhaps it’s the tests and tough times that I want to forget and would rather not experience that really keep me on track and make me a tool of blessing.

Taking a break

Since my last post, something went seriously wrong with my PC and I found myself disconnected from the world. It’s taken me an unreasonably long time to get things together again but I couldn’t help it.

I’m so glad to be able to sit back in my chair again and get things done with a couple of clicks. We are a spoiled lot! :-)

I think I’ve got so used to reflecting and writing, it felt weird not to be posting for awhile. But then again taking a break is nice in its own way too. Somehow you value things more when you are not doing/ having them than when you do.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . So glad to be doing just this. Wish I did all I do, like so.

Disappointment with Me

That’s exactly how I feel, and it feels awful!! :-/
Let me backtrack . . .
I made this dumb mistake. Only the dumbness in my mistake appalled even me! It wasn’t too big a deal but I just couldn’t get over it. ‘How could you?’ I found myself yelling at myself and that was followed by a torrent of self rebukes (#%&*#$) that are censored as they are not to be spoken aloud.

The situation did not involve others (Thank God) and was more something I was personally disappointed about coz I had fallen short of my own expectations.
Bingo! (This is it)
Ouch! It hurts. And worse till I found myself trapped in this accused-guilty-condemned circle where I have butchered myself.
*sigh*

I was chatting with this friend of mine hitting around the subject of my disappointment. She is quite unlike me and so I was kinda shocked when she echoed the very same feelings I had regarding a parallel issue! We laughed together at ourselves and it sure helped to know I was not alone coz it felt like I was.
:-)

Still, I have to say it’s rather hard to see past these feelings. But even as I type I feel like I *can* laugh at myself. It’s okay I guess to be Disappointed with Me. It really is.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . You know something, I think you are laughing too. No matter what, I just can’t disappoint you. You know me with *all* my flaws and you even take delight in me just the way I am - Perhaps I should too.

Change

There have been some changes in my otherwise monotonous life. I can’t exactly call them big changes but they are sort of big in my mind. You see, I’m not exactly change savvy. Especially if that change involves interacting with a whole lot of new people.
I wish, really wish I was more ‘okay’ with change but it’s hard. It takes time and a lot of self-coaxing to get myself out of my foolish self-pity at having to face change.

Anyway, it just got me thinking of a few other circumstances in the life of my family and friends over this week. A close relative of mine had a major surgery, a friend of mine lost a dear family member . . . I can’t even compare these situations to the one I’m in, ever.
However it just helped me to look beyond myself and appreciate the gifts in my life and overlook the tiny-winy things that I tend worry about and whine about.
'Grow up!' I hear myself say.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Change, I guess is your tool to help expand my heart, widen my mind and grow in my spirit. Help me, be a sport.

Quote

There are only two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as if everything is.
~Albert Einstein

Just thought it was worth posting. Any comments?

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . If there are only two ways, I wonder which one I’m on, coz I tend to settle for the *grey* when there really isn’t a grey way!

A glimpse into a Dads Heart

Recently I was caught unexpectedly in a special moment that lasted briefly but had an impact on me.

I got to watch a Dad, walk his son through an admission process for education. Dad held on to a file full of papers, cautiously looking through them time and again. I could see the pain and pressure in his face, and it seemed like he himself was going through the rigid process. He stood by his son all through, patiently, supportively and seemingly willing to sacrifice all to see his son's long term happiness.

It brought back scores of such like 'Dad Moments' in my life when I have been overwhelmed by my Dad’s concern and care. But I did not know it then. (Neither did the son I was taking about) I misunderstood him, disrespected him, acted like I was embarrassed of him, shunned him…the list is long and I'd really rather not talk about it.

But something of that moment has changed something within me. I felt like for a moment I was swapped into the heart of that Dad. I could literally feel what he was feeling. And it felt so entirely different. I have never seen things from 'Dads' shoes. The only way I saw things was through 'my' shoes and so this was *so* weird in some ways.

If I knew Dad’s heart better, I bet there are a lot of things I'd do diffrently. But all said and done once the moment passes it's hard to hold on to the lesson.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Kinda a peek into your heart too, ain't it? Just a glimpse and I am awed.

You and I

I spent about an hour today rummaging through my mails and notes I have sent and received from friends over the years. I was left me with a myriad of emotions, as each one told of a time and place in my life that was quite unique and special and in some ways almost forgotten.

In it, I found this piece of poetry, called ‘You and I’, that I had written some years ago to a dear friend of mine. Just felt it captures many of those memories I was talking about . . .

Friendship is not a word to us, it’s a world;
A place we can run to, it’s always there;
Built with time and the fondest memories, it’s forever;

Time together is like a cascading waterfall, full of life;
Moments apart are not painful but shared;
Changes with time & tide are faced and accepted;

We don’t know all the steps of life but learn together;
We were always meant to be and will remain;
And together celebrate the gift of life, it’s our world;

We have no obligations to one another yet choose to be there;
We stand together and work towards our dreams;
Sharing mutually in our feelings, we learn to look deeper;

Everyday is a new adventure, bringing out the best in us;
Every hope is a new beginning of possibilities yet to come;
Every breath is a new promise of companionship and strength;

Today is all that matters the time we have now;
Yesterday has gone by, it’s a memory;
Tomorrow you might not be there that’s life;

But friendship is something that lasts, it’s forever;
So hey! Let’s play this game together, its fun;
You and I drifting together, its destiny.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Something I see so consistently through the years is that you are there, every step of the way, it’s been You and I and that gives me the courage to go on. I’m so glad and grateful.

Loving the Unlovely

I just happened to see this phrase in a book today. It caught my attention for two reasons.
One, when I think of love, I think mostly of the best in human nature and
Two, when I think of love, I think of the people I gel with really well.

It's never quite occurred to me to think of much else. Loving however in this context is about, loving the lovely... the things I admire and enjoy.

But Love, in its true sense I guess digs much deeper. Love, loves the unlovely. The things about people that are perhaps quite annoying, or the habits that are not necessarily pleasant or the little idiosyncrasies associates with each person . . . in general, the unlovely side. The side that’s not exactly attractive or charming.

Probably that’s what real love is about. Not only delighting in the *lovely* but also accepting of the *unlovely*.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . That’s perhaps the reason for your enduring love for me.

Love

“And now I will show you the most excellent way . . .

Love is patient; Love is kind;
Love does not envy and is not boastful;
Love is not proud or rude;
Love is not self-seeking;
Love is not easily angered, irritable or resentful;
Love keeps no record of wrongs;
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth;
Love always protects;
Love always trusts;
Love always hopes;
Love always preserves;
Love never fails. "

I Corinthians 13:4-8

This is one of my all time favorite passages. Just seemed apt to post it today! ;-)

It reminds me that I have miles to go in learning to love, meanwhile I’m happy to love the best I know how.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Celebrating Love ~ Celebrating You.

Just Enjoying Life

A few pics from our garden, my Mom’s pride and joy . . .
:-)

I’ve discovered I’m just *so* happy living my everyday life. I like it that way. It’s what I feel most fulfilled doing!
So this is just a buzz to enjoy life ~ plain, simple, ordinary life.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . The reason I live is to worship you and there is no way I can do that better than by just enjoying life, just the way it is.

The Best Medicine

I've been trying to get down to the heart of the matter,
But my will gets weak and my thoughts seem to scatter—
But I think it's about forgiveness, forgiveness—
Even if—even if—you don't love me anymore.

- Don Henley

This is exactly where I have been lately. Trying to get down to the heart of that matter, but my will gets weak and my thoughts scatter, But yes, I think it's about forgiveness.

Been there?

The people who are closest to us are also possibly the ones who can/may/will hurt us the most. These hurts are like wounds of different kinds. Some deep, some shallow, some just a scrape, some painfully raw, and some leave scars while some don't. However these wounds are, I have learnt that there is just one medicine that can work miracles on them all. It's a guaranteed no scars, no marks, good as new treatment.

It's called forgiveness. And the 'given' right in the center of it is what it's mostly about. The heart of the matter so to speak. It's free of cost but takes love to give and grace to apply. And you have to do it day after day consistently.

Unlike in most cases, Forgiveness is not just 'an' alternative I can take. It's the only way into a *real* relationship, and the only way through a *real* relationship, 'coz we are all *real* people and *real* people tend to mess up, just like me.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Yeah, this is a lot easier talking, and a lot harder doing. Grace, dear God, give me grace.