Celebrating A Journey

It’s been two years as of today, since I began doing what I do.

I never thought I would be doing what I am doing. I had my heart set on a lot of different things and I pursued them for awhile but as things turned out this opportunity came knocking at my door and I kind of tumbled into it with much uncertainty.

Looking back the only words that keep playing over and over in my heart are - Thank you.

So to all of you who have been part of this journey with me in some way:

Thank you for the companionship. Thank you for the laughs. Thank you for the support. Thank you for the listening ear. Thank you for putting up with my eccentricity. Thank you for showing me better. Thank you for the helping hands.

Thank you for teaching me the value of the words ‘it’s okay’. Thank you for pushing me further. Thank you for giving me wings. Thank you for being there when I fell down. Thank you for picking me up and encouraging me to go on.

Thank you for the casual conversations, the earnest advice, the gentle warnings, the patient guidance and the constant motivation.

Thank you for the breaks, the lunches, the treats, the outings, the surprises, the mails, the messages, the calls and the many other little things that will stay in my heart a life time through.

Thank you for *You*.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Thank you for being there every moment of every day at my every beck and call. : )

A walk on the Beach

I live in a city with one of the longest coastlines in the world and have been fortunate to have always lived pretty close to the beach.

I have taken so many walks on the sea shore but just as the patterns that the clouds form in the sky can never be replicated, the shore line always has a different story to tell.

When there is a high tide the sea is wrestles and the coast is ravaged by the huge strong waves. It’s not a pretty picture and I prefer to stand and watch the sea at a safe distance. But when there is a low tide the sea is calm and friendly and it’s nice to take a walk on the shore.

Today was one of those low tide days and the coast was absolutely beautiful. For some reason the sea shore seemed broader than I have ever seen before. There were corals and shells of different colors and shapes strewn on the wet sand. The wild sea breeze was pleasant in the backdrop of the waves that seemed to be in fact lazing in the setting sun.

Mum and I walked on and on, and my dog followed us quite excited. It’s a walk that ended a rather memorable day with my family, mum & dad, my brother, my grandma and my aunts. : )

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Am speechless, for once.

The Heart, The Head & The Connection

I was pleasantly surprised by X’s kindness and went out of the way to tell X how much X was appreciated for all X’s efforts. However later I wondered if I had crossed the line and said more than I should have while being appreciative and put X in a rather embarrassing position.

Hmmm… I find myself quite often in fixes like these.

You see my heart just has to tell people how much I like, enjoy, care and appreciate them. My mind however is more sensible and warns me of things that can be said and things that should not be said just incase it leaves me misunderstood or the person concerned in an awkward position to reciprocate the same in some way.

But the connection between the heart and the head is hard to make. And I find myself many a time swinging like a pendulum from one side to the other not knowing which one to listen to. Sometimes there's a sixth sense that tells me what I need to do. Sometimes there's a calm voice instructing me. Sometimes there's nothing at all. And these are times I am most confused.

What can be said and what not are split second decisions and so at the end of the day I find myself going over my day and wondering if I got it wrong or right. This time I must confess the peace in me was disturbed. So I probably did not get it right. I should have listened to the head and not the heart. Still, I can’t go back and do things differently so I just wish I had a better way of knowing.

As I sat pondering along these lines, I decided to just lay it down. I know this experience will help me judge better next time what needs to be said or done and that alone makes it all worthwhile.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . It’s almost the break of dawn and as I still sit pondering over yesterdays spilt milk thank you for giving me a whole new day to start afresh.

World Peace

I was talking with a friend today who seemed quite distraught. We kept meandering from one topic to another but never actually quite got to what was on X mind. Seeing that X was not too comfortable I asked if there was anything on X mind that I could pray for. After a long pause X replied, yeah. You could pray for dash and everyone’s happiness!

Everyone’s happiness? LOL! That’s plain silly I thought to myself.

X I have known to be a person who is most often building castles in the air trying to find solutions that will make everyone happy and bring World Peace! As ridiculous as that cliché statement sounds a part of me wondered what if there was a possibility that we could indeed make everyone happy.

Out there is probably a young Miss Y who is in a messed up relationship of some kind and to pray for Y’s happiness means to pray that Y has the courage to move on, go through some pretty difficult times that would ultimately make Y happy. Then there’s Master Q who has found these bunch of buddies who seem ultra cool only until he finds a darker side to their seemingly harmless fun. Q now has some drug abuse problems and a lot of other things to deal with. To pray for Q’s happiness would mean to ask for Q to be sent to rehab, go through depressing times and then ultimately be free. Then there is posh Mrs. R who seems to have it all so easy but every night she cries herself to sleep because she does not find the joy she seeks in what she has. To pray for R would mean R would have to open up in pretty radical ways that can be nothing but painful times until she ultimately finds herself content. I could go on…

But the point is I realized that when I pray for someone’s happiness I am not necessarily praying for an immediate alteration in their circumstances that will lead to sudden happiness. Instead I pray into their lives circumstances that in some way ultimately work out for their happiness!

I guess it’s not all that silly after all to pray for everyone’s happiness. Plus when I pray for happiness I better be prepared to be broken, shaped and polished by life’s circumstances.

Still think we need to work towards World Peace?! ; )

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . Glad you are out there constantly doing all you can to make sure everyone’s happy!

Don’t say what you don’t mean

Words have always enthralled me because words have life. And the life that is given to them is breathed by the speaker of these words.

They can make you sing or they can make you sad. They can make you laugh or they can make you cry. They can heal, or they can hurt. They can give you wings to soar or they can chain you to a dark dungeon. They can make bright days seem gloomy or gloomy days seem brighter than the sun. They can charm your heart or cheat your mind. They can beckon you into new heights or can cause you to fall into deep pits.

They have the power of life and death.

I went through a distressing time this week when I had to be stern with a few of the people I interact with on a daily basis. My mind threw up words that would have wounded. Words that were careless and insensitive. Words that I knew were not to be uttered but God knows I was more than willing to utter.

But through it all that small firm voice said to me again and again: Don’t say what you don’t mean.

I had to wait to calm down.

Fast forward: I did not say what I wanted to say and guess what? The problem was resolved in a more gracious way because of the choice of the words and tone that was soft and gentle but conveyed the message.

It was worth the wait and at the end of it all we could all still smile.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . So grateful to you for the grace you bestowed on me. But for you I am nothing.

Overwhelmed

My life’s been touched by my friends today. Friends who surprised me by going out of the way for me and simply doing everything they possibly could to make this day a day I will never forget all my life.

Etched in my heart is the sounds of their voices and laughter, the sights of flowers, wrappers and treasures hidden within but best of all the love and care that was shared so generously and so spontaneously that I simply felt overwhelmed.

Now at my bed-side I sit writing this post.

I want to voice words that could say thank you but what I feel is much too deep to be conveyed by those simple words. I want to do something special for each of them but I realize that will never be enough either. I want to whisper a special wish on every one their lives and hope the next morning their wish will come true but that may not be possible to do.

So instead I choose to bend my knees and say a silent prayer for each one of those beautiful people who blessed me and made my day breathtaking in every way. Just know it is the best gift I could give.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . : ) [Somehow that’s all I feel like saying. I guess you understand.]

Popularity or Criticism

I was watching this talk show on TV and a prominent sports person from my country was posed this question: Popularity or Criticism – Which is harder to face?

Well, I’d encourage you to answer that question for yourself before you go on! : )

He tactfully answered it saying that they both have their Pros and Cons and you really cannot tell. Constructive Criticism he said helps but still may not be pleasant and popularity does get into your head but definitely feels more pleasant.

Personally I find criticism, constructive or otherwise difficult to take but I thrive on appreciation. Well, who does not? ; )

Anywayz, the point is I *know* criticism really helps me and am ultimately so grateful to the people who take the time to let me know when I am out of line. Popularity on the other hand, makes me feel like a princess for a day but the bad side is I may wake up the next morning and find it was all a dream!

The difference is one is an instant energizer the other a pill that will help with time. And some of us need more of any one while others need an equal portion of both but none can live without either. My point: I’m going to be happy when I am dished out either coz they complement each other and generally come together.

So getting back to our question, which is harder?
I’m just gonna have to tactfully say that they both have their Pros and Cons and you really cannot tell. ;)

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I’m glad that you blend into our lives a perfect mix of things that enable us to grow into your perfection.

The Secret Keeper

I watched this movie called “Little Secrets” for kids recently that inspired this post:

An aspiring 14-year-old concert violinist named Emily spends her summer practicing for an audition to get into a prestigious Youth Orchestra. She also runs a secret-keeping business, in which other children give her fifty cents to tell her a secret, which she promises to keep; this is a talent that she is very good at. Every afternoon a long queue of little ones wait to share their secrets with her and be counseled at times. What no one knows is that the secret keeper has a tragic secret of her own!

Meanwhile, new neighbors move in next door, including Phillip. During the move, he accidentally breaks a valued chess piece and is caught by Emily as he attempts to bury it in the front garden. Phillip pays Emily fifty cents to keep his deed a secret, and to hide the piece in her treasure trunk along with other broken property from her other clients, in paper bags labeled with their names.

Things take a turn for the worse when Emily who never tells a secret, confides in Philip who urges her to tell him a secret of her own. She soon ends up telling a secret that her friends share and is very depressed about breaking her code.

To comfort her, her Violin tutor tells her a painful secret of her own and helps her understand that you can never be close to the people you love as long as you hide things from them.

As she listens to her, Emily who loves to sit on the rooftop and play her violin tumbles and falls. She is rushed to the hospital and slowly gets better surrounded by family and friends.

Teary eyed, she finally finds the courage to confide in her friends for the first time and tells them about her own deep secret. Her parents were killed by a drunk driver when she was just a few months old and her life was miraculously spared. She was then adopted by her mum and dad.

After Emily is released from the hospital, her life is turned around. She and Phillip return all of the paper bags and money to her clients and encourage them to tell their secrets even if was hard, painful or fearful.

Emily learns not to hide her own secret but is overjoyed to find a strange freedom that comes from both being honest and being loved for who you really are.

Hmmm… it’s a movie that leaves you touched and thoughtful.

As I journeyed with Emily through the ups and downs of her life, I learnt that it’s not easy to share secrets with anyone and sometimes perhaps more so with people close to our heart for fear of rejection. But Freedom, intimacy and love spring from a heart that is not hidden but honest.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I know I am not always honest with you. I wonder what keeps me from being honest. Strengthen me so I will learn to always have an honest heart before you.

An Ode to God

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . .

My spirit is awakened
My inner being alive
My strength is renewed
My doubts are dispelled

My soul sings out
My heart dances within
My mind is at rest
My thoughts full of hope

My life is turned around
My sins are washed away
My weakness is made beautiful
My pain is made a blessing

In the silence of loneliness
In the darkness of night
In the secret place of meeting
You touch and transform my life each day

How could this be?
I ask myself
How could this be?
But for you, my God.

A thought for the Day

Recently I received this SMS from a friend that read:

“When I walk alone, I wish to reach the end of the road. But when you walked with me I wish the road never ends.”

Unconsciously I smiled.

To me the ultimate expression of Love would be watching two old folks walking hand in hand in a park - He with his blurred vision and now shaky arms holding her while she radiating a beautiful glow that comes only from age & wisdom chats with him in a low voice.

Love I believe is companionship. It’s about those small insignificant moments of togetherness. It’s about the everyday things that bind people together. It’s about give and take. It’s about being there.

And like the quote says it can make all the difference between the way I walk this road of life.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . So glad you walk with me.

Essential piece

A few of my colleagues were given a small token of appreciation for their contribution to the organization. The gift was a key chain which had a piece of a jig-saw puzzle dangling from it. It was plated beautifully in a deep metallic blue with a gold trimming and had the words “Essential Piece” engraved on it.

I was reminded of the year end post I wrote.

I had compared a picture puzzle to my life and the zigzaw pieces to the many events in life.

Building along those lines, I realize now that the picture will not be complete but for every single piece - each piece is “The Essential Piece”.

Btw the dictionary definitions for the word Essential are – Vital, Indispensable, crucial, key.

Many a time I feel insignificant. Many a time pieces of my life seem insignificant. But the small token made me re-think. In a way no matter how insignificant I might feel or situations may be, they are essential bits that complete the picture of my life.

Just like in the story of Joseph where every piece was an essential piece which ultimately led to a life which still rings with greater meaning and purpose than he could have ever known.

Essential Piece – the words have just been ringing over and over again in my head all day long altering the way I look at the insignificant.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . I know you see me as the essential piece. Makes me re-think the way I live.

Cruising or Racing

On my way home I cross a long and high flyover. I was tired and my tummy was grumbling, it was late in the eve and I was racing home. When I reached the top of the flyover there was a driver before me who was doing just the opposite - Almost as though on a cruise slowly he moved looking around and enjoying the view!

“Stop! Sow down!” I heard a cry within me.

I slowed down too and tried to enjoy the sights and sounds around me as I drove. Not just while driving over the flyover but all the way home. Somehow it did help clear my head, calm my nerves and probably made me more agreeable when I got home.

I was reminded of a scene in Pixar’s movie CARS where Lightning McQueen, a hotshot rookie race car discovers the other side of life so to speak on a cruise with Sally the Porsche who opens up his mind to a world he did not notice simply because he was too wrapped up in himself and his career.

Hmmm…Been there!?

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . “Stop! Slow down!” Guess I could use a few of those signs boards along the road of life.

Something’s eating me!

Ever felt like that?

I just know it. And I can feel it. It’s inside me. It’s eating up a big chunk of my joy, my peace, my mind. I’m trying hard to put my finger on it but I can’t. It’s just illusive.

Well let me try to break it up.

I’ve been doing a lot of new things these last two weeks. Most of which I have never done before. New things unnerve me for starters and leave me a little wobbly on the inside. That could be part of it.

And then most of it makes me vulnerable to people. I have been doing it all with the best of intentions and to the best I know how but it has left me fearful of being judged and fearful of the possibility that I might be doing the wrong thing.

Then there is also this etc bit. The little this and that….I have not had the time to think over and it still lies within me waiting for my attention.

And though I hear that soft firm voice guide me I still find it hard at times. I know only one place where all of this can be put to rest. It’s talking to mister god.

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . so here I am. Help me see with your eyes.

My Dreams

I’ve reached a point in life when reality has hit me head on and all my childish fancies look silly in my own eyes. I’ve stopped dreaming for awhile.

But one of the most common New Year wish I’ve got in the begining of this year is “May your dreams come true!”

Hmmm....It’s got me thinking about my dreams.

I’ve decided I’m going to begin this year dreaming. Dreaming Big. So here goes…

Author a Bestseller

Release an album that makes it to the Grammy’s

Live in a land with a different culture for a little while

Star gaze till I’ve found all the constellations visible to the naked eye

Support at least 12 children in their educational aspirations

Skate on ice

Be part of a youth magazine that touches and transform young lives around my country

Dance to the waltz

Adopt a child

Support a few missionary families

Make a dream come true for a person I know

Master the guitar

Own a grand Piano, and be a piano tutor

Support a social venture in my hometown

Take my mum and dad on a holiday to a foreign land

Learn sign language

Here my songs sung on a local FM channel

Work with abused kids

Own a column in a local newspaper

Surprise one person every week

Watch the aurora in the artic

Work in a public service department

Dear Mister God, this is @ina talking . . . nay… Dreaming! I know you are listening. : )