Teary Eyed Me

Hmmm... I find myself teary eyed and I can’t quite explain why. Something relatively minor has left me in a total mess for the last two days and I just can’t get over it!

I’ve been a little over worked and touchy, and that’s the only reason I can find. I just have not have had enough quite time and mole hills take the shape of mountains in my head! :/

I wish I could just get over it but I can’t. I need to take a break but I can’t. I need to re-focus on what’s important in life but I can’t. I just need to be quiet, but I can’t.
It’s just so hard. I know what I got to do but I just can’t do it.

Been there? I sure hope not......!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Grace to seek you I need, for in you alone I find rest.

The One who Stills me

I was on the phone with an aunt of mine after quite some time. We talked about the general ups and downs in our life… things she referred to as ‘volcanoes and earthquakes’ …. Pretty descriptive I think ‘coz mostly we seem to be either trapped in circumstances that just *erupt* or circumstances that *cave* in… on us!

‘But’ she added with a pause, I come home to X and X helps *still* me.

Hmmm… loved the way she put that! I guess we all have that special someone in our lives, who can just help us be *still* when everything else erupts or caves in on us. Know what I mean? Or perhaps there is more than one person like so in our lives.

I can think of a few and I’d really like to be that kind of a person to a few too. :) And to those special people who just help *still* me. Thank you.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . You are one of those special people.

B-L-A-C-K

One of the most beautiful movies I have ever seen is an Indian Movie called Black. I have been meaning to write about it for long, and finally am typing it down…!

It’s about a little girl, who was born blind. She has never seen light and lives in a dark world and hence the name Black. Her parents do not know how to help her and she grows into a wild child, and has an animal like existence. The role is so well portrayed in the movie that one can literally feel the darkness, depression, desolation and desperation of this little child. She gets worse as she grows older and finally her parents decide she will either go mad and has to be taken care of in a special place or they need to find her someone who will be able to draw her out of her dark world.

Help comes in the form of a teacher who is specially gifted. He moves into the house and begins to help her. It’s not easy. He is strict and she has never been used to discipline before. He is literally thrown out of the house because her parents do not like the way he teaches but he persists. He struggles to break into her world of darkness by enabling her to connect words with the feel of things. After a long ordeal, light finally breaks into this young lady’s dark world as she begins to recognize words and associate them with touch!

The story does not end there. The student depends on her teacher to show her the world through his eyes. They go on to achieve what was never thought possible by sheer determination… (Shall not disclose the end incase you want to watch it and have not yet!)

The reason I narrate is because I could connect with the little girl lost in a dark world. I may not be plunged in physical darkness but I am talking about the darkness inside. The darkness that we all battle with some times, some days. Perhaps we even battle it everyday. And like the little girl we need to be taught one small step at a time to reach out for the light. It’s not easy and sometimes it’s just sheer determination that will keep you going.

Ever been there? If yes, you are not alone.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . My teacher, my friend, Can’t imagine a life without you.

Words of Wisdom

My Grandma is one of the biggest treasures in my life. She is like no one else I have ever known or will ever know. Her concern, care, and prayers night and day for me are like a heavenly cloak around me protecting me and strengthening me always.

Grandpa died a few years ago. I used to call him the Grandest Grand Pa, coz he truly was the most wonderful granddad according to me. He had a special twinkle in his eyes (Yeah, just like you read in story books), loved to laugh and loved people in an unconditional, over the top way.

Grandma always has words of wisdom to share and I enjoy sitting on the shore of the beach (one of her favorite places) and chatting with her. I wish I could do that more often!

She spent the last week with us and gave me a word of advice before she left. It was about temper tantrums. She said if ever you are in the same room with someone who has lost their temper, then you be the one who holds peace. Agree with what they have to say and go along with it all, fair or unfair. Then wait for a time when they have calmed down and talk things over. That’s how grandpa and I dealt with things she explained. When I was upset, he was patient and when he was upset I was patient. They never fought once in the 40 odd years of their married life.

I did not take her advice too seriously till something happened and I learnt from practice that it’s not easy to do so but trust me it works wonders! It’s something I want to hold on to for the rest of my life.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Thank you for Grandmamma.

Love Covers

I was reading this statement this morning - 'Love Covers over All Wrong' in the book of the Proverbs… I have read it so many times before but this time I actually paused to think and I was taken aback by what it meant.

Let’s break it up…
Love Covers (Envelop, conceal, hide, protect, deal with, embrace, take in) over All (Completely, entirely, altogether, every part of, the whole) Wrong (Incorrect, wide of the mark, immoral, wicked, dishonest, unethical, improper, insult, injustice, injure, abuse, sin…)

That says a loooot, huh?

Makes me wonder - Have I ever ‘Loved’ anyone? Or Will I ever be able to ‘Love’?
‘coz Love and I mean Real Love covers.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Perhaps the reason I struggle with coming to grips with your love for me, which is a perfect Love that covers over all wrong is because I think of your love like mine.

Noddy says No!

Ever watched the cartoon show on Noddy?

If you haven’t then Noddy is a little boy in Toy World, who is a Taxi driver who delivers packages to toys in toy town. Noddy is a good natured, pleasant, nice young man who is always helpful and kind. The little town also has two goblins who are always up to mischief and Noddy often comes to the rescue of Toy town!

I am way over the age of watching cartoons, but still enjoy ‘em ... wait a minute, is there an age limit for cartoons? (Chuckle)

Anyway in this particular episode I watched, the goblins ask Noddy for a ride in his car. Noddy agrees and gives them a ride. But the Goblins begin to demand more of him. They ask him to take him from one place to another and refuse to let him go. Finally Noddy is tired, hungry and to make matters verse his fuel tank is almost empty.

He finally gets rid of the goblins after a long ordeal but his tank has no fuel to take him back to town and Noddy has to walk back to get some fuel.

An old gentleman who is a good friend of Noddy meets him on his way and asks him what is wrong. Noddy explains. His friend tells him he needs to learn to say “No!”
“But, But... they said please and thank you...” says Noddy.
That does not mean you have to do all that they say explains the old man.

The nest day, the Goblins come around to find Noddy again, but Noddy says No. He explains that he is busy and has other things to do and would just rather not hang out with them! His old friend is pleased and says, “Noddy, you are now growing up!“
And Noddy breaks into a little song, which ends with “You can say No, and still be Nice!”

Why do I narrate all this?
Well, I for one have a lot of trouble saying No. I tend to associate it with being offensive, rude or impolite and many a time end up messed up because of just that. A family friend of mine came over and she was talking about the same sort of thing too... I think in some ways we all struggle with saying No in different situations and to different types of pressures.

But many a time, we need to say No. To protect ourselves sometimes if not for anything else - Just like Noddy did!

So this is a reminder to me and the world (including toy world!) – No is a small but powerful world. Use it when you should to yourself (when fighting temptation) and to others (when need arrises).

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Just as you say No, as so good Father should, Teach me to say No as a wise child should.

All The World Is A Stage

Quoting William Shakespeare, If all the world is a stage and we are the actors and actresses, then have you ever wondered who is the audience? Ever wondered if someone was watching you?

I for one believe with all my heart that there is an unseen world out there, watching our every move. Applauding our achievements, crying when we are hurt and cheering us on in the course of life.

So getting back to the question, Ever wondered if there is an audience out there, and if so who the audience is?
There are only two possible answers. Yes, there is and No, there isn’t. And the answer rests quite squarely on faith.

But think about it . . . if there is no one out there then, Life sure seems pretty pointless. But if there was, and that too an esteemed audience, I'll sure want to put the best show I can!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Glad I am being watched!

Phases Of Life

A good friend of mine and I were talking about the next phase in life over breakfast.

Almost every decade of our life comes with a lot of changes. The first ten, are the years of our childhood, the next ten is full of ups and downs as teenagers and then almost suddenly we reach adulthood... followed by marriage mostly, and then motherhood/fatherhood - okay, right now I can't think much beyond that, so I'll stop there! ;-)

I was expressing my apprehension about moving on to the next phase as I am just getting comfortable with this one!

But my friend had a diffrent perspective. She said something like, "Hey! Enjoy every phase, make the most of it while you are in it and keep moving on!"
I know it is true about her life. She makes the most of her everyday, living out her life, enjoying it all the while.

The conversation helped me see things in a different light. So to you who are reading this - Enjoy the phase you are in, whichever it might be, 'coz none is better than the other but they are all beautiful.

And my friend, if you ever read this, which i hope you would, Thank you! :-)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . You are the unseen person in every conversation and I bet you were listening to it all saying "Spot on!".

Time and Space

An interesting extract from a book I read . . .

"On the night of February 23, 1987, an astronomer in Chile observed with his naked eye the explosion of a distant Super Nova, a blast so powerful that it released as much energy in one second as our sun will release in 10 billion years. It was spectacular!

But did that event actually occur on February 23, 1987?

Only from the perspective of our planet. Actually the Super Nova exploded 170,000 years prior to our 1987, but the light generated by that far away event, traveling almost six trillion miles a year, took 170,000 years to reach our galaxy . . . "

It is a little mind blowing, to me. The extract defies my normal understanding of time which is limited by the perspective of our planet. (Think about it)But I let this limited perspective of mine, dictate my understanding o the universe, my understanding of life, and my understanding of God!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I sometimes limit you by my limited understanding. Try to put you in a box so to speak. It's awesome to remember that you are not limited by my limitations of you though.

'Nice, Nice'

My little niece who is almost two now is such a bundle of joy. She is an easy going child and can captivate any stranger with her big eyes and smile. We took her out to the beach for the first time. Intially I thought that she would be afraid of the waves. She is hardly two feet tall and the waves are much higher out here.

But Oh no! The minute her tiny feet hit the sand she ran towards the water and the next hour and half we spent in the sea playing! It was fun! Eveytime a wave hit the shore and covered her feet she broke into a loud laughter.

Little while later she discovered that sand + water = Mud, which is also equally exciting! So then we had mud puddle games and so on... till finally I had to wrap her in a towel and carry her out distracting her attention.

As we walked out she began to sing a little song. It's what she says when she likes something. It's a two little words chorus, two little words stanza and two little words song, sung by a two year old!
It's actualy quite easy to catch, and goes something like this... "Nice, Nice","Nice, Nice", "Nice, Nice" . . . Sung in a ding, dong kinda tune! LOL.

Well, I write songs too but I must tell you this : I put a lot of thought into it, play with the words till I confuse myself at times, trying to express the way I feel - She did not have any of those problems but expressed herself perfectly well!

Ah! Kids. Wish we could be like 'em sometimes. ;-)

Dear Mister God this is @ina talking . . . 'Nice, Nice'. Just felt like singing that to you!

When Good is'nt Wise

Ahem . . . I dunno if this is just me but I am hoping that someone who reads this will relate . . .

So I did this thing today. It was a *good* thing to do. No strings attached – Just a simple good deed, done out of a simple good motive. But only after doing it I realized, it was not exactly or perhaps not at all WISE.

I felt awful realizing that. Just awful.

That’s also because I take myself way too seriously and overreact but that apart, this has always been one of my biggest problems.

Knowing –
One, When is something that’s Good not Wise.
Two, When to do Good even if it is not wise, (like when you sometimes have to follow your heart and not your mind) and when not to.

There are times I jump into doing something Good, not thinking it over at all, like today and then I realize it isn’t wise. Sometimes I play it over in my mind so many times and then don’t do something Good even if I should have done it!

End Result: I feel awful.

Solution (?) : I don’t know if I’ll ever find one, because Life is about taking chances and doing things the best you know how. Full Stop.
Btw, I guess it will really help if I don’t take everything I do so seriously and in giving *Good* a chance – perhaps it’s better to do so more often than not, wise or unwise, for better or worse.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Which to do when (?), give me divine wisdom, dear God.

My Best Vs The Acclaimed Best

I along with others have been putting my effort into this something for awhile. Turns out however that we missed this tiny detail and yes, that detail was important and could have been avoided if we were a little more careful.
So we get told off! And sadly all the efforts put into it was not acclaimed as it should have been.

I guess it’s more or less a cliché circumstance in life.

So what do I do? Well, I get all upset, all unhappy and blame myself for being such a careless klutz, such a dunce, such a . . . All the while missing one tiny detail (again) - I’ve put in ‘My Best Efforts’.
Yes, it ain’t good enough but I believe it is reason to rejoice. Don’t you think so?

My best may not be, or may even never be the acclaimed best but all the same knowing I’m doing the best I can matters more, much more than the acclamation.

So Hey! I choose to be happy after all! :-)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Guess you are looking beyond the situation into my reaction. You know something you are right. That’s what matters more.

Finding the Best in the Worst

Things turned out all awfully wrong today, in something I am working with a team on. One after the other things began to fall apart and it was one of the longest and hardest days we have faced together. Just felt like the ‘worst’ had happened.

I'd rather not elaborate.

But through it all I have discovered something – It is in the ‘Worst’ circumstances do I discover the ‘Best’ both in myself and those around me.

It's true. It’s almost magical.

Just wanted to share!

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Am grateful for it all. :-)

Ultimate Victory

Imagine . . .

I was amongst those witnessing the crucification of Jesus on that dark day.

There were a mob of people - tough looking men shouting harsh words, women crying and children running hither and thither. All their attention was on one man called 'The King of the Jews'.

I had been eagerly anticipating the coming King, waiting year after year for His reign and longing for the power of the promised messiah to be displayed among us like in the days of Moses. All the signs and miracles He had performed caused me to believe that Jesus was indeed the Messiah. I had come to love and adore Him.

Seeing Him being nailed to the cross now, however made me feel like a fool. My hopes were crushed. The person on whom we, I had pinned my expectations to change history forever had failed me miserably. The Man, who performed so many amazing signs and wonders in His lifetime, now refused to perform a miracle, and accepted his fate like a lamb.

All I could feel was defeat, darkness and a depression. And it lasted three loooooong days.

At the end of it however there broke a Son-Light like none other before or none other since. It made it all worth while.

I did not know back then that the plan of God was unveiling right there, in the midst of all of the confusion, agony and uproar. Apparent and utter defeat was all I could see; the world could see. But ultimate victory was His plan; His word.

I look at the cross and realize that sometimes God’s ways of working is contrary to what we think or expect. But as I keep flowing along I know I will be amazed as the days unfold.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . in eager anticipation of what is to come!